


until spring blooms again

by astroblemish



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 04:25:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 60,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15655722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astroblemish/pseuds/astroblemish
Summary: A brand new home means a brand new start for Jongdae and Kyungsoo --Baekhyun isn’t the beginning they're looking for, but he might be close enough.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to the mods for running this fest and being far too accommodating for my messy self, and to my friends who dealt with seeing my complaints. writing this fic was an uphill battle, but at least it's done...?  
> the prompt requested sex scenes, and i kind of regret taking that into consideration, which is why 90% of them got cut out, and i hate the rest that remain, but ah well. orz
> 
> mild warnings for an age adjustment + tiny age gap for plot reasons (sorry baekhyun). everyone is very much an adult, though. also a tiny smidge of implied homophobia. super small tho. oh, and mildly unsafe sex. because i... dont care. sorry, health and safety regulations,
> 
> [v cool moodboard by the mods!!! wow!!!](https://twitter.com/funkylordchen/status/1039891524912214018)

There’s always something special to be said about new beginnings.

That’s how Jongdae feels, anyway, staring at the park across the street that his brand new apartment’s balcony currently overlooks. The air is sweet and warm, on the cusp of spring after a dreadful winter; Jongdae is excited for what the new season will bring with it.

A new job, a new home, a new start _._

Same husband, though.

Said husband is still standing in the master bedroom, frowning at the wall. Jongdae enters with a grin on his face as he sneaks up from the sliding door, snaking his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist as he hugs him from behind, leaving a kiss next to his ear.

“Still can’t make a choice?” he asks, and Kyungsoo gives a noncommittal hum in response. There’s dust and dirt all across his black clothes from moving all the furniture up, sweat still clinging to his skin, makeup-less and frowning; Jongdae can’t imagine anyone more beautiful in the world.

“Oasis spring blue or persian plush purple?” Kyungsoo is asking as if they haven’t already had this discussion all week. He wants to repaint the walls in their bedroom eventually, but wants one to remain a different colour as a feature wall, or something. Jongdae doesn’t get it, but Kyungsoo is picky about the oddest things. “Or should we stay neutral and go with the endless dusk grey?” He gestures to the paper swatches he’d stuck to the wall with masking tape accordingly.

Jongdae shrugs, knowing Kyungsoo will feel the movement behind him. “My vote is on fairy floss.”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, looking over his shoulder. “We’re not having a hot pink bedroom wall Jongdae, it doesn’t match the furniture.”

Jongdae pouts cutely. “So boring, Kyungsoo.” Kyungsoo wipes it away by kissing him softly, which Jongdae reciprocates immediately, opening it up as Kyungsoo makes a small noise of surprise and gently spinning him around so the angle is less awkward, smoothing his hands down Kyungsoo’s shoulder blades and down into his back pockets, squeezing a little.

“This won’t convince me into having a pink wall,” Kyungsoo mumbles against Jongdae’s mouth, hand stroking the nape of his neck.

Jongdae laughs lightly. “Maybe not,” he concedes. “But maybe it will convince you into christening some of these new rooms with me?” Jongdae waggles his eyebrows.

Kyungsoo, unfortunately, merely snorts, pushing Jongdae away. “We haven’t even put the bed frame together yet--” he gestures lazily to the mattress on the floor, as if that had ever stopped them before. Jongdae frowns --they’d certainly had sex on harder surfaces back in college... “--And there are still more things that need to be unpacked.”

Kyungsoo wraps his hand around Jongdae’s wrist and tugs him towards the kitchen, where boxes labelled _crockery_ 1 through 4 sit in waiting for the fun argument of which shelves are going to contain which items. Ultimately it will be Kyungsoo’s choice, since he’s the one that actually cooks, but if Jongdae’s lucky he might be able to argue about the cutlery drawer being closer to the microwave, for convenience reasons.

Jongdae rips open a box with a stanley knife and stares at the same plates he and Kyungsoo have used since they first moved in together, seemingly taunting him. He’d hoped a new start might help take Kyungsoo’s mind off of things and put him more in The Mood™, so to speak, but at the end of the day for Kyungsoo it’s still the same job, the same dishes, the same stress.

Not to mention the exact same boring husband.

  
  


 

If it were up to Jongdae, most of the moving in boxes probably wouldn’t be unpacked for months to come --when he’d first moved into the dorms at college, he’d still had a cardboard box filled with assorted objects that he’d been using as a nightstand (until Kyungsoo had pointed at it, said, _what the fuck_ , and promptly forced him to unpack it)-- but Kyungsoo’s obsession of keeping a perfect home sort of prevents this. It’s a side effect of being famous, for one, the nagging need for perfection and always having to have the most modern, aesthetically pleasing living space, and a side effect of being Kyungsoo, who’s just anal about things like this. He’s always arguing about how the concept of _home_ is important to him as it’s his break from the outer world blah blah blah --Jongdae usually zones out thinking about how cute Kyungsoo is when he’s passionate about random shit by the latter stage of his private TED talk.

That being said, though, it’s nice for Jongdae to pack the last of the cardboard boxes under his arms as he takes the elevator down to the recycling bins on the ground floor, exhaling in relief. There’s no food in the new apartment, so they’ll probably have to order in from somewhere nearby, Jongdae wonders what’s good--

\--the elevator doors chime open, and, not having been paying attention, Jongdae unceremoniously bumps into a guy trying to enter, who blurts out, “Woah there,” as Jongdae stabs him with the edges of six unfolded packing boxes.

“Shit.” Jongdae steps forward and to the side to let the man into the elevator, readjusting the boxes under his arm. “I am so sorry.”

Surprisingly, the guy just laughs, startling Jongdae --it’s far too loud and delighted, his mouth pink and rectangular.

“Don’t worry about it,” he insists easily, stepping onto the elevator smoothly and smirking at Jongdae as he presses a button against the panel. “I was just surprised.”

There’s a glint to his dark eyes that has Jongdae pausing for a moment, unsure of what to say. Then, the elevator doors close, and he’s left with only the blurry outline of his own reflection in the steel doors, bewildered.

Jongdae gets rid of the boxes by shoving them into the blue dumpster and heads back up, wondering what Kyungsoo will feel like eating tonight. Pizza, maybe? It’s against his diet, but hopefully Jongdae can coax him into it under the guise of a celebration for finally getting all this finicky moving in stuff out of the way. Between Jongdae’s old job being a shit hole while he’d struggled to find a new one, Kyungsoo’s hectic filming schedule with this new Netflix series being paired with his mother’s illness back in Korea, the moving out thing had just sort of been this giant pile of unnecessary stress grouped in with everything else.

Which is why it feels so good to be done with so much of that, like they’re finally entering a new chapter of their life together, or something. It’s simply relieving.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo greets, as Jongdae walks through the front door. “I just finished the bookcase now, I think we’re done.”

Jongdae blinks, takes it in. “Home sweet home, huh?” he asks, a smile spreading across his face as he inches towards Kyungsoo, placing his hands on his hips.

Kyungsoo hums in agreement. “I guess it’s official now.” He smiles back at Jongdae, so heartfelt and honest it makes Jongdae’s heart pluck out a bitter note, strings tightening as conflict wars in his chest. “I can’t believe we actually bought an apartment together.”

“I know!” Kyungsoo laughs on cue. “It’s almost like we’re real adults now, huh?” They’d been renting out their last apartment, long before Kyungsoo had fame and money and Jongdae had to consider the fact that he was no longer providing in any shape or form to this relationship. Slowly yet surely the sturdy college items he’d known and loved for years had been replaced by newer, shinier, better objects under Kyungsoo’s increasing paycheck, and that… hadn’t been great, at first.

Kyungsoo is biting down on a smile as he fiddles with Jongdae’s collar. “Next thing you know we’ll have a kid and be complaining about the economy.”

“Funny you say that,” Jongdae murmurs against Kyungsoo’s mouth. “Because I kind of always wanted _two_ kids...”

The way they kiss is familiar, and no less pleasurable each time, Kyungsoo’s hand easily pulling Jongdae’s mouth closer by tugging around the back of his neck, opening up beneath his tongue without complaint. Kyungsoo’s mouth is so soft and warm and perfect, and Jongdae really could grow old with him just like this, kissing without a care in the world.

“I’m not the one that’s carrying to term, just so you know,” Kyungsoo mutters. Jongdae just snorts, and pushes him up against the freshly ordered bookcase, thumping slightly as Kyungsoo’s arms wrap around Jongdae’s neck and the kiss deepens. Surely now they’re getting somewhere-- “What do you want for dinner, by the way?”

Jongdae pauses in his kisses down Kyungsoo’s neck to pull back and stare at him. “Seriously?” he asks, not purposefully snippy but… maybe a little bit snide. Jongdae’s irritation has boiled over far too quickly for his liking, but it’s too hot to cool it down. “We’re making out and you’re thinking about dinner?”

“I’m hungry.” Kyungsoo furrows his eyebrows together in confusion. “Is there something wrong with that?”

He isn’t being snappy just… concerned. Jongdae puts space between them with a swift step, and sighs, Kyungsoo’s hands falling to his sides as he frowns, watching Jongdae.

“No,” Jongdae says quickly, smothering his grievances down. “I guess not.” Is there something wrong with him? Is he not good enough for Kyungsoo, anymore? “But we’re getting pizza. That’s non-negotiable.”

Kyungsoo’s smile makes Jongdae’s stomach flop, only further cementing how endlessly in love he is with this stupid man. Too bad Jongdae can no longer tell if Kyungsoo really loves him back, these days.

 

  


 

 

Settling in at their new apartment is… strange. Jongdae isn’t meant to start working at Emperor Books for another two weeks, so for now he just has a lot of free time to familiarise himself with the place.

Kyungsoo, unfortunately, still has his filming schedules, so Jongdae can see he’s struggling to make time to make a home out of the unfamiliar space while juggling with his new part in the second season of the Netflix series, _Thorned Rose_ , where he has a supporting role. Jongdae is excited for him, finally breaking into the spotlight even more, but it’s also daunting for both Kyungsoo and Jongdae, in a way. Kyungsoo Do is a name that’s becoming more and more known each day, and Jongdae isn’t really sure how to feel about reconciling that with the nerdy college boy he’d fallen in love with when he was twenty.

He’s trying to make a home out of a house (apartment) right now, actually, fiddling in the kitchen as the room fills with the smell of melted chocolate and cooked sugar. It’s sweet and delicious and a hundred percent alluring as Jongdae returns from his morning jog only to drift towards the kitchen and waggle his fingers greedily in front of the cooling rack of brownies. _Kyungsoo’s_ brownies, AKA the most delicious brownies in the fucking world.

Kyungsoo instantly slaps his hand away. “Don’t even think about it,” he threatens, holding up the spatula at Jongdae’s chest. There’s a smear of chocolate on his cheek. “These are for the neighbors, not you.”

“Don’t you have filming in an hour?” Jongdae asks, pouting as he drops his hand, watching Kyungsoo move to the oven to pull out the next batch. “Did you seriously wake up early just to bake for our neighbors?”

“I felt isolated in our last place,” Kyungsoo explains, frowning slightly, as he chooses his words. “Like we didn’t know anyone. I don’t want that to be the case here.”

“You realise everyone in this building is super rich and famous and doesn’t want to be bothered, right?” While Kyungsoo’s back is turned, Jongdae slowly reaches for a brownie.

He swivels around immediately, slightly glaring. God he has a sixth sense for this type of shit, honestly. “They’re also people, and it doesn’t hurt to know who we’re sharing a floor with.” Jongdae steps forward to thumb the chocolate smear off of Kyungsoo’s cheek, licking his finger afterwards. God it tastes good. Kyungsoo’s cheeks squish easily beneath his hands, completely nonplussed. “Besides, they’re not all rich and famous.”

It’s a pretty high class building, right in the centre of L.A with a killer view, so they’re at least rich. Jongdae still can’t believe he’s living in a place like this, sometimes.

He doesn’t say any of that though, just shrugs. “Well, I can drop off some of these if you want, scope out the prospects.”

Kyungsoo’s lips twitch. “How can I trust you not to eat every single one?”

Jongdae gives his most innocent smile, holding his hand over his heart. “Scout’s honour.”

While Kyungsoo is showering before he’s set to film for the rest of the day, Jongdae chews on a brownie thoughtfully and moans, rinsing it down with a glass of milk and feeling oddly nostalgic when he looks at their new apartment, how far they’ve come, and is still somehow reminded of study sessions in the library, with Kyungsoo coming into the overnight section at one a.m with a tub of brownies even though they weren’t meant to eat there, just to keep Jongdae company. It’s a familiar taste, a treasured one, and yet, Jongdae can’t help but notice something different about them, like they’re a little too bitter.

Maybe the new oven will take Kyungsoo some getting used to.

Regardless, once Kyungsoo is gone with a kiss on the cheek Jongdae procrastinates with his own shower and getting dressed before braving the darkness of their apartment floor. It feels very American dream-y to be giving the neighbors brownies, but it’s also very Kyungsoo, and Jongdae supposes it wouldn’t hurt to introduce himself, let them know he’s moved in, familiarise himself with it all. They’d lived in their last building for over five years and never knew any of their neighbors… it would be a good thing to change that up, for once.

Except no one answers when Jongdae knocks, even though it’s eleven a.m on a Saturday, and he’s starting to get a little dejected about it. 601 and 603 don’t respond at all, even though Jongdae waits patiently, and he’s kind of relieved, in hindsight, because that’s two apartments filled with people he doesn’t have to socialise with, and hopefully Kyungsoo will let him eat the brownies instead, later.

Jongdae makes it to apartment 604 with low expectations, knocking apathetically, only to be surprised when it swings open, only to be met with a weirdly familiar face, blinking at Jongdae from beneath a head of crimson hair.

“You know,” he says, no introductions, no hellos, no questions, nothing. Jongdae’s mouth isn’t even halfway open yet to form his first syllable and he’s already being cut off. “It’s really weird to go knocking around in an apartment building that has like, a buzzer system.”

Jongdae frowns. “I’m trying to meet my neighbors.”

“I can tell,” the guy says, smiling lopsidedly as he leans against the door frame, arms crossed, a little smug. His face is familiar, but there’s something else about him that makes Jongdae… squirm. “I could hear you knocking away... I’ve been expecting you.”

The guy licks his lips, holding his hand out expectantly, and Jongdae just… laughs. It’s such a childish motion, the greediness, it surprises him how much youth is added to the stranger's face as he just smiles at Jongdae, evidently pleased.

“I’m Jongdae,” Jongdae says, offering out his hand instead of the tupperware container of brownies he has tucked behind his back. “Just moved into 602.”

“Baekhyun.” Baekhyun's fingers are long and smooth where they meet Jongdae’s. He stands on his tiptoes to peek over Jongdae’s shoulder. “I’m assuming that container of deliciousness you’ve been lugging around is for me?”

His endless demands should be exasperating, but Jongdae just finds himself endeared. “Here,” he holds out the brownies at last, Baekhyun greedily taking it immediately. “Be careful, they’re addicting.”

He’s already ripped off the lid and bitten into one, moaning, and Jongdae just watches as Baekhyun purposefully chews, swallows, and wipes off the few stray crumbs with the back of his hand. Okay, definitely young, how the hell is he living in a place like this?

“This is the best thing I’ve ever put in my mouth,” he blurts immediately, then pauses. “Title of my sex tape.” Jongdae can’t even hold back his laugh at that; Baekhyun just looks even more pleased. “My roommate can’t eat sugar though and I don’t want to get too addicted…” He bites his lip then, unsure. “Wanna come inside and help me eat this entire container?”

Jongdae grins. “It’d be a pleasure.”

Baekhyun’s apartment is a carbon copy of Jongdae’s and Kyungsoo’s, other than the interior decorating, of course, the layout is the same. It’s a weird experience to see something so identical done so differently, but also vindicating because their own apartment definitely looks better. Heh.

“Sorry about the mess.” Baekhyun grins sheepishly as he kicks away a stray hoodie on the ground. “Wasn’t expecting any hot guests, obviously.”

Is Jongdae mishearing things? “Uh no, it’s fine,” he assures, squinting. “These are really good with milk, FYI.” He gestures to the small plastic tub in gesture, Baekhyun entering the kitchen with a salute, returning with two.. mugs… of milk. No glasses? Definitely young.

“You a brownie connoisseur?” he asks, sitting down at the table easily and gesturing for Jongdae to do so opposite him, which he does, albeit hesitantly. Getting to know their neighbours is what Kyungsoo wanted and Jongdae too, but something about Baekhyun has him on edge.

“My husband has been making these for years.” Jongdae shrugs. “I know what I’m about.”

It doesn’t even slip his mind that he’s just outed himself and Kyungsoo instantly until Baekhyun is just staring at him in the silence, and Jongdae quickly grows uncomfortable. It’s easy to forget that homophobia is like, a thing, when you live in your little bubble of acceptance, that the world out there isn’t as loving as the people around you, and the way Baekhyun is staring makes Jongdae wonder if this is going to quickly turn into a bad situation--

Then, all he says, high-pitched is, “You’re married?”

“Uh.” Jongdae clears his throat. “Yeah?”

“Oh.” Baekhyun pouts. “Disappointing,” he mumbles, under his breath, but again, maybe Jongdae’s just mishearing things. “How long have you been married?”

“Coming up on our third year.” Jongdae smiles dopily despite himself, mostly because he can’t help it. Love makes people stupid, and Jongdae was already pretty dumb to begin with.

“Sounds like you’re a lucky guy,” Baekhyun says, almost wryly. “Especially if your husband can cook like this.” He reaches for another slice of brownie almost immediately, humming contentedly as he washes a huge bite down with a mouthful of milk.

“This is just the tip of the iceberg, really, I’m blessed to have him.” Jongdae dunks his brownie into the mug of milk, because old habits die hard. “What about you? Do you live with anyone?”

Baekhyun hums with his mouthful, holding his hand over his lip to signal that he’ll speak once he swallows. “A friend of mine, Sehun Oh?”

“As in…?” The name should be familiar, and Baekhyun says it as if testing the waters, but Jongdae has the habits of an eighty year old man who has yet to discover how the internet works --marrying Kyungsoo hadn’t helped on that front.

“Oh he’s-- a model, don’t worry about it.” Baekhyun waves his hands, grinning. “I’m just his regular college roommate.”

“Living in a place like this?” Jongdae arches his eyebrow. “Pretty lucky for a college kid.”

“Not a kid,” Baekhyun quickly points out, and Jongdae opens his mouth to clarify that it’s really just an expression, and Baekhyun is far from a child --since it’s obviously a touchy subject for him-- but he’s already being cut off by Baekhyun’s shrug. “But yeah, I needed a place, Sehun had a spare room, pretty sure he gives me discount rent secretly but I’m not complaining.”

Baekhyun gives a cheesy wink, and Jongdae laughs despite himself; gosh, Baekhyun’s oddly charming, and Jongdae can tell they’re going to get along just great. The prospect of a new friend so close to home excites him, he can’t wait for him to meet Kyungsoo --or maybe Jongdae should keep Baekhyun for himself, for just a little while longer.

“What do you study?” Jongdae asks out of curiosity, watching Baekhyun inhale another brownie as he carefully breaks and dips part of his.

“ _Moofic_ ,” Baekhyun says with puffed cheeks, then pointedly swallows. “Music,” he clarifies. “I accidentally missed a few credits and took a few semesters off a few years back--” he waves it away casually enough that Jongdae doesn’t prod. He wasn’t one of the people who had ever struggled with university --on the contrary, Jongdae had rather flourished-- but he can understand that it’s hard for a lot of students. Kyungsoo is a prime example of that; he’d dropped out to transfer to acting school mid-way through his third year. “--so I’m graduating this September, if all goes according to plan.”

“That must be exciting,” Jongdae replies, with a tentative smile. “What are you thinking of doing after?”

Baekhyun pauses then, mulling over the question. “... Uh. Pass. Next question?” Jongdae snorts into his mug. “Does anybody actually know the answer to that?” He kicks Jongdae lightly under the table. “What did you do after college? Assuming you went, that is.”

“I was a design student.” Jongdae shrugs. “I guess I just fucked around for a year or so sending out apps when I could. I actually got my first job through my husband…” A friend Kyungsoo had met through acting school knew someone looking for a graphic artist on the new _Cretaceous Planet_ movie posters, and somehow Jongdae got thrown into the lot, finally able to quit his shitty retail job. Somehow the chain of careers had just connected after that, and now Jongdae’s one of the new designers at Emperor Books --which he has… yet to start. “...Connections are everything in the real world, and knowing famous people helps.” Jongdae waggles his eyebrows, and Baekhyun laughs.

“Naturally the only famous person I know is also the most introverted... Unless I suddenly want to start a modelling career, I think I’ll be winging it." Jongdae almost wants to argue that Baekhyun could definitely model if he wanted to, but then he just… stops himself. “Hopefully something will come up by then.”

His grin is optimistic, and oddly cute. It’s… admirable, maybe, to seem so positive about things. By the time Jongdae was nearing graduation, his outlook was fairly grim, and he remembers how tense things had been with Kyungsoo, even back then. While he was flourishing in acting school, loving it, Jongdae was insecure and pretty damn hopeless --if it hadn’t been for Kyungsoo kicking his ass into gear all the time, along with his parents, well, Jongdae isn’t sure where he’d be right now.

“So what do you do now?” Baekhyun suddenly asks, never allowing a single lull in the conversation. It’s nice to talk to someone so freely, even if it’s just the polite get-to-know-you stuff. Maybe Baekhyun hates silence as much as Jongdae does --Kyungsoo has never minded it, though, so Jongdae has learnt to adjust.

“Ah I’m… a designer for a publishing house, so I work with hiring illustrators for books and getting the typography right and stuff.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Nothing interesting, really.”

“Are you kidding me?” Baekhyun says, eyes wide. “That’s like  one of those jobs you never consider has to be done, that’s _so_ cool-- what books have you done? Do you like it?”

So many questions, so much genuine enthusiasm --Jongdae is overwhelmed. Baekhyun lives with a model in a high security apartment building designed for the rich and famous, and here he is asking Jongdae about his publishing job.

“It’s. Uh. I haven’t actually started yet?” Jongdae laughs nervously. “I can let you know in two weeks time.”

Jongdae isn’t sure what he’s said to make Baekhyun smile the way he is right now, soft and… sparkly, eyes curved, but it’s pleasant to see all the same, and he can’t help himself from returning it.

“I’ll be sure to ask,” Baekhyun says, and takes another bite of brownie.

  
  


 

Jongdae had ended up hanging out with Baekhyun all morning until he’d said he was meant to do groceries before Sehun got back and kicked Jongdae out --all amicably, of course. Jongdae isn’t sure what they’d even ended up talking about, jobs, lives, stories, everything and anything in between, but all he knows now is that he has Baekhyun’s number plugged into his phone, and is excited to spend more time with him. A new friend is always a great thing in an adult life, where socialising is pretty much secondary to everything else --especially when they’d left all their other ones behind in New Jersey-- it’s nice to have a familiar face in an unfamiliar city.

Kyungsoo gets home somewhere between three and four, Jongdae is guessing, gathering by how much he wants to die after being woken up by him creeping into the bedroom, and the sound of the water running. Unfortunately Jongdae is conditioned to wake up whenever Kyungsoo does this, so instead of falling back asleep, he switches on the nightlight and sits up, scrolling through his phone while he waits for Kyungsoo to finish. The passing thought of joining him in the shower flits in and out of Jongdae’s mind, but, well, even this time, Jongdae himself is too tired for that.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo greets as he towels off his hair, tugging on a sleeping shirt. “You didn’t have to wake up.”

“You know I will regardless of whether you say that or not, right?” Jongdae asks, and Kyungsoo’s sleepy little smile makes him grin. “C’mere,” Jongdae tugs him onto the bed, Kyungsoo falling into his arms easily. “How was work?”

“Exhausting,” Kyungsoo mumbles, letting Jongdae tuck him in. Ah, sleepy, resigned Kyungsoo is one of the best Kyungsoos --this one doesn’t bite when Jongdae shows any form of affection.

“You could have slept in your trailer,” Jongdae says, reaching over for the bedside lamp. Kyungsoo makes a noncommittal noise.

“Didn’t want to leave you alone,” he mumbles, barely coherent. Jongdae smiles down at him, and finally switches the lights off, tucking himself beneath the covers. When he reaches for Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo wriggles away, complaining about it being too warm, or something. Everything soft in Jongdae’s heart hardens within a minute, and the iciness surprises him, alongside the bitter taste of dejection. Jongdae rolls over to his other side so he’s no longer facing Kyungsoo, and the gap between them feels as wide as a gaping canyon, as cold as winter’s snow.

  


 

 

Jongdae finds himself growing quickly restless with how much time he has to kill at home, after setting up everything in the apartment there’s really just… nothing. Kyungsoo is at the deepest part of his filming schedule now so he’s never home, so mostly Jongdae just chews through the stuff on their Netflix queue hoping Kyungsoo never finds out that he watched it without him --he purposefully picks the things Kyungsoo cares about the least, just for that reason.

All in all, it’s no surprise Jongdae forces himself into going jogging most mornings, just to get out of the house. (He only gets lost in the neighbourhood once or twice, so thank god for Google Maps.)

He bumps into Baekhyun coming back from class on his way to the elevator, and quickly tugs out an earphone to say, “Hey!”

Baekhyun has a coffee cup in one hand and a chocolate donut in the other, still wrapped in paper with crumbs around his lips as he swivels around, slowly raking his eyes over Jongdae’s body, dressed in skins for exercising.

“Hey,” Baekhyun replies, slowly lowering the donut and tucking it  into his messenger bag alongside a thick stack of notebooks.“You uh. Exercise? Huh?”

“Just to get out.” Jongdae grins, hitting the up button on the elevator. “Going a little stir-crazy without work, I guess.”

“That’s sad,” Baekhyun says bluntly, and Jongdae just blinks at him. “But understandable, if it were up to me, without school, I think I’d find a way to merge with my couch.” He pokes at his belly as if to prove a point, tugging at the layers of chubbiness.

“That changes once you get married and suddenly you’re stressed about always looking good to prevent becoming a divorce statistic.”

It’s meant to come off as a joke but Baekhyun just sort of, stares at the ground for a second, then looks at Jongdae as his hands fall back to his side. “Insecurity, much?”

“I was kidding.” Jongdae frowns, and Baekhyun seems unconvinced. “I really don’t exercise that often, I guess I just uh, don’t gain a lot of weight.”

“Ah, good, just when I was starting to like you too much you make me hate you again.” Jongdae laughs, a familiar movement, with Baekhyun around. He’s so funny and captivating it’s just hard not to --he’s really good at controlling the tone of the conversation, too, and that’s something Jongdae appreciates after his... missed joke.

“Again?” Jongdae quotes, tipping his head to the side.

“Hot, rich _and_ married?” Baekhyun clicks his tongue. “The epitome of everything I’m not.”

He mockingly sighs, so Jongdae rolls his eyes and knocks their shoulders together. “Shut up. You’ve still got time to get rich and married.”

The elevator doors chime as they open. “Oh?” Baekhyun prompts. “You implying I’m already hot?”

A crude way of putting it, but Baekhyun is far from unattractive. Unfortunately, Jongdae isn’t that easy, and Baekhyun’s sly smile is far too smug for his liking.

“Nah, in that case some of us are just born lucky." He boops Baekhyun’s nose on the way out, and Baekhyun scoffs.

“First you lower my self-esteem by making me eat brownies and now this!!” He angrily shakes a fist at Jongdae, who laughs as he opens his front door. “You deserve my hatred.”

“Can I make it up to you by offering you a coffee?” Jongdae suggests, leaning against the door handle, a little nervous, maybe, but not too badly. He’s comfortable enough around Baekhyun to know any rejection won’t be because of personal qualms.

“Ah, as much as I’d love to I have a two-thousand word paper due at midnight I haven’t started yet and six red bulls waiting for me,” Baekhyun jabs his thumb behind him to his door, then bites his lip before adding, “rain check?”

Jongdae grins at him in relief. “Sure, I’m free literally always, so whenever you wanna hang out is good for me.” He’s not sure at which stage of his life his only friend became his next door college neighbor, but here Jongdae is.

“What? No romantic plans with the ~husband~” Baekhyun teases, and Jongdae tenses instinctively, trying not to let it show on his face. “I’m beginning to think you made him up.”

“He’s busy with work a lot,” Jongdae admits, rubbing the back of his neck. He’s never sure how to drop the _my husband is a famous actor_ bomb around new people, so Kyungsoo usually just ends up being some obscure figure until he can trust them enough. Kyungsoo’s taken status is no secret to the public, if they know where to look, but his marriage to Jongdae definitely is --it’s something Jongdae has always been prepared for, going into this relationship, he’s just… not really sure he’s ever going to fully accept it.

“Oh,” Baekhyun says. “That explains the disappointing amount of crazy loud sex you guys have.” He kisses his teeth. “Thin walls, y’know.”

He probably hadn’t meant to step on a hidden landmine, but he has. Jongdae’s entire body tenses as he winces and says, “That’s… inappropriate. Could you… not?” Jongdae had learnt the hard way to stop letting people walk all over his boundaries --his sense of humour is pretty lenient, but there are a couple of lines. Anything bigoted is one of them, anything personally offensive is another.

Baekhyun immediately looks crestfallen. “I’m so sorry I-- it was a shitty joke.” He makes a disgruntled noise, exhaling. “I won’t make it again.”

He’s taking to the call out so well it just makes Jongdae feel worse, still hovering outside their doors as they have this hallway conversation. “No it’s just-- I guess I’m weird about it, sorry.” Baekhyun looks like he wants to ask, but he doesn’t. “I’ll just. Let you get back to your paper, yeah? Knock whenever you’re free from hell and want some lame fogey company.”

“The fact that you say fogey really emphasizes that point,” Baekhyun says, mood lifting as his lips tilt upwards. “Thanks, Jongdae. I hope your husband’s work schedule starts clearing up soon. The walls here aren’t even thin they’re super soundproof I mean-- you probably know that, you’ve seen the rent--” he’s rambling now, nervous. It’s… cute. “--and I can’t shut up, I’m making a fool of myself. Okay. Goodbye.” Baekhyun throws out finger guns for good measure. “I’m going to disappear into my room and definitely not lament over how much of an idiot I am.”

Jongdae laughs reluctantly. “Goodbye, Baekhyun.” His front door clicks shut as Baekhyun zips behind it, and suddenly Jongdae is alone again.

But there’s a smile on his face, at the very least. Baekhyun’s pretty good at doing that.

  


 

 

Kyungsoo gets a surprise filming break on Saturday, due to an error with a couple of scenes from the other characters needing to be re-shot with better weather conditions. Kyungsoo is half-annoyed for the setback in schedule, half-grateful, because this way he gets a break. It’s been so intensive he’s been sleeping in his trailer the past two nights, Jongdae has never been more relieved to have him home.

As of now, they’re finishing off a TV series they started months ago, long before the move, and asking each other for clarification on plot details they can’t remember. It’s a beautiful spring day and they’re curled up on the couch with Jongdae’s head on Kyungsoo’s chest, and yet neither of them seem to complain --not that they could go out, considering Kyungsoo’s fame and tendency to get recognised, meaning Jongdae stays locked away whenever they're together. Jongdae may still be a little stir-crazy, but it’s just nice to have Kyungsoo around. He always misses him the most during intensive filming schedules like these, he’s not going to waste the precious time complaining.

Kyungsoo’s hand is lightly scratching the back of Jongdae’s neck, leaving him to let out a contented hum, and idly, Jongdae slips a hand beneath Kyungsoo’s pyjama t-shirt, sliding across the skin.

“What are you doing?” Kyungsoo asks plainly, glancing down at Jongdae.

“Uh,” Jongdae stalls. “Seducing you?”

Kyungsoo glances at Jongdae’s hand in his shirt, the empty popcorn bowl on the coffee table, the Netflix series playing on their flatscreen.

“...Could it wait? I kinda want to finish the episode.”

Jongdae groans in frustration. “Seriously?” he snaps. “Soo, it’s been months since we last had sex.”

Kyungsoo winces. “I’m just not in the mood, ever since mom got sick--”

“That was also months ago!” Jongdae complains, voice high-pitched. “You can’t keep throwing the same excuses out every fucking time I try to bring some form of passion back into this marriage--”

“How can you possibly blame me for this?” Kyungsoo argues, face set and stern as his forehead vein bulges out a little. “It’s not my fault I don’t feel up to it, don’t pressure me. Unless I don’t serve a purpose to you beyond sucking your dick.”

“Kyungsoo that’s not--” Jongdae makes a frustrated noise. “--that’s not the problem here, okay, I just want to know why I’m not good enough for y--” He’s cut off by a knock at the door, echoing in the sudden silence. This apartment building has a buzzer system and a doorman, so it’s not like they’re getting Jehovah’s witnesses or girl scout cookies. Jongdae’s entire body tenses up as his mind clicks together who it probably is, and he throws one desperate look at Kyungsoo before getting up to answer it.

Baekhyun’s wearing black jeans and a plain white sweater that hangs over his hands and dangles mid-thigh, red hair effortlessly tousled and smile apparent. It drops when he sees the look on Jongdae’s face.

“Oh,” he says, anticlimactically. “I came here for the rain check and you said any time but--” he bites his lip. “--this is a bad time, isn’t it?”

Jongdae wonders what he looks like, the serious expression, the clenched jaw. “No,” he tries, struggling to find the words. “It’s-- my husband has a surprise day off so we were just--”

Baekhyun holds up his hands, smiling lopsidedly. “Don’t worry about it,” he quickly reassures. “I’ll just um. I’ll text ahead next time, I guess?”

Jongdae softens, laughing nervously. “It’s seriously just the one time I don’t-- don’t think you’re uninvited or anything.” So much for playing the good neighbor role who Baekhyun can come to rely on, the one time somebody is trying to worm themselves into Jongdae’s life, Jongdae pushes them right back out again.

And then he wonders why he’s so lonely. Ha.

Baekhyun steps back swiftly, awkwardly throwing out a wave, but his departure is stopped by a timid, “...Who is it?”

Kyungsoo’s holding his arms over his chest, looking small and vulnerable as he steps out from behind the corner, glancing over Jongdae’s shoulder.

“Oh… Kyungsoo this is Baekhyun, one of our neighbors I told you about?” It had been an offhanded conversation one night while they’d both been half asleep over dinner. Kyungsoo nods in recognition.

There’s a split-second where Baekhyun stares at Kyungsoo, wide-eyed, and then his eyes seem to go even wider as the typical recognition flashes across his face. The cons of dating an actor from a hit Netflix series, sigh.

Luckily, Baekhyun has a smooth recovery. “And I was just leaving to let you two have your alone time, Jongdae tells me your busy with work a lot, so--”

“You can stay,” Kyungsoo says suddenly, and he seems to be staring Baekhyun down, sizing him up, maybe? Jongdae can’t tell. He’s shocked at Kyungsoo’s willingness to throw away their day together, and shocked at his reaction, too. He’s so calm and polite like they hadn’t been fighting 0.5 seconds prior to this --he really is a good actor-- but there’s something… off, about him too. Part of Jongdae wants to bring Baekhyun into his life and introduce him to his husband so they can all get along, but a different part of him, darker and bitter, wants to keep Baekhyun to himself, and as far away from Kyungsoo as possible, almost sheerly out of pettiness.

And that’s not a great realisation to have at midday, standing between the two people themselves.

“We were just about to have lunch, you’re welcome to join us.” Kyungsoo smiles his most charming smile, and that’s how Jongdae knows he’s already won. He steps forward and outstretches a hand. “I’m Kyungsoo. Jongdae has a bad epithet habit.”

“I know,” Baekhyun blurts, then returns the handshake. “I mean I uh-- um-- I--” he pulls his hand back to cover his face, ears red. “--I’m a fan.”

Kyungsoo laughs charmingly, and Jongdae rolls his eyes.

“He’s not as cool in real life I assure you,” Jongdae tells him. It would be amazing to just once meet someone who _hasn’t_ watched the entirety of _Seven-Seven_ and hasn’t seen Kyungsoo’s badass espionage acting for three consecutive seasons. It had been his first breakthrough and his currently most well-known role, the supporting lead in the crime drama and a fan favourite due to his dry witty lines and charming good looks. When the first season had come out three and a half years ago, Jongdae had been so into the Kyungsoo on screen they’d had sex for _days_. So he gets it, really. He does.

“But I’m still not as lame as Jongdae.” Kyungsoo smiles at Jongdae with curved eyes, and places a hand over his shoulder, oddly forceful and kind of… out of character, for him. Baekhyun’s eyes zero in on the point of contact, and he gulps. “I was just about to start making some pasta. You haven’t eaten yet, right?”

“Um. No?” Baekhyun replies, and seems bewildered as he’s pulled into the apartment by Jongdae with an unapologetic shrug, shutting the door gently behind him as Baekhyun kicks off his shoes and follows them both into the kitchen.

“Do you have any allergies, Baekhyun?” Kyungsoo calls from where he’s tying on an apron. Jongdae wordlessly moves to fill three glasses of water as Baekhyun tentatively takes a seat at the kitchen stool.

“No I eat literally everything,” Baekhyun jokes, evidently nervous. Jongdae can’t tell if he’s still starstruck by Kyungsoo or just intimidated at the unexpected social situation, thrown off, maybe. He places his hands on the edge of the stool as he swings lightly, side-to-side, glancing around their apartment. It is, belatedly, Jongdae realises, the first time he’s been in here. “Do you cook often?”

“When I have the time. Unfortunately Jongdae would find some way to set the place on fire lighting a birthday candle, so the food duties are on me.”

“Hey!” Jongdae argues, indignant. “I make really good toast…”

Baekhyun and Kyungsoo just laugh.

Jongdae helps Kyungsoo chop up ingredients --since there’s nothing flammable involved there-- and pipes in occasionally as Kyungsoo asks Baekhyun questions about himself --what he’s studying, what he hopes to do, et cetera. Baekhyun seems a little more reserved with Kyungsoo than he had been with Jongdae, and Jongdae doesn’t know if that’s due to intimidation or Baekhyun just being that damn good; the easygoingness he’d displayed with Jongdae at their first meeting wouldn’t be as successful on Kyungsoo, and Baekhyun clearly knows that.

Baekhyun also asks Kyungsoo about work, although he clearly numbs down his more starstruck gaze on the matter, being polite and casual and pretending like Kyungsoo isn’t a celebrity. He’s goddamn impressive, and Jongdae is weirdly proud, as if the only neighbour he’s even met, let alone befriended, has been a good choice. Kyungsoo warms up to him as lunch continues, especially when Baekhyun compliments his cooking, and Baekhyun is a good fit here, Jongdae decides, one he’s definitely keen on keeping around.

His previous frustrations with Kyungsoo have melted away in Baekhyun’s presence, although Jongdae can’t tell if that’s because they’ve been repressed or actually soothed; it’s hard to say, and he almost fears Baekhyun’s departure because of it.

(Kyungsoo is the world-renowned actor, but they’re both pretty good at pretending.)

Kyungsoo washes up while Jongdae dries and puts dishes away, mumbling when he opens the wrong cupboard because he still isn’t used to where everything is yet, Kyungsoo wordlessly redirecting him as Baekhyun watches from the kitchen counter with his chin in his palm, full and sated.

“You guys are really the perfect couple, huh?” he remarks, almost offhandedly, and then fidgets as his words process. “I mean-- you finish each other’s sentences and everything.”

Jongdae and Kyungsoo make eye contact, blinking at each other. Do they?

“See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about.” Baekhyun laughs easily. “Perfect.”

“Oh we know~” Jongdae sing-songs, wrapping his hands around Kyungsoo’s waist and swaying them lightly from side to side as Kyungsoo just chuckles softly and playfully swats for Jongdae’s nose, missing.

It’s almost scary how easy playing pretend can be.


	2. Chapter 2

It’s not the first time this has happened, but it’s the first time Jongdae has ever been so mad about it.

His phone buzzes on top of the counter.

 _Sorry, won’t be able to make it home. Filming went overtime_.

Jongdae sighs into the empty apartment, unsurprised. He’d ordered takeout from his new favourite Chinese place in hopes to make it one of their regulars, all spread out neatly on the table with a few candles and everything, just for… well, Jongdae doesn’t even know. He’s just trying to put some fucking effort into this marriage since he had the day to kill before work starts at last tomorrow, and Kyungsoo can’t even make it home. Jongdae had known marrying Kyungsoo would be hard, but he never thought it’d be _this_ hard.

He takes the trash out with a dejected sigh, and bumps into Baekhyun sorting through the mail on his way to his door.

“Woah,” Baekhyun says, taking off his headphones so that they sit around his neck, and pulling out his phone to hit pause. “I heard that through the music.”

Jongdae laughs nervously. “Hey Baek,” he greets, leaving the garbage bag in the trash chute before shutting the hatch door behind him again. “You have class this late?”

Baekhyun grunts. “Not usually, but group projects…” he trails off, grimacing. “God, it took so fucking long. It’s like working with monkeys.”

Jongdae laughs, remembering his own struggle with group projects. “Just wait until you get a full time job in the real world, your suffering never ends.”

“Ah, as opposed to university, which is just a capitalist simulation." Jongdae gives Baekhyun a short laugh he probably doesn’t deserve, but it’s harder _not_ to smile at Baekhyun, honestly. “You start work tomorrow, right?”

Jongdae pauses, surprised. “You remember?” he blurts, caught off-guard, then grins. “But uh-- yeah, I do.”

“Excited?” 

“Nervous,” Jongdae corrects, rubbing the back of his neck. “But it should be something new and refreshing, I guess.”

Baekhyun hums nonchalantly, stepping back towards his door, but Jongdae tugs him back by the sleeve suddenly, causing him to falter. Baekhyun spins around then, blinking in confusion, and when he stares a little too hard at where Jongdae is gripping the edge of his sweater sleeve, Jongdae tugs his hand back, staring at it too. He’s not sure why he’d done that, he just....

“You haven’t eaten yet, right?” Jongdae blurts, as Baekhyun nods slowly. “Wanna have dinner together?”

“I--” Baekhyun looks like he’s about to argue, biting his bottom lip, but then he meets Jongdae’s eyes and relents. “Okay.”

The candles are still burning as Jongdae opens the apartment door, both of them kicking their shoes off as Baekhyun dumps his book bag by the step before walking through the hallway ahead of Jongdae and saying, “Is Kyungsoo home or-- Oh.”

Jongdae rushes forward embarrassedly, blowing out the candles and putting them away.

“Stood up, huh?” Baekhyun offers a tentative smile.

“Kyungsoo’s working,” Jongdae replies, placing the candles in a bottom cupboard beneath the kitchen counter. “Late. Again.”

“It must suck being married to a celebrity.” Baekhyun sits down slowly as Jongdae gestures for him to do so. “I mean, Sehun’s just my roommate, and I still get kinda lonely with how much he’s out all the time.”

The containers are a little cold, so Jongdae takes them to the microwave for a quick reheat. “I’m glad somebody gets it,” he admits, laughing dryly. “My older brother thinks it’s all fun and luxury but honestly?” Jongdae pauses as he watches two of the plastic containers spin around briefly before pulling them out. “If I had the opportunity to go back in time to before Kyungsoo was an actor, I’d take it.”

“Seriously?” Baekhyun asks, bewildered, and Jongdae shrugs stiffly with faux-nonchalance. “Have you… told Kyungsoo that?”

This isn’t exactly where he wanted a friendly dinner to go, and Jongdae grimaces as he places all the food back on the table, alongside a pitcher of water, leaning over to fill Baekhyun’s glass.

“No,” Jongdae says quietly, sitting down opposite Baekhyun on the other side of the table. “Of course not. Would you tell _your_ husband you regret all his success?”

Baekhyun scoffs. “Well, I don’t have a husband,” he says like the smartass he is, causing Jongdae to roll his eyes. “But no, I guess not. Seems like you should at least talk about it though, right?”

Jongdae’s mouth twists. “I knew the consequences when I decided to marry him, I guess…” He idly stirs his wooden chopsticks through his noodles.

“You proposed?” 

“We both kinda proposed,” he retells, chewing a mouthful and then swallowing it. “I mean we’d been talking about it since we met--” Baekhyun looks positively horrified. “--what?”

“You’d been discussing getting married since you _met_?” he asks, aghast.

Jongdae shifts awkwardly. “I mean not necessarily to like, each other, at the start, but… You survive college together and you can pretty much handle anything else. I guess we both knew we were going to be together forever, we were just wondering who was going to crack first.” Kyungsoo and Jongdae had always gotten along on that front, the traditional side of things. When Jongdae had asked Kyungsoo out for coffee after class one day he’d said _it better be a date or I won’t show up. I don’t screw around, Jongdae Kim._ And that’s how Jongdae fallen a little bit deeper for him. Kyungsoo and Jongdae both had relatively compatible plans of graduation, marriage, careers and kids, it’s just one thing of many that makes them work so well. They’d both grown up kind of traditionalist --except for like, the whole being gay thing-- with their immigrant Korean families, so they’d bonded over it well enough.

“And you cracked first,” Baekhyun concludes, pointing at Jongdae with the ends of his chopsticks.

Jongdae grins sheepishly. “I’m pretty sure Kyungsoo psyched me into it by dropping his ring size and watching rom-coms about weddings with me for weeks but-- yeah, I cracked.”

It’s a fond memory even now, picking out matching engagement rings, planning out where to propose. He couldn’t do a public space in case Kyungsoo was recognised, or something, even if his fame had barely been existent then, he’d been filming Seven-Seven, so they both knew it would explode soon enough. Jongdae had worried over it for so long he’d ended up doing an on-the-spot improv proposal when they were getting dressed one morning and the ring box dropped out of his sock drawer when he’d reached for a pair, cluttering to the ground at Kyungsoo’s feet, who’d picked up the battered box and said with a smile, _seriously? The sock drawer?_

Jongdae had replied with, _It’s so obvious you’d never think to look there._

Kyungsoo had laughed as Jongdae had plucked the box out of his hands, smile more beautiful than anything in the world, and even now Jongdae recalls the memories with elation in his ribcage, chest warm.

“You must really miss him, huh?” Baekhyun kicks Jongdae lightly underneath the table and knocking him out of his reverie. “You look so lovesick, it’s really cute.”

“Oh,” Jongdae mumbles, flushing. “Yeah I-- I guess. Good memories, you know?”

Baekhyun hums, nibbling on his lip again, Jongdae watches the movement curiously. He wonders if Baekhyun’s mouth ever sits still. Much like Baekhyun himself, Jongdae doubts it.

“So when did you get married?” Baekhyun asks with a mouthful. “Last time I checked, which definitely wasn’t a week ago after I met him, Kyungsoo’s Wikipedia page mentions nothing about a husband.”

Jongdae snorts; Baekhyun’s grin widens. “He didn’t want to out himself,” Jongdae shrugs. “But he also refuses to say he’s single, so he just uses gender neutral terms all the time and somehow nobody’s caught on.”

Baekhyun nods grievously in understanding, and Jongdae stares pointedly at his place as he reaches for another spring roll. It’s hard enough as is to come out as a gay man, harder to come out as a bi man, and even harder than that to come out as a bi asian man. Jongdae understands Kyungsoo’s struggle between wanting to keep his career intact and saying _fuck you_ to anyone who dares to question his life. It’s not too bad, because it’s not like Jongdae is constantly shoved into a closet --on the contrary, their friends and families are well aware of the truth-- but it still… hurts, sometimes, when Kyungsoo has to attend an event alone, and Jongdae will watch him from home on the TV screen, wishing he could be there to hold his hand through it.

“Straight people are kind of idiots,” Baekhyun comments, which Jongdae snorts at in agreement, while quietly filing away the fact that Baekhyun just kind of came out, purposefully not reacting to the fact. “Kyungsoo could kiss you on national television and talk about how gay he is for you, and he’ll still get Seven-Seven fangirls claiming he’s straight.”

“I hate that you’re right,” Jongdae says with a half-sigh, half-laugh. Baekhyun just gives a reassuring smile.

“You should get used to that, I’m always right.”

Jongdae rolls his eyes fondly, nudging Baekhyun under the table.

“Sure thing,” he says, without an ounce of belief behind it, causing Baekhyun to screech a little and throw a piece of carrot at Jongdae, which lands on his t-shirt, staining it with oyster sauce, as Jongdae just looks down in offense before Baekhyun bites his lip to stop himself from smiling, snickering.

“You little--” Jongdae throws a snow pea right back, and he never expected himself to spend his night husband-less, having a food-fight with his nextdoor neighbour like a petty child, but here he is, with exactly zero regret.

  


 

 

The first day at work turns out to be… predictably difficult.

Jongdae’s boss, Joohyun, is nice enough, but the workload he gets dumped with first day in is a little overwhelming. There’s already so many faces and names to learn, as well as things to get a handle on, he feels incompetent and out of his depth, but that’s kind of the standard for starting at a new place, honestly.

At 12pm he gets a text from Baekhyun saying, _good luck w ur first day!!! ᕙ( : ˘ ∧ ˘ : )ᕗ_ followed up by _sorry its late tho just woke up lol_ and Jongdae finds himself smiling at his desk, caught off-guard.

Kyungsoo, right around now, is filming, probably.

But he assimilates into the swing of things pretty quickly, helped by Baekhyun’s cute encouragement texts and the questions he asks when Kyungsoo is out late filming and Jongdae invites him around for dinner, half to feed him --because if there’s anything Jongdae knows about college students, it’s that somebody has to do it or they won’t do it themselves-- half just for the company. Baekhyun is funny, kind, easy to get along with, loyal and attentive; Jongdae likes him a lot, and often finds himself looking forward to seeing him again. Baekhyun keeps pretty irregular hours between class and work --a boring retail job at _Uniqlo_ , or so he claims-- so Jongdae never gets a scheduled Baekhyun timeslot. In a way, amongst the clockwork routine of eat, work, eat, work, eat, sleep, rinse and repeat, it’s kind of a nice break from things.

He’s midway through texting Baekhyun what sort of takeout he wants, since Kyungsoo is out of state filming for a few days, when Minseok, one of the illustrators on their floor, sidles up to Jongdae’s desk and says, “Drinks tonight. You coming? It’s a regular occurrence.”

Jongdae knows, he’d watched them all file out last Thursday without an invitation, although he’d understood their reservations --he was new, an unknown variable.

“Am I finally cool enough to sit at the big kids table?” Jongdae teases, arching an eyebrow. Minseok just laughs, placing a comfortable hand on Jongdae’s shoulder.

“Only if you bribe your way in by buying a round,” he jokes, and Jongdae mockingly sighs as if he has no choice. Minseok laughs all over again. (Jongdae has to cancel on Baekhyun abruptly, and feels bad about it, even if Baekhyun is absolutely fine with it. Jongdae just likes spending time with Baekhyun that much.)

Jongdae quite likes his coworkers; Joohyun is intimidating, but funny, Minseok is friendly and easy to get along with, Soojung has a cool exterior but is surprisingly sweet; Jongdae doesn’t feel the same snake-going-to-stab-you-in-the-back vibes he’d gotten at the advertising firm he’d last worked for, where everyone was money-hungry and eager to climb to the top, in fact it’s a lot more comfortable and chill, shown by the fact that they’re out for drinks right now.

A lot of the time is spent interrogating Jongdae about his last job, his marriage --Minseok actually looks surprised when Jongdae (vaguely) mentions his husband, even though Jongdae so clearly wears the ring.

Joohyun points out as much. “I thought it was like. A statement?” Minseok offers. The table laughs.

All-in-all, Jongdae probably ends up having too much fun with his coworkers, and he’s endlessly thankful for his ability to hold his liquor as he stumbles home after calling an uber, staring intensely at the elevator panel to remember which button to press. He gets it eventually, laughing at himself in the empty space, and leans back against the far railing to roll his head back and sigh. Jongdae feels good, riding off a social like high, but his ears are ringing without the noise of the bar and the empty space around him feels poignant.

The doors ding open, and Jongdae is surprised to hear laughter coming from down the hall, curiously stepping out only to see Baekhyun standing outside his apartment with his foot jammed in the entryway, talking politely to a very, very pretty girl. Her skirt shows off her long legs but she’s wearing a hoodie that’s clearly Baekhyun’s, Jongdae trying very, very hard not to purposefully eavesdrop as he focuses on his own lock and doesn’t bother Baekhyun and his… guest.

“Tonight was fun,” the girl says, leaning in to kiss Baekhyun’s cheek, which Jongdae only catches from the corner of his eye as he puts the key in the wrong way around and is forced to take it out and flip it, internally cursing. “Let’s do it again some time.”

“We have to, I want my hoodie back,” Baekhyun flirts in return, and the girl just laughs as she tucks her hair behind her ear and heads down the hall, past Jongdae, to the elevator.

Drunken Jongdae finally manages to get his door open, and in a moment of impulse looks towards Baekhyun, who’s stepping back into his apartment.

Baekhyun easily meets Jongdae’s eyes, and winks as he slips away.

Jongdae doesn’t know what to make of that at all.

  
  


 

 

Jongdae isn’t sure why the idea of Baekhyun having sex bothers him so much.

Like it… seriously bothers him. Baekhyun invites himself over unannounced on Saturday morning and Jongdae can’t even look at him without thinking about it. Baekhyun is a college student, of course he has sex, probably with a lot of people and probably a lot of the time, considering… who he is as a person, but Jongdae is so fundamentally _bothered_ by it he doesn’t even know why.

“Let’s go out for coffee this morning,” Baekhyun suggests as he flops himself onto Jongdae’s couch, feet hanging off the edge. “I feel like a real breakfast.”

Jongdae just snorts, so used to Baekhyun’s nonchalant whims already. It’s a strange feeling, but Jongdae doesn’t mind it.

“Let me at least shower before you barge into my home with all these demands.” Jongdae shuffles some of the papers on the coffee table so that it looks a little bit neater. Even if it’s just Baekhyun, the need to look adult and presentable to guests is ever-constant.

“Why do you think I’m sitting here?” Baekhyun's eyebrows raise expectantly. Jongdae still wants to ask him about the girl from Thursday, but he doesn’t, just shakes his head as Baekhyun shoos him and pulls out his phone to play _Love Live_.

Jongdae showers quickly, towels off his hair, and gets dressed into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He reaches for his nice Burberry coat instinctively, the one Kyungsoo had gotten him last Spring, but checks the weather on his phone instead. It’s a warm day today in L.A, according to the app, even for Spring; so he can probably forgo the coat.

“Finally,” Baekhyun remarks as Jongdae steps back out, as if it’s been fifteen years instead of minutes. “I ran out of LP.”

Jongdae hums. “I can almost hear the weeping violins,” he says solemnly. Baekhyun shoves him.

As soon as they’re out of the building, heading down to that trendy hipster cafe down the street, Baekhyun stretches out underneath the sun and groans a little, cracking his neck.

“You act like you’ve never seen the sun before,” Jongdae jokes.

“Only through the gaps in the blinds…” Baekhyun replies grimly, making Jongdae laugh. He does that a lot, though, so it’s not much of an accomplishment. “It’s midterms so my life consists of my bedroom desk and the campus library basement. Not even the upper floors because all the tables are always taken, just the basement.” He shudders. “Do you know how hard it is to write three thousand words about baroque flutes? I don’t even have _three_ words to say about them.”

Jongdae cackles. “I thought a music degree wouldn’t include essays.”

Baekhyun just grunts. “So did I, that’s why I took it…” he trails off, huffing his bangs out of his face dejectedly. “The practical stuff is really fun, but I’m so tired of ruining the beauty of Broadway by analysing a musical’s social commentary.”

Jongdae frowns at that, thinking. “Should I be letting you escape study? Or am I a bad influence?” It’s hard to tell, really. Some people are chronic procrastinators, and the idea that Baekhyun only bothers Jongdae to save himself is… not exactly pleasant. Then again, Baekhyun is an adult who can decide his own life choices, and could actually be the sort of person who knows when he needs a break, and just chooses to spend that free time with Jongdae.

That’s a lot more flattering.

“Are you kidding me?” Baekhyun snorts, wrapping his arms around Jongdae’s. “Without you I’d die of malnutrition and vitamin D deficiency. You’re a distraction, but the good kind.” He pauses, swallowing slightly. “The best kind, really.”

Jongdae is just his fogey next door neighbour who always orders too much food and doesn’t know how to handle loneliness. “Oh,” Jongdae says lamely, smiling lopsidedly. “Then I’m happy to help.”

Baekhyun is looking at Jongdae strangely, but when Jongdae turns to meet his gaze, he quickly glances away.

“Besides, I’ve been destressing well enough,” Baekhyun says casually, and Jongdae is suddenly reminded of the girl from Thursday, wincing. “Then again, League of Legends is probably not something I’d describe as ‘relaxing’.”

Oh, it wasn’t an innuendo. Jongdae laughs shakily to cover up his train of thought, and desperately tries to dissect the mess in his head as they reach the cafe and Baekhyun leads them to a table in the corner on the patio outside, perusing through the menu greedily.

Is Jongdae… jealous? It’s certainly the first explanation that comes to mind, but it makes no sense. He likes Baekhyun, yeah, can definitely be honest with himself and know that neglect from Kyungsoo is manifesting elsewhere and maybe making Jongdae a little clingy to whoever shows him any attention, but to _want_ somebody else to the point of jealousy… No, Jongdae reasons, it would take a level of possessiveness and lust he certainly doesn’t feel towards Baekhyun, and Jongdae isn’t that type of person. Baekhyun is attractive, yes, and Jongdae probably has something of a fleeting crush on him, maybe, just because he’s cute and attentive and it’s flattering, but it’s not like… real feelings, not something to be concerned about, not something he’d ever, _ever_ act on.

If the fleeting flattery of Baekhyun’s attentions were truly a concern, Jongdae would tell Kyungsoo. That much will never change, no matter what.

So then… why is Jongdae so weird about it?

The realisation comes to him when Baekhyun orders his french toast and licks maple syrup off his fingers, Jongdae pointedly burying himself into his smashed avocado. He’s not jealous of Baekhyun having sex with someone, he’s jealous of _Baekhyun having sex_.

It’s the worst thing to realise as he just stares at Baekhyun, sucking at his own fingertips, unpurposefully sexual. Jongdae is weird about Baekhyun having sex because he’s insecure about his own sex life.

And that’s just fucking great.

“What?” Baekhyun asks, catching him staring, and Jongdae flushes before focusing on his toast.

“Nothing,” he quickly responds, unconvincing, given by Baekhyun’s narrowed stare, but he lets it drop, lips quirked up ever-so-slightly behind his fork that Jongdae thinks he’s imagining things.

So, what? Jongdae is just meant to cringe at every mention and thought of sex in the world because his own husband apparently doesn’t find him attractive anymore? Ugh, Jongdae doesn’t want to turn into some prude just to hide his insecurities, but he feels on edge, like Baekhyun might suddenly launch into some big talk about how much sex he’s had and then ask Jongdae the same.

Which is ridiculous and unlikely, but here Jongdae is, curling into himself slightly as he considers it. It’s a weird thing to be so… fragile about, but he can’t help it. Toxic masculinity insists that Jongdae be getting laid on the regular to have any worth, but more than that, being married at age twenty-nine and not being good for your spouse just kind of fucking sucks. Baekhyun is young and confident and beautiful, out there in the world getting whatever he wants, and Jongdae can’t even get Kyungsoo to look at him the right way.

He feels… insignificant.

“Are you okay?” Baekhyun asks, pulling Jongdae from his thoughts, where he’s frowning down at his toast in horror like it’s just murdered his family. “You look… on edge.”

“Huh?” Jongdae asks lamely, from where he’s tense and on the rim of his seat, swallowing nervously and laughing shakily, Baekhyun just giving him a pointed look in return. “What’re you talking about?”

“You should probably get Kyungsoo to help with that,” Baekhyun jokes, and Jongdae full-body flinches, because in his own paranoia of Baekhyun breaching the topic he doesn’t want to talk about, he somehow made Baekhyun make a joke about the one topic he _doesn’t want to talk about._

“Okay,” Baekhyun starts again, putting down his cutlery with a decided thunk against the tabletop. “Why do you always do that?”

“Do what?” Jongdae asks dumbly, swallowing.

“Like, freak out anytime I mention Kyungsoo…” Baekhyun purses his lips. “Are you guys having a fight or something?”

“No,” Jongdae quickly ensures, although maybe in a way, they are. He doesn’t know anymore, the last time he saw Kyungsoo was on Tuesday night, just before they’d switched filming locations. They’d eaten dinner together, talked about work, Jongdae talked about Baekhyun, cuddled, slept, Kyungsoo was gone in the morning --there weren’t any arguments or even passive aggressive comments involved, it was just… normal. But, then again… it had felt cold, distant, like there’s a space between them that only increases everyday, but they keep up a semblance of domesticity to pretend it’s not there, gaping. Jongdae shirks into his shoulders a little. “... Kinda.”

“Oh,” Baekhyun says, deflating. “Do you... Do you want to talk about it?”

It’s probably weird to take marriage advice from a twenty-three year old college student, Jongdae tells himself, even as Baekhyun gives him this weird, desperate look like he just… like he just wants to be there for Jongdae, wants to be helpful. It wells up a strange mix of feelings in Jongdae’s throat, fear of voicing the truth, as well as affection, for how loyal Baekhyun is, how dedicated to being a good friend…

Jongdae can trust him, he decides, Baekhyun won’t judge, or laugh, or criticize. Baekhyun won’t say, _but Kyungsoo is right, you_ are _undesirable._ Jongdae can trust him, he’s sure of it.

“It’s…” Jongdae trails off. “Complicated.” He decides on, avoiding eye-contact.

“O… kay…” Baekhyun says slowly, waiting, shoulders dropping slightly as he relaxes under Jongdae’s conceded defeat.

“It’s not… really a fight… just…” Jongdae rubs the back of his neck, sighing, deciding it’s now or never. “I’m not really weird about you mentioning Kyungsoo, I’m just weird about you mentioning… sex… because… it’s… been… a while… and I’m…. sensitive…..”

Baekhyun stares at Jongdae.

“H-How--” he starts, clearing his throat. “--How long is ‘a while’?”

“Uh,” Jongdae stalls, sinking in his seat. “I’d have to think about it…”

Baekhyun holds up his hands abruptly. “Don’t bother,” he says. “The fact that you have to think about it tells me enough.” Jongdae sinks even further down, filled with guilt and shame and… why? Why is that? It’s not like it’s his fault he’s completely undesirable… right? “So you and Kyungsoo haven’t had sex in… a while, shall we stick to that, and you’re. Unhappy about it?”

Jongdae raises his eyebrows. “Who _wouldn’t_ be unhappy about it?”

Baekhyun shrugs defensively. “I’m just saying!” He amends quickly, squeaking slightly. “You can be in a relationship and not have sex and be okay with that, plenty of couples do.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not…” Jongdae grumbles, picking at his food. Talking about it simultaneously makes him want to curl up and die and also feels like a weight being lifted off his chest. Being human sucks sometimes, Jongdae wishes his emotions could make sense. Some couples don’t need to have sex, Jongdae gets it, but suddenly cutting it out cold turkey just feels. Off.

Baekhyun worries his bottom lip between his teeth. “Have you talked to Kyungsoo about it? Kinda seems like this isn’t just about sex.”

Jongdae sighs. “I’ve tried to, yeah, but Kyungsoo is…” difficult, when it comes to things like feelings and expressing himself. He’s always been a little withdrawn, private, but polite, to maintain a neat distance, but Jongdae could always pride himself on seeing through that, pulling Kyungsoo out. Nowadays it feels like they’re always acting out the same script, and Jongdae has forgotten what the real actor is like, beneath Kyungsoo’s character. “... Uncommunicative.”

Baekhyun huffs shortly. “I can see that,” he says, still chewing on his lip as he considers his next words carefully. “But have you tried talking to… somebody else about it, then?” At Jongdae’s confused look, he says, “Like… you know, a counselor, or something.”

Jongdae pales at the thought. “I don’t think I need to see a marriage counselor at twenty-nine.”

“I’m just saying,” Baekhyun holds his hands up in surrender. “I mean, if it’s really becoming a problem and Kyungsoo won’t talk it out, maybe you need somebody to act as the catalyst to force him to.”

Jongdae makes a noncommittal noise, staring at his plate, but Baekhyun’s words hold merit, even if Jongdae refuses to admit it. It’s… seriously been months, and it’s beginning to put a strain in their relationship. It’s not about the sex, really, it’s about what surrounds it, the intimacy, the love, the experience, the shared time… and none of that is happening. It makes Jongdae feel rejected, and bitter, and his mind is antagonising Kyungsoo in his head to cope with that. It’s not great.

“Maybe…” Jongdae relents, wondering how he’s ever going to rope Kyungsoo into it, if he does decide it’s the right choice.

Baekhyun is looking at Jongdae strangely when he finally glances up, and he swallows before saying, “You know it’s not your fault, right? Whatever Kyungsoo’s reasons are… well, I’ve only met him once and never seen somebody more in love. He still cares about you, it can’t be your fault.”

His words are reassuring, soothing over rough edges Jongdae hadn’t even realised were there. Damn, Baekhyun is observant.

Jongdae softens. “Thanks, Hyun,” he says, sitting up a little bit straighter. His shoulders relax with the knowledge that Baekhyun is probably right; Jongdae and Kyungsoo still love each other, they’ll work this out, it’s just one bump of many to come in the road that is life --as cheesy as that sounds. Jongdae laughs nervously. “Sorry for complaining about boring old fogey things.”

Baekhyun snorts. “What else are friends for?”

Jongdae kicks him underneath the table.

  


 

 

Jongdae understands that at twenty-nine, he’s meant to feel old but not really at the same time. He’s meant to handle the almost-thirty jokes, and the jabs, and sit down at night and freak out about the fact that he has a husband and debt and a job and taxes and other vaguely adult things, he’s supposed to freak out about the fact that the prime of his youth is gone, and now he’ll start balding, get fat, go downhill.

But he doesn’t worry about those sorts of things, they hardly cross his mind. Jongdae still feels young, to an extent, still feels alert and strong and well, feels like the world has more to give him… Jongdae doesn’t feel like an old married man whose life can only decay and deteriorate, and yet sometimes it feels like instead of giving him more, the world just shoves him into that place, content on giving him nothing but objects that disintegrate in his palms.

So Jongdae is still young, and he still has a sex drive; sue him. It’s not his fault Kyungsoo went from twenty-eight to eighty-five instead of twenty-nine --no matter how much his self-doubt makes it so. Jongdae still wants to go out and have fun and have stupid sex and get drunk and see all that the world has to offer, just to take his pick. He refuses to lie down and await death, just like that.

Which is, okay, a bit dramatic, but Jongdae gets his melodramatic tendencies from his actor of a husband; Jongdae doesn’t feel old, and he isn’t ready to _be_ old, and talking to Baekhyun, seeing how well they get along, how easy it is… it’s a good reminder that he isn’t.

Then again, Baekhyun is a few years ahead of his time, that much is obvious in his sensibilities and maturities and the way he just… looks, acts, like there’s a weight on his shoulders and a mask on his face. Baekhyun is so completely equal to Jongdae, it’s hard to remember that he’s younger at all.

Baekhyun has barged into Jongdae’s life the same way he barges into his apartment on Thursday evenings, pushing into his space and assimilating so easily Jongdae forgets to blink, be winded, wonder why it’s happening and how it has --when Kyungsoo doesn’t come home one night because of work Jongdae invites Baekhyun over, when Baekhyun is bored in the mornings avoiding studying he forces Jongdae to invite him over, when they simply want to see each other, Baekhyun comes over. He’s an integral part of Jongdae’s day-to-day life without him really ever noticing how it happened, finding himself seeking Baekhyun’s company and jokes and advice and laughter even when it hasn’t been long since they’d last seen each other.

Jongdae is simply pulled towards Baekhyun, probably the same way Baekhyun is pulled towards him.

It is not, in hindsight, necessarily a good thing.

Jongdae’s eyes flick to Baekhyun sitting opposite him on the couch, his feet in Jongdae’s lap, head on the armrest as he holds his reader for _Music in History 3_ over his head, trying to get the assigned pages done before class tomorrow. Baekhyun is a surprisingly diligent student, considering how lazy he is everywhere else, and it’s incredibly admirable. Jongdae himself is reading his Instagram feed since he hasn’t cracked open a book since he was twelve, probably, and even in university he’d struggled to do assigned readings. It’s just one of those qualities about Baekhyun Jongdae mostly hates, because it doesn’t help his current situation.

Current situation being: his big fat crush on the closest thing he has to a best friend (other than Kyungsoo, who he… technically also has a crush on. Maybe there’s a pattern here.)

It’s not like he wants to do anything with Baekhyun, because that would be cheating, and Jongdae would never even entertain the thought of something so wrong, but it’s just… something fun? Something light and cute that ignites butterflies in his chest in ways that Kyungsoo has failed to do these days, and Jongdae hates it because it only seems to get worse each passing day, rather than better. It’s getting to the stage where he’s going to have to be honest with Kyungsoo about his feelings to prevent any miscommunication happening, and the thought of that just makes Jongdae wince. It had taken him years to understand that being in a relationship doesn’t mean that your ability to want other people just magically disappears, rather you simply choose not to act on it --Kyungsoo, on the other hand, still tends to struggle with that fact, and gets insecure and defensive about it at the best of times.

“I swear,” Baekhyun starts, exasperated, snapping Jongdae from his internal battle. He pouts after he sighs, letting the open book fall onto his face, causing Jongdae to smile. Baekhyun is seriously so cute sometimes, Jongdae hates how endearing it is. “If I have to read about baroque flutes one more fucking time--”

Jongdae cackles, and Baekhyun simply watches him with a pleased smile as he tips the open book off his face, chucking it onto the coffee table lazily as he sighs pleasantly and melts further into the cushions, feet poking into Jongdae’s stomach in the process.

“Can we do something fun now?” Baekhyun asks, reaching for his phone and skipping over the current song playing through Jongdae’s bluetooth speakers. The band is a group Jongdae has never even heard of, although Baekhyun had played their new album with insistence that Jongdae would like it. He’d been right.

“Oh?” Jongdae replies dryly. “And what’s considered fun? Reading about flutes not tickling your fancy?”

“No they’re not exactly my favourite thing to blow,” Baekhyun deadpans, and Jongdae chokes on nothing, giving him an incredulous look. “Oh sorry, too soon?”

Jongdae sighs, and Baekhyun just laughs. What had first been delicate hesitancy has somehow twisted into blatant teasing about Jongdae’s lacking sex life, and he’s not sure how Baekhyun had done it, but he doesn’t mind, either. Teasing Jongdae for it through simple jokes here and there, never malicious, just makes it more comfortable, easier, and Jongdae feels less and less terrible about the fact every day. Baekhyun is scary good at controlling moods like that, and it’s part of the reason as to why Jongdae is so infatuated with him --that, and the fact that his own husband neglects him so much his emotions are latching out onto whatever else they can find; Jongdae’s an idiot, but he’s not _that_ lacking in self-awareness.

“You’re a dick,” Jongdae pinches Baekhyun’s foot, who yelps and kicks him back in retaliation.

“Now see _that’s_ something I’d enjoy blowing--”

Jongdae rolls his eyes, but his retort is cut off by the sound of a key in the door, familiar footsteps padding down the hall with socked feet as Kyungsoo stands at the entryway to the living room, staring.

Jongdae doesn’t know why he feels guilty, but he does, Baekhyun’s feet on his lap and both of them still laughing. As soon as Kyungsoo enters they sort of, stop, and Baekhyun quickly retreats into himself, sitting up straighter, an absence of warmth against Jongdae’s skin as Baekhyun tentatively smiles at Kyungsoo.

“Hello again,” he says, with a half-hearted wave.

“Hello…” Kyungsoo replies slowly, still sort of just. Staring at both of them.

Jongdae clears his throat. “You’re home early?”

At that Kyungsoo’s eyebrows knit together, frowning. “I told you I had a clear schedule for the rest of the day.”

Did he? Jongdae doesn’t remember, he must’ve mentioned it sometime on Thursday, Jongdae vaguely recalls the mention. It’s unlike him to not have Kyungsoo’s schedule memorised though, and Jongdae is aware of the implications of that. Gathering by the way Kyungsoo is staring flatly at Jongdae, so is he.

Then again, Kyungsoo’s schedule is so hectic, can Jongdae really be faulted for slipping up, once or twice?

“I forgot,” he says with a sheepish smile, rubbing the back of his neck.

Baekhyun’s mouth is a neat, surprised ‘o’. “I can go?” He quickly suggests, grabbing his reader off the table. “Leave you guys to it--”

Jongdae opens his mouth, but Kyungsoo cuts him off with, “No, stay, I don’t want to interrupt,” his voice is sincere, but the smile across his face is… disconcerting. Baekhyun gulps. “I’m probably just going to nap, anyway. I think it’s been three years since I last slept.” His joke is hesitant, but the heavy bags under Kyungsoo’s eyes make it seem a lot less funny. Jongdae glances at him worriedly, and they make eye-contact, but Kyungsoo is completely unreadable.

The bedroom door clicks shut behind him, and Baekhyun looks towards Jongdae worriedly, who shifts.

“Sorry, but…”

“No no no,” Baekhyun insists, quickly standing. “I’ll go, I get it, he… he looks like he needs you right now.” Baekhyun stares at the ground, pausing, then shifts awkwardly, pointing at the door. “I’m just gonna--”

“Yeah,” Jongdae agrees, rubbing the back of his neck. “Thanks, Hyunnie. I’ll make it up to you some other time.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Baekhyun replies sincerely, with a lopsided smile, and then he’s quickly showing himself out as Jongdae sighs and braces himself, heading towards the master bedroom. Kyungsoo’s sitting on the edge of his bed, frowning at his phone. He glances up as Jongdae shuts the door behind him.

“Where’s Baekhyun?” Kyungsoo asks --although it’s not accusatory, simple curiosity, Jongdae somehow feels like it is.

“He left,” Jongdae states plainly, taking the spot next to Kyungsoo, scrutinising him, even as he pointedly continues to stare at his phone, texting his manager about his schedule tomorrow.

“Oh, sorry,” he apologises, noncommittal, insincere. Jongdae squints. “I didn’t mean to take away your precious time with him.”

Now _that_ was accusatory. “Kyungsoo, c’mon,” Jongdae tries placatingly, although irked, too, trying not to rise to his bait. Kyungsoo is petty and combative in his worser moods, fighting fire with fire never ends well. “I just forgot, okay? We can do whatever you want now, Baekhyun is gone--”

“But he’ll come back,” Kyungsoo argues, staring Jongdae down. “And you’ll keep forgetting about me, won’t you?”

Jongdae clenches his jaw. “What is your problem?” He accuses, trying to keep his voice down but fuck, it’s so hard. The scariest part about loving someone is teaching them exactly how to hurt you, and Kyungsoo is oh so good at doing that, when he wants to.

“Oh please,” Kyungsoo says scathingly, rolling his eyes. “The guy follows you around like a puppy with hearts in his eyes, and you’re addicted to it. Sorry I don’t quite live up to blowing your ego the same way.”

Jongdae laughs bitterly, high-pitched and disbelieving. “And what? You think he’s a substitute for you? You think I’d cheat on you? With my _friend_?” Kyungsoo winces at that, and it’s sickly satisfying; Jongdae hates the taste of it in his mouth, and relishes in it all the same. Kyungsoo isn’t the only one who knows how to strike; Jongdae knows exactly how to hit back.

“No,” Kyungsoo answers immediately, shifting uncomfortably as his shoulders raise defensively, like the little turtle withdrawing into its shell Kyungsoo has always been. “Of course I know you won’t, logically, but that doesn’t mean I can’t stop myself from thinking about it… I’m only human.”

And Jongdae knows it, looking at Kyungsoo, curled up into himself, vulnerable. He’s not the untouchable male lead of _Seven-Seven_ , nor the untouchable celebrity with the world in his fingertips, the modern man’s god; he’s just human, pathetic, jealous, petty.

And Jongdae is too.

Years of discontent blooms in his chest like venus fly traps, waiting for prey to land in their jaws so they can snap shut, devour.

“Well gee, Kyungsoo,” Jongdae remarks sardonically. “I let you have your entire fucking life without me and no complaints about petty jealousy because I’m only human, but as soon as I have a friend we _don’t_ share it just eats you up inside that you’re not the only one keeping secrets doesn’t it?”

“What are you talking about?” Kyungsoo snaps, standing up as he glares at Jongdae. “You think I want to hide you away? You think I asked for this?” Days, weeks, months, years of anger and shame boil up in Jongdae, a clashing of dissonant notes and disgust, hatred at himself, at Kyungsoo, at the world, it’s a bubble that’s been waiting to burst, blown up until this moment to unleash the most significant bang. “It was a sacrifice we both agreed to make, Jongdae,” Kyungsoo reminds him, although the words don’t reach Jongdae, lost in a fog of anger, unable to see or hear clearly through the smog of the fire. “For my safety _and_ yours.” Kyungsoo is a solid wall of ice, cold and unforgiving, but he’s also frozen poison. “Don’t act like I’m the one in this relationship that’s secretive.”

Jongdae’s attention sharpens at that, a point of focus in the fog. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Kyungsoo melts, but only just, ice transparent enough to show the hurt and sadness all anger is used to mask.

“When was the last time you just… talked to me, Jongdae?” Kyungsoo tries, arms held over his chest. “You’re blaming me for something that’s been bothering you for --what, years? But only bringing it up now?”

Jongdae grits his teeth. “You never asked--”

“I shouldn’t have to!” Kyungsoo reasons. “I love you, Jongdae, you should feel comfortable enough to tell me when something’s bothering you. I’m not psychic.”

“How can I?” Jongdae counters, and his voice wobbles, thick and heavy in his throat. Kyungsoo’s ice has melted, leaving water to wash away the flames, and now all that’s left is Jongdae standing in diminishing smoke, wondering just how everything around him got so burnt. “How can I make it about me when everything is always about you?” It’s never been about Baekhyun, or sex, or anything --they’re all just catalysts, side-affects, fuel for the flames and water for the ice. It’s always just been about them; Jongdae and Kyungsoo. “ _Your_ family issues, _your_ job, _your_ apartment, _your_ money--” Jongdae cuts off, choked, voice dropping quietly. “I’m just something you keep around because you don’t know how to get rid of me.”

Jongdae inhales shakily, pulling his knees to his chest, and feels so weak and vulnerable before Kyungsoo in front of him. The scab had been torn off before he could even realise it, and now Jongdae is just bleeding, unable to stop the flowing wound, gaping and bruised. How could he feel anything but insignificant compared to Kyungsoo --Kyungsoo, who keeps himself _and_ Jongdae together and has an amazing job, thousands of fans pouring over him, net worth, _significance._ And what’s Jongdae? Just the boring husband he hides away from the world at home, who’s never done anything in his life to make him worthy.

“Is this how you feel?” Kyungsoo asks quietly, and when Jongdae looks up, Kyungsoo is crying, eyes clouded as tears slip down round cheeks --not that Jongdae can judge, his own knees covered by wet stains.

“How could I not?” Jongdae replies, and his voice cracks, imbalanced, gasping for air through the lump lodged in his chest. “You have an entire successful life without me and we moved to a new city with a new start but you still have your job and your friends but--” he sobs, once. “--but I’m just so fucking alone and it’s like the one person who’s meant to see me won’t even look.”

Jongdae can’t hold the tears back anymore, and soon enough he’s sobbing, unable to see through the tears clouding his vision as Kyungsoo crashes against him like two ships at night, years spent passing each other only finally meeting in a collision, leaving the captains to drown in the wreckage.

Jongdae merely sobs uselessly as he clutches at Kyungsoo’s shoulders, who’s squishing him against his chest, his own tears falling into Jongdae’s hair. When did this happen to them, and how? Was it the day Kyungsoo got the role for Seven-Seven? The day Jongdae proposed? The time they met in a club in university, when Jongdae asked for a pen? It’s impossible to know… have they only been living their life, waiting for the crash?

No, Jongdae thinks, as he clutches at Kyungsoo tighter, this is just one bump of many to come, one bump they _will_ get over. There’s nobody here to blame, nobody at fault, there’s just… them, Jongdae and Kyungsoo and all their faults and flaws and issues, bursting out all at once. But there’s one thing Jongdae is sure of as he cries in Kyungsoo’s arms: they’re inseparable. He loves Kyungsoo, and Kyungsoo loves him right back --that’s never going to change. Even if self-loathing and doubt sneaks its way into Jongdae and bleeds into their relationship, they’ll overcome it. They always have, they always will.

“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo repeats, over and over and over as his fingers card through Jongdae’s hair, as his arms wrap around him tighter. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Me too,” is all Jongdae can seem to say, clinging tighter, refusing to let this stupid man he’s so hopelessly in love with go. “Me too.”

Later --as they’re lying facing each other on top of the bed, tear stains on their cheeks, eyes puffy, skin red-- Kyungsoo cups Jongdae’s face and kisses his eyelids, his nose, his cheekbones, his lips, softly and simply until Jongdae’s breathing is steady, his heartbeat slow.

“What happened to us?” Kyungsoo asks quietly,  barely above a whisper, a little incredulous laugh following such an impossible-to-answer question. “I never-- I never meant to put all these walls up. I never meant to hurt you.”

Jongdae just curls his fingers around Kyungsoo’s wrist, tugs his knuckles to his lips to kiss them, gentle and reassuring. “I know,” he says; because he does. He always has. Even when shadows curse him with sickness and try to tell him otherwise, none of this has ever been purposeful. Kyungsoo compartmentalised his life for safety and Jongdae got swept up in it, tucked away into a little box without meaning to and felt caged in it, neglected, ignored. Negativity seeped into their bloodstream and bled into their daily life, made the distance between them stretch and stretch until it was destined to snap. There’s still a void there, gaping and all-consuming, but at least they’re both aware of it now. At least they’re both willing to fill it.

“I didn’t either,” Jongdae says, pushes his fingers through the gaps between Kyungsoo’s as they lie so closely their breath fans across the other’s face, staring into each other’s eyes and seeing nothing but raw honesty. “But we’ll fix this, okay? We’ll make it work again.”

Kyungsoo’s voice is quiet, scared, almost, and he sounds less like the twenty-nine year old man Jongdae loves but doesn’t know how to, and more like the nineteen year old he’d fallen for in the first place. “How?”

Jongdae doesn’t have an answer.


	3. Chapter 3

Jongdae wakes up in the morning feeling sticky and drawn out, skin dry and eyes sore. Kyungsoo is still beside him, curled in Jongdae’s arms, and he stirs as Jongdae does, blinking sleepily and then squinting into the inevitable blur as he reaches for his glasses on the bedside table.

“Good morning,” Kyungsoo greets softly as he cups Jongdae’s face and sweeps his thumb across his cheek.

“Hi,” Jongdae returns, smiling as he stretches lazily, pressing a quick kiss to Kyungsoo’s palm as he rolls and slips out of his touch to crack his joints. They’d fallen asleep after ordering food out of Kyungsoo’s diet and cuddling on the couch to watch movies in silence, all cried out and too emotionally exhausted to talk more.

Now, Jongdae feels relaxed, like a spring that had been coiled tightly inside him has loosened, and the space between his body and Kyungsoo’s no longer feels so large and cold.

But it’s not some magic fix, more so the first shard of a broken vase glued to another. There are still so many pieces to find, and Jongdae suspects it will never retain its first shape.

That’s okay though, he thinks, leaning down to kiss Kyungsoo swiftly against the pillows, who laughs at Jongdae’s lazy movements, all relationships change over time --it doesn’t make any form of it superior to another.

Jongdae makes coffee with their fancy, overpriced machine while Kyungsoo handles breakfast, pancakes with maple syrup and shredded coconut which Jongdae feels like he hasn’t eaten in years, moaning at the taste. They sit at the table and Kyungsoo teases Jongdae for being a messy eater, who sets up a game of footsie underneath, and as Jongdae gets dressed Kyungsoo curls his fingers into his collar to pull him in for an unforgiving kiss.

“I love you,” he says, as if he thinks Jongdae needs a reminder.

Jongdae grins like an idiot, the same dopey, wide-mouthed smile he’d given when Kyungsoo had first tentatively said it, back in their junior year of college, unsure of the words like he didn’t know how to handle the weight of them. This Kyungsoo is far more confident, and Jongdae is okay with that.

“I love you too.”

Jongdae does a little work ahead of time in preparation for Monday while Kyungsoo locks himself in the bedroom to have a long-winded phone call with his agent about some new script his agency is trying to rope Kyungsoo into.

“I told you,” he can hear Kyungsoo’s voice, muffled through the wall. “I don’t want any projects for a little while. Just let me have a break.”

They continue arguing for what seems like forever, until Kyungsoo comes out of the room with a sigh, jamming his phone into his back pocket and scrubbing a hand through his hair.

“I have to go in for a read-through…” he admits, almost shameful. “I’m sorry, I--”

“We can talk after,” Jongdae reassures, and Kyungsoo relaxes minutely at that, shoulders softening as they drop. Jongdae stands and kisses him once, chaste. They have a lot to work out, and it’s not something that can be solved in a single, emotionally-exhausted morning. “We have plenty of time, okay? Don’t worry about it.”

Kyungsoo nods steadily, and kisses Jongdae again, wraps a hand around the back of his neck to keep him in place like he never wants to stop. Jongdae’s eyes slip shut on instinct; this is familiar, this is good.

“Okay I actually have to go,” Kyungsoo mumbles against Jongdae’s lips, but Jongdae just pulls him right back in.

  


 

Once Kyungsoo is gone, Jongdae continues emailing his team about their new client, there had been an error of miscommunication and now they’re not quite following the brief. After that, he does the dishes, cleans up a little, calls Jongdeok, all the way on the other side of the country.

“You sound tired,” is the first thing he says, like the good older brother he is.

Jongdae sighs, “Kyungsoo and I had a fight last night,” he admits, and Jongdeok hums worriedly. “But it’s-- it’s good. Guess I’m still wrung out, though.”

“I didn’t even know you guys were capable of anything less than perfection,” Jongdeok jokes, and Jongdae isn’t really sure why that bothers him so much.

“We’re a normal fucking couple, you know?” Just because they aren’t heterosexuals complaining about getting married like it’s jail time or have a relationship built on jealousy or mistrust doesn’t mean they’re not capable of making mistakes. Jongdae is so, so tired of reaching for perfection when it doesn’t even exist.

“I know,” Jongdeok says immediately, apologetic and sheepish. “Sorry.”

Jongdae relents and lets Jongdeok complain about work and his daughter’s new tap dancing classes, continuing on with normal sibling chit-chat which is always so strange to process, because you live with your sibling your whole life then suddenly one moves out and they’re gone, and the relationship changes. Once the call is ended Jongdae sees a text notification on his phone and blinks at it. Stares.

_are u ok after ystdy? ;~;_

It’s Baekhyun, because of course it is. Kind, concerned Baekhyun, always keeping Jongdae on his mind. It makes a swirl of conflict erupt in Jongdae’s chest, and he swallows, thickly. It’s probably on the list of things he and Kyungsoo need to talk about, in hindsight.

_I’m okay. We fought but I think we needed to._

Jongdae hesitates.

_We’re working it out._

_Sorry you had to witness it._

_Kind of._

Baekhyun’s response comes a little bit later, but enthusiastic all the same.

_no its ok!!!! im glad it worked out ;-;_

_im here if u need to talk abt it_

But he isn’t, not really, because Baekhyun has a shift this morning, which means he’s sneaking his phone out on the floor when that manager he hates isn’t watching, just to text Jongdae, just to make sure he’s okay.

Fuck.

  
  


Dinner is surprisingly… quiet, that night. Not awkward, exactly, because Jongdae knows Kyungsoo too well to be uncomfortable in the silence,  but tense, maybe. There’s a pressure hanging over them, and neither of them are brave enough to burst it. It’s no longer the morning with a night of exhaustion behind them and a day of responsibilities ahead; they’ve had time to process it all, think, and they have the whole evening to work it out.

Jongdae taps his fork against the edge of his plate, while Kyungsoo chews quietly, watching him.

“So,” Jongdae prompts, unsure of what to say or where to begin.

“I rejected my next offer,” Kyungsoo blurts, causing Jongdae to blink at him. “I didn’t-- I want a break, for a little while. For us.”

“I…” Jongdae’s at a complete loss. Kyungsoo is always throwing in one-hundred percent or nothing, and work is no exception. Ever since his fame had risen with Seven-Seven, it’s been offer after offer, and similarly, acceptance after acceptance. “... I didn’t know you had another offer.” Is apparently what Jongdae decides on saying, because he’s an idiot.

Kyungsoo winces minutely, eyes fixed on his plate. “Yes, well, that’s… square one… isn’t it?”

Jongdae shrugs stiffly. “I guess,” okay, _now_ it’s awkward, two people who have been closed off for so long out of habit trying to open up again --it’s a lot harder without the overwhelming sensation of Jongdae’s raw emotions pushing him forward. “I’m… really happy Kyungsoo, I know how much work means to you.” Jongdae smiles at him across the table, Kyungsoo softening with relief. “Hopefully I can get some time off too--”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Kyungsoo insists. “You just started. I can handle you not being around nine to five, but… it’s different, in my case.”

Jongdae nods solemnly in agreement. It’s been years of experiencing weeks with Kyungsoo-shaped holes --when one acting project would end, he’d just move onto the next, pulling himself further inwards towards a world Jongdae cannot enter.

Kyungsoo fidgets, small smile hesitant. “I know it won’t fix everything but… hopefully it’s a start?”

He looks up, hopeful, and he’s expecting something from Jongdae.

“I’m sorry,” Jongdae sighs, scrubbing at his face. “I wish I knew how to cope with your fame better. I don’t want you to sacrifice something you love for me.”

“Don’t be.” Kyungsoo says simply. “This is something we have to adjust to together, sacrificing one love for another is fair enough.” He reaches across the table, taking Jongdae’s hand in his and running his thumb over the tops of his knuckles. Jongdae relaxes. “I just want you to be more honest with me about it when it’s getting to be too much. I’m not... you,” Kyungsoo bites his lip. It reminds Jongdae of Baekhyun, strangely enough. “I’m not good at being considerate or sensing the mood, I-- I’ll try harder to ask, but I want you to tell me, okay?”

“Yeah,” Jongdae agrees. “Sorry. I guess we’re both too good at shouldering all the blame, huh?”

It’s a side effect of being them, as individuals. They’re both far too accustomed to independence and self-reliance, albeit in different forms. Jongdae has been self-sacrificing since the day he was born, and Kyungsoo is far too used to fighting tooth and nail on his own to get what he wants; in a way, it’s a factor of their relationship that makes them work so well, but it’s not a factor of a relationship that’s sustainable. It’s hard to live a life so intertwined with somebody else, to remember that nothing truly just affects one of you, anymore.

“Is…” Kyungsoo starts, after too much silence. Jongdae squeezes his hand encouragingly. “Is… work the only reason you’ve felt…” he trails off. “... invisible? I want to be completely clear.”

“I guess, partly,” Jongdae answers, swallowing thickly. It’s so hard to look at Kyungsoo, but he forces himself to anyway. “You know, you’re the successful one, you pay most of the bills... don't even pretend like we wouldn't be living here if it wasn’t for you--” Kyungsoo’s mouth falls shut before he can reply. “--You’re always out, living a life I’m not a part of and I know that’s mostly something I need to learn to come to terms with, because not every aspect of the relationship is equal, but you won’t even have sex with me, and that’s like, my main job.” Jongdae laughs nervously to diffuse the tension, but Kyungsoo’s frown is deep set.

“I didn’t--” Kyungsoo tries, eyebrows furrowing as he tries to find the words to express what he wants to say. “That’s not-- that’s not… because of you, Jongdae, there just hasn’t… been a spark. I guess our sex life kind of fell out with us.” Kyungsoo scratches behind his ear absently with his free hand. “The last time we had sex was… stale.”

“Months ago,” Jongdae frowns.

Kyungsoo shrugs awkwardly. “I just feel like I haven’t had much of an interest in it these days…” Jongdae tries not to feel too dejected about it since he is very much still in love with his husband and still very much would like to have sex with him, but it must show on his face, because Kyungsoo looks like he’s just accidentally kicked a puppy. “We can have sex now if you want?” He quickly offers.

Jongdae snorts dryly. “Pity sex,” he says flatly. “My favourite kind.” He sighs, and Kyungsoo shirks into his shoulders apologetically. “I don’t exactly think I’m in the mood for it right now, either.”

“Sorry,” Kyungsoo apologises, genuine. “I guess it’s just something else that got broken along the way.”

Jongdae inhales shakily, nodding slowly as he swallows. How long has their relationship been fraying, and how could it have taken them so long to notice? Jongdae was stupid to once ever think that a new start could be found in a new home, a clean slate, when their relationship is an ever-growing plant, in constant need of watering and pruning and care; they couldn’t just plant a new seed altogether. It seems daunting, all these weeds and wilted leaves and tangled roots, trying to make sense of the plant that once-was, but that’s the beauty of living things --they don’t die so easily.

“Besides,” Kyungsoo starts tentatively, as Jongdae tries to make sense of the litany of emotions in his chest. “Are you sure it’s me you want to have sex with?”

Jongdae’s attention snaps up at that. “What?”

“Well,” Kyungsoo fidgets with the edge of a napkin, nervous. “When passion goes stale, they say people seek out fresher features…”

Jongdae frowns sternly --he doesn’t mean to be so judgemental of Kyungsoo’s insecurities, but it’s hard not to. “Are you really that jealous?”

Kyungsoo exhales slowly. “Yes,” he admits, causing Jongdae to frown harder. “But,” he quickly amends. “Not for the reasons you think.” Kyungsoo curls into himself, only just. “He’s everything I’m not…” he doesn’t have to say Baekhyun, because Jongdae already knows. “Young, available, funny, charismatic, sympathetic, beautiful… he gets the free time with you I don’t. It’s hard not to envy that.”

Jongdae stands at that, rounds the table and squishes Kyungsoo’s face between his hands.

“Exactly,” Jongdae says.

Kyungsoo stares at him. “What.”

“Exactly,” Jongdae repeats, unable to help but smile at the incredulous look on Kyungsoo’s face. “He’s nothing like you because he’s _not_ you. He’s not the man I married, and he’s not the man I love.”

He can feel Kyungsoo’s face warming between his palms, and can’t help but laugh at the way Kyungsoo hides his flustered exterior by pushing Jongdae’s hands away.

“Ugh,” he says, but his ears are bright red, so Jongdae knows he’s won, cackling. It feels… normal, for the first time in days, and it’s a blanket of relief around his shoulders. Jongdae is still laughing, cooing at Kyungsoo’s abrupt cuteness, when Kyungsoo looks up at him strangely, calming down.

“Does this mean you deny wanting him?” Kyungsoo asks, as Jongdae’s blood freezes. “Because I know you, Jongdae, and I know what infatuation looks like on you.”

He feels bared open, and his skin prickles. It’s not the first time Jongdae has been attracted to somebody else, no, and Jongdae has one too many college memories of drunkenly admitting that Seulgi Kang was probably his dream girl and soberly fighting with Kyungsoo about it in the morning.

But that was then, when they’d barely been together for a year and couldn’t know if it was going to work --this is the now, where Kyungsoo’s insecurities can be conquered by his logic, and now he’s just… scrutinising Jongdae, trying to work out how this fits into their life.

“I do… like him,” Jongdae tentatively admits. But how could he not? Like Kyungsoo said, Baekhyun is young, available, funny, charismatic, sympathetic. Beautiful. “But it’s hard to tell how much of that is me and how much of that is…” Jongdae clinging in the face of dejection; although scathing, Kyungsoo hadn’t been wrong when he’d said Jongdae was addicted to Baekhyun’s attention. He’s always craved affection in order to achieve self-validation, and the less he gets the more Jongdae begins to doubt himself. It’s easy to return Baekhyun’s attention as affections when Jongdae clings to anything that gives him worth --Baekhyun is a point of connection and familiarity in a world of isolation and disconnect; how is Jongdae not meant to latch onto that? It certainly explains the intensity of his feelings, at the very least.

“... Me neglecting you,” Kyungsoo concludes for Jongdae, when it’s clear he won’t finish his sentence.

Jongdae huffs as he sits against the table. “I’m not a pot plant,” he says. “And it’s both of our faults, okay? Don’t solely shoulder the blame, Kyungsoo. That’s why we’re having this problem to begin with.” He rests his hand on Kyungsoo’s cheek, who leans into the touch, eyes fluttering shut. “You know I’d never act on it though, right?” Jongdae asks softly.

Kyungsoo hums. “Yes,” he replies, and his eyes open as he stares straight at Jongdae. “But it will only get worse if you continue to be friends...”

“Well I’m not going to cut him off,” Jongdae says, holding his ground. “He’s important to me, and he deserves better than that just because I’m…” he’s not quite sure what he is. “...An emotional slut.”

Kyungsoo laughs at Jongdae’s crude wording, who grins at it in turn. He’s never going to stop loving that smile.

Jongdae groans suddenly. “Ugh, why does it feel like I’m… emotionally cheating on you or something, when I can’t control it?

“You’re not,” Kyungsoo reassures, placing a hand on Jongdae’s thigh. “But I don’t know what to do about it either. This isn’t Seulgi Kang and you’re not a horny twenty year-old.” Kyungsoo pauses at Jongdae’s noise of offense. “I guess you’re just a horny twenty-nine year old.” Jongdae squeaks even higher, whining. “I don’t think it will magically dissipate.”

Is it just a craving of intimacy Jongdae has been lacking? Is it just because he’s horny? Is it because his brain wants something fresh in a decade-old relationship or does Jongdae want Baekhyun because Baekhyun is so sheerly desirable he can’t imagine not having him in his life now that he’s got him, and all Jongdae wants is to tug him in closer.

“What if…” Kyungsoo starts, voice quiet. “... what if I can’t do my job well enough. What if you should start seeing Baekhyun, to give you what I can’t?”

Jongdae stares, stunned at Kyungsoo’s proposal. It’s not like you can go to university and not hear about _~open relationships~_ because everybody is afraid of commitment or just wants to have as much sex as possible on the regular, but it’s… it’s not something Jongdae particularly wants, or even thinks about, and he’d been pretty sure Kyungsoo was on the same wavelength the moment they’d painted their monogamous dreams in a twenty-year plan of stable jobs, marriage, and then kids.

Jongdae frowns. “I don’t think me going to somebody else for areas this relationship is currently struggling will help our situation.”

Kyungsoo flinches. “You’re right,” he says, scratching behind his ear. “I just… I don’t know.”

Monogamy had always been the end goal for Jongdae, _Kyungsoo_ had always been the end goal. Open relationships were fine for college kids or people who weren’t Jongdae, but he’d always wanted a soulmate, a partner, one person to love and cherish, one person for life --just like the world around him told him to.

Now, with their relationship strained and the desperation to fix it no matter what the cost, Jongdae doesn’t know what he wants.

“Would you really do that?” He asks quietly. “A-- A what? Open relationship?” Is this what Kyungsoo wants? Or is this for Jongdae’s sake? “Do _you_ want to see other people?”

“I don't … know…” Kyungsoo says pensively. “I guess I wondered, if letting you have Baekhyun was the only way to keep you--”

“Kyungsoo--” Jongdae blanches.

“--And I realise how stupid that is now, don’t worry, but…” Kyungsoo trails off. Baekhyun shouldn’t be a consolation prize, and he certainly isn’t something Jongdae needs to be given in order to keep this relationship. Jongdae has never even considered an open relationship, and he still knows that’s not how it should work. “I don’t think the intention changes. If he's something that might make you happy, why would I stop you?”

Jongdae exhales slowly, tipping his head back to stare at the ceiling. “This is a lot to process over a minor crush.”

Kyungsoo just shrugs stiffly. “I guess I’ve had a lot of time to feel insecure and think about it,” his lips curve upwards. “If this relationship needs redefining to make it work, then…”

Jongdae considers seeing Baekhyun, considers Kyungsoo seeing other people, and something ugly roars in his chest.

“I don’t really think I want that,” Jongdae admits, bringing his gaze back down. He can’t even entertain the thought of having to deal with twice the amount of relationships to work on, not to mention… letting Kyungsoo see other people. If Jongdae can’t handle that kind of jealousy, it’s not fair to force Kyungsoo through the same. He’s too selfish to handle Kyungsoo just paying attention to his _job_ over Jongdae, how would he handle an actual fucking human being? “If it’s something you want, though…”

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “It’s not like there’s anyone in my life I’ve considered.”

Jongdae snorts. “I’m pretty sure any person in the world who’s seen Seven-Seven wants you, Kyungsoo.” (Does that include Baekhyun? A fleeting thought.)

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “Jealous?” He asks teasingly. “It’s not like I exactly want them back.”

“Me? Jealous?” Jongdae curls his fingers through Kyungsoo’s shirt. “Such emotions are beneath me.”

Kyungsoo smiles. “Right, I forgot you’re perfect.” Jongdae leans down to kiss him, and Kyungsoo kisses him back, slow and sweet, relieved. Kyungsoo will take some time off work, Jongdae will take some time to assimilate further into this new life, they’ll talk about it, they’ll be more open, they’ll fix it.

“Is that offer of pity sex still in the air?” Jongdae mumbles against Kyungsoo’s lips, who laughs in lieu of _no_.

Worth a shot.

  
  


 

At work on Friday, Minseok says, “Woah, you seem chipper.”

Jongdae ceases his whistling where his mug is being held under the coffee machine, waiting for it to finish dripping out. “What am I, a chipmunk?” He jokes.

Minseok pulls a face. “I love lame jokes, and even that was too terrible for me to laugh at.” Jongdae pouts. “Good weekend?”

Jongdae’s weekend insisted of fighting with his husband and then talking about how to fix what they’d been fighting about. “Somehow…” he replies. “Yeah.”

He doesn’t elaborate, just hums as he sips at his coffee, walking past Minseok back to his desk, who blinks in bewilderment. Jongdae likes his coworkers, sure, but they’re not exactly at the _let’s discuss my shaky marriage!_ stage.

It’s weird, to feel like there’s a weight off his shoulders and to notice how it bleeds into his daily life, long past exiting the apartment. He simply feels… better, and it has put him in a good mood. Even though they’re still working on things, like the fact Jongdae has to catch his bitter thoughts when he sees Kyungsoo’s money pour into their account and try not to count how many extra zeroes he gets, smother his own self-loathing down and try to focus on the positives, try not to account money to a human’s worth, it’s just… fine. He kind of… does it? And it helps because when he goes home at night Kyungsoo is actually fucking there for once, and Jongdae admits that he’d felt kind of weird about it, but is reassured by Kyungsoo saying that money really is just a useless human capitalist concept, and it’s silly that Jongdae attaches so much worth to it when to Kyungsoo, he’s priceless.

(That makes Jongdae choke on air and stammer at a lack of what to say, Kyungsoo just laughs evilly in gleeful vengeance.)

Five o’clock couldn’t come any quicker, and Jongdae feels relieved for the weekend already, extra excited because he knows Kyungsoo has the whole time off. Today was the last day of filming for the new series, which means Kyungsoo has a pretty decent chunk of time to himself before their press tour starts in the next few months.

He’ll be out tonight, though, due to a cast party to celebrate the end, and Kyungsoo had apologised to Jongdae, wanting to invite him but it being kind of strange since it was a cast party. Jongdae had assured it was okay, and secretly felt elated, because previously Kyungsoo had never even entertained the thought of bringing Jongdae to any sort of celebration, so it means _progress._

As it stands, Jongdae currently has plans for tonight anyway.

Baekhyun opens the door with a blinding grin. “Hey!”

Something in Jongdae’s heart melts a little, because Baekhyun is gorgeous and it drives Jongdae crazy, but he swallows the prominent thought down. “Hey,” he holds up a six-pack of beer. “I’m ready to prove my existence.”

Baekhyun had invited him over oddly formally on Wednesday, saying that Sehun would actually be around for once and he wanted to meet Jongdae so Baekhyun could prove he wasn’t making him up. Jongdae had agreed, of course, mostly because he can’t say no to Baekhyun, but disguised it well by saying he wanted to make sure Baekhyun wasn’t making up Sehun either.

As it stands, Sehun Oh can’t be anything less than a model, stretched out on Baekhyun’s couch in clothing worth more than Jongdae’s existence with a face hand-sculpted by the gods. Okay then.

When he stands up and offers out a hand, Jongdae can’t help but note that his legs are never-ending. “It’s nice to finally meet you, figment of Baekhyun’s imagination.”

Sehun’s smile is faint but ever-present, as Jongdae cackles and returns the gesture. “Likewise, other figment of Baekhyun’s imagination.”

“Get out,” Baekhyun says easily, nonchalant because he knows rising to the bait will only cement their satisfaction. Jongdae can’t even be surprised that it’s been thirty-seconds and he already likes Baekhyun’s friend, when Baekhyun himself had been likeable in even less amount of time. “Both of you.”

“Can’t get rid of something that lives in here,” Sehun teases, flicking Baekhyun’s forehead to prove a point, who whines and rubs at the spot like a petulant child.

Sehun just sighs and ruffles Baekhyun’s hair fondly with an amount of familiarity and ease Jongdae can’t even fathom, and when Baekhyun retaliates by biting onto Sehun’s bicep Sehun just… lets him? And leaves him there? Hanging off of his arm by his teeth?

Okay then.

Sehun turns to Jongdae, completely uncaring that Baekhyun is currently gnawing on his limb like it’s a chew-toy and he’s a teething puppy. “Sorry that it took so long to meet you, I’ve been doing stuff overseas for work.”

Jongdae blinks, thrown-off by the unnecessary apology. “No it’s… fine?” He says, because it really is, but he has no idea why Sehun thinks it isn’t. Does he make a point to befriend all of his best friend’s friends? “I know how work can be.”

Sehun nods solemnly, although Jongdae is well-aware they’re talking about very different types of work. “Baekhyun just talks about you so much, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.”

Jongdae looks to Baekhyun delightedly, who finally stops chewing Sehun’s twink arm like it’s a bone. “I do not,” he argues, indignant, turning up his nose.

“You do,” Sehun insists. “It’s all, _today Jongdae said_ _this_ and _today Jongdae did_ _that_ \--”

Baekhyun leans over on his tiptoes in order to smother both of his hands over Sehun’s mouth, grinning at Jongdae sheepishly.

“Kids these days, am I right?” He laughs nervously. “Millennials--”

“I do count as a millenial, you realise?” Jongdae cocks a hip out, arching an eyebrow. “I’m not _that_ old?”

“Oh, sorry,” Baekhyun easily wipes the palm Sehun must’ve licked on his jeans without even bothering to get grossed out about it. “You wear so many different types of pants that don’t actually fit your legs I forget you’re not my dad.”

Jongdae looks at his current jeans over sneakers combo. They’re only a little baggy… or maybe a little more than Jongdae remembers when he’d first bought them. How is he supposed to know how to dress? He’s married to Kyungsoo for Christ’s sake, who wears all black and cargo pants like Dracula and the most boring human being alive had a child together. “Isn’t this what’s trendy?”

“Yeah, see, just by asking that, I forget you’re a millennial all over again.” Jongdae pinches Baekhyun’s ear, not hard enough to hurt, but enough to make it go red. “Ow!”

“I was promised movies and pizza and I’m starting to think that was all a trap to lure me in so you could bully me.”

“Ah, being lured in by free food and entertainment?” Sehun asks, eyes twinkling. “Now you’re starting to sound young again.”

Jongdae laughs in time with Baekhyun.

“Shut up,” Baekhyun rolls his eyes, but his smile is still in place. “You’re both fucking rich.”

“But without Kyungsoo I’d be nothing,” Jongdae half-jokes with too much merit, and doesn’t even realise that he’s just… _not_ used an epithet in front of somebody he’s just met for the first time in. A very long time.

“Your husband?” Sehun asks, and Jongdae nods. “At least you can divorce him and steal like… half his assets.”

Jongdae laughs despite the fact that breaking up with Kyungsoo had been a viable fear he’d been inches away from entertaining last week, now it just feels ridiculous that he’d ever thought their relationship was fraying apart to begin with.

“Jongdae’s way too nice to do that,” Baekhyun says distractedly as he tucks the beer he plucks from Jongdae’s fingers into the fridge, pulling out three that he must have bought himself, cool to the touch. “He’d probably divorce Kyungsoo and then continue to be best friends with him, if they could even get divorced to begin with.” Sehun’s look is unreadable, but Baekhyun’s grin is just sly. “I’m pretty sure they’ve been bonded to each other for eternity ever since the dinosaurs were around.”

Jongdae scoffs, accepting the beer all the same. “You know we met in college like normal people, right?”

“Before fame and fortune,” Baekhyun sighs wistfully, cradling his bottle over his heart. “True love indeed.”

“By that logic, you and I would be in love,” Sehun points out, and Baekhyun quickly pulls a face of disgust.

“How did you two meet?” Jongdae asks, because he can’t say he’s not curious. There are a lot of things concerning Baekhyun that Jongdae wants to know more about, but struggles to find ways to. How he ended up knowing a successful model and living in his apartment rent-free is certainly one.

“Our parents were in the same church group,” Baekhyun shrugs easily. “Little Sehunnie here was a soprano with me.” Baekhyun chuckles as they all sort of just, collectively move towards the couch instinctively. “Then he hit a growth-spurt and graduated to alto and we broke up.”

Jongdae chokes on beer.

“And you still hold a grudge about it,” Sehun clicks his tongue.

“How could I not?” Baekhyun pouts as he flings himself onto the couch, legs spread butterfly as his feet touch. “My heart broken at age thirteen, by an eleven year old who hit puberty earlier…”

Sehun just ignores him, which makes Jongdae snort. “So unfortunately we’re childhood friends that go way back. When Baekhyun moved out here he needed a place to stay, and I needed the company, so.”

Jongdae blinks at that. “You didn’t grow up here?”

It had been so easy to assume, for some reason, to picture Baekhyun flourishing out in L.A with the sun in the widespread city, so at home in a place that Jongdae associates with Baekhyun so much he forgets he doesn’t actually own it.

Instead, Baekhyun’s face is oddly solemn. “No,” he says simply. And that’s that.

Jongdae wants to ask why he moved --for school or… something else-- but the atmosphere has shifted, so he doesn’t, remaining quiet instead.

“We should order the pizza so it gets here soon,” Sehun says suddenly, breaking the strange silence. “I just ended my diet and I’ve waited three centuries to taste it again.”

Baekhyun’s smile is quick, unassuming, sliding back into place so naturally it’s hard for Jongdae to remember it had ever left. “Don’t make old jokes around Jongdae, he’s sensitive.”

Jongdae whacks Baekhyun without even looking.

  


 

 

 

Spending time with Sehun and Baekhyun turns out to be just as fun as spending time with Baekhyun alone, although Jongdae can tell that Baekhyun is a little different when Sehun is around; not any more or less himself, just different. It makes Jongdae wonder how many masks Baekhyun has.

He’s curled against Jongdae’s side currently, absentmindedly, his feet in Sehun’s lap with his head on Jongdae’s shoulder, hugging his arm. His body is so warm and noticeable Jongdae can’t even focus on the movie, alarm bells ringing in his head. Maybe he should pull away, push Baekhyun back, try to set some sort of fucking boundaries so his thirst for affection can’t deepen any further but… is it something he should try to destroy? Or is it something worth nurturing? Jongdae doesn’t know, it’s not like he’s ever… liked someone so much before, but then they’d moved out here and so much has changed, it’s a new seed to be planted alongside all the others.

The question is whether to let it grow or not.

Jongdae sneaks a glance at Baekhyun’s quiet face --a rare sight indeed- during an emotional scene, watching the movie on the screen indifferently as he yawns gently, once, face so soft and familiar to Jongdae, butterflies in his ribcage. It’s too late, he realises then. It’s already grown too large to be culled. It isn’t at all just a side-effect of emotional-neglect, Jongdae truly, wholeheartedly has feelings for Baekhyun.

And it’s fucking terrifying.

Jongdae tears his gaze away then, like he shouldn’t be looking, but he sees Sehun from the corner of his eye on the opposite side of the couch, watching him with that unreadable expression again. Jongdae gulps, refocusing on the movie.

After the credits roll, Sehun says, “Finally. I’m going to pee, decide what to watch next.”

Baekhyun moves away from Jongdae so much so that the absence of warmth is startling, reaching for the remote before settling right back against his side, flicking through Netflix idly.

“Maybe we should watch one of Kyungsoo’s movies,” he teases drunkenly, shooting Jongdae a little grin, who groans in return.

“I think I’ve seen all of them at least fifty-times,” Jongdae grimaces at the TV. “If you want me to just re-enact every scene for you line-by-line I can.”  

“I kind of want to see that, actually,” Baekhyun still has a shit-eating smile on, and it’s so infuriating, Jongdae wishes he could wipe it off. “How are things with Kyungsoo? I haven’t really…”

Even drunk, Baekhyun is far too good at keeping Jongdae at the forefront of his mind. It’s kind of scary.

“Good,” Jongdae answers quietly. “It’s getting better, now that we talked about what’s bothering us.”

“That’s a relief,” Baekhyun nods. “Did you guys have sappy makeup sex?”

It sounds like a joke, but Jongdae is still sensitive. He frowns. “No,” Jongdae bitterly admits. “He still won’t have sex with me.”

Baekhyun just giggles, something Jongdae thinks he probably wouldn’t do if he weren’t such a lightweight. “Is getting laid all you care about?”

“No...” Jongdae sighs. “But it… bothers me? It’s something we do together, you know? And it’s hard to feel like there’s a spark in this relationship when it’s not happening.” It’s kind of Jongdae’s main issue now, even as their relationship fixes itself, heals over time, Kyungsoo still won’t... “Kyungsoo said our sex life felt--” What was the word he used again? “--Stale.”

Baekhyun winces. “Ouch.”

Jongdae pulls a face in silent agreement.

“You guys still love each other though, right?” Baekhyun asks, which Jongdae nods at. “So the spark is still there, it’s just changed its shape and you’ve forgotten how to find it.” He shrugs, like he isn’t offering Jongdae the best advice yet. “You just need to… find new things to do together. Spice it up.”

Jongdae’s eyebrows furrow together at that. “What?”

“Oh come on,” Baekhyun rolls his eyes, pulling away from Jongdae, if only slightly. “You guys got married at twenty-six and talked about having kids when you first met--” they didn’t, but Baekhyun continues rambling, not giving Jongdae a chance to defend himself. “--of _course_ you’re going to get bored of your sex life if it’s nothing but missionary sex with socks on every wednesday at exactly 9pm so you can be done by 9:05 and not miss Jeopardy reruns at 9:15.”

Jongdae turns bright red, flustering. “We’re not that boring!!!!”

Baekhyun is undeterred. “Please, for a gay couple you guys are painfully hetero in how vanilla you are. I bet all you do is be domestic and in love, it’s so boring. Where’s the spice?”

Jongdae makes a high-pitched noise. “I’m not talking about this.”

Sehun steps back into the living room. “What are we not talking about?” He asks curiously.

“How vanilla Jongdae is,” Baekhyun says offhandedly, and Jongdae tries to focus on how unjust it feels to be called out like this, rather than Baekhyun repurposing the conversation to hide the vulnerability at its centre while still letting Sehun join in, so smoothly and without any awkwardness.

Sehun snorts. “Oh yeah, I can tell just by the flare jeans and ugly shoes.” He falls onto the cough gracelessly, a tangle of too-long limbs. “Not to mention the whole, good-christian-boy vibe you’ve got going on.”

Jongdae scoffs, gently curling the hand where he wears his rosary ring shut and tucking it between his legs. “You two are such--” he struggles to find the words. “-- _college students_ , thinking crazy sex is the only type of good sex.”

Baekhyun giggles again, a rapid _hehehehe_. “So you don’t deny it, then? You are vanilla?” His eyes have a satisfied glint to them. “Don’t get jealous just because you skipped university and went straight to being geriatric.” Baekhyun pokes Jongdae’s stomach. “You’d get bored eating the same thing every day for your life, sex is no different.”

He… sort of has a point there, but Jongdae is pretty sure he and Kyungsoo aren’t having sex because of the emotional disconnect, not because they’re… bored of it.

Right?

(In hindsight, maybe it’s a mix of both.)

“Whatever,” Jongdae grumbles. “Can we just watch the next movie?”

Baekhyun and Sehun exchange knowing eye-contact, but mercifully don’t say anything more about the topic.

They keep drinking and watching whatever comes up on Baekhyun’s Netflix list, chugging through beer after a beer even while eating ice cream straight out of the carton, making Jongdae feel disgustingly bloated, yet satisfied. The more they drink, the touchier Baekhyun gets, or maybe Jongdae’s just becoming increasingly aware of it, hazy mind unable to do anything but focus on every point of contact and warmth. No, not warmth; heat. Baekhyun’s touch is searing, burning Jongdae from the inside out.

By three a.m, Jongdae calls it quits.

“Old man,” Sehun says easily, Jongdae sticking out his tongue in childish retaliation as he slips into his shoes.

“C’mon grandpa,” Baekhyun teases. “I’ll walk you home.”

Jongdae only laughs, considering the walk home is the whole ten seconds it takes to exit the apartment and go down the hall, but Baekhyun is cheery and insistent --and clingy, latching onto Jongdae’s arm like he’s afraid to let go.

“Make sure to drink lots of water, Baekhyunnie,” Jongdae pointedly reminds Baekhyun as they stand outside Jongdae’s front door, not stepping apart even though they should, impulsively sweeping his bangs out of Baekhyun’s face and watching the way his eyes flutter at the touch. Fuck.

Baekhyun whines, a tiny noise in the back of his throat. “You’re too considerate,” he complains, as if it’s somehow a bad thing. His eyes open, and they’re sharp, assessing. “Why did you have to move here, Jongdae Kim? To ruin my life?”

Jongdae frowns, confused by Baekhyun’s drunken slurring. “Because I wanted a new start,” he corrects. Kyungsoo moved here for work, but Jongdae moved here for something new.

Baekhyun sighs and tips his forehead against Jongdae’s shoulder. “Funny isn’t it? We’re both here because we wanted to run away from something.” His lips ghost over Jongdae’s collar bones, breath warm and slightly wet, sending shivers down Jongdae’s spine. It’s a good wake-up call.

“Baekhyun…” Jongdae says slowly, both a plea and a warning as his hands grip Baekhyun’s shoulders to push him back, gently, place some distance between them. “I’m married.” Jongdae reminds him, wondering why it tastes like a flimsy excuse.

“Right,” Baekhyun says, seeming to wake up as he pries himself from Jongdae’s hands and steps back. “I know that. Of course I know that,” he looks up then, meets Jongdae’s eyes defiantly. “Do you?”  

Jongdae pales, flooded with an indescribable amount of guilt. “What?” He asks, and he can’t make sense of it, skin still tingling in the absence of Baekhyun’s body heat, and suddenly Jongdae understands why moths crave the flame so much. His brain is clouded by alcohol, and everything feels like it reaches him through a thick fog, like Jongdae is sinking in water and anything else is happening just above the surface.

“Nothing,” Baekhyun shakes his head, stepping back with a line to his mouth that doesn’t suit his face. “Just-- whatever. Goodnight, Jongdae.”

Baekhyun shuts his front door with a quiet click. Jongdae doesn’t understand why the silence has to ring in his ears so much, like a poignant reminder.

 

 

 

 

Jongdae doesn’t go to sleep --can’t, really, with the way his thoughts keep him awake, letting some of the drunkenness wear off as he drinks water in front of the television, tuning out the sounds of early morning infomercials and waiting for Kyungsoo to stumble in long past five, reeking of alcohol and cigarette smoke.

He stares at Jongdae from where he’s currently unbuttoning his shirt, leaning against the entryway.

“You’re awake,” he states, still staring. Drunk Kyungsoo is even creepier with the wide-eyed stares than Sober Kyungsoo.

“I think I’m leading Baekhyun on,” Jongdae states plainly, still looking at the spot above the television on the wall, lost in thought.

Kyungsoo snorts. “Yeah that wouldn’t surprise me, you flirt with everybody.” Jongdae turns at that, frowns at Kyungsoo flopping himself onto the couch and yawning. Drunk Kyungsoo is also just as cute as Sober Kyungsoo, but in a very different, adorable way. Far more pliable and good-natured --if he’s in the proper mood. “He’s enamoured with you, and you indulge him by giving him all your time and attention.”

He turns to Jongdae with a pointed look, who winces on cue. Kyungsoo just keeps smiling, a faint curve to his lips. Jongdae had been at least mildly aware that Baekhyun certainly had… some form of affection towards him… but he hadn’t thought he’d been…

“Ugh,” Jongdae grunts, in realisation. “What do I do?”

Kyungsoo hums, tugs Jongdae to his chest and runs his fingers through his hair until Jongdae can exhale slowly. “You’ve always let other people define your relationship with them, but maybe you should consider putting in some boundaries, adding some distance.”

“But he’s my friend,” Jongdae whines, looking at Kyungsoo imploringly.

“Even as a friend, I think you give him too much,” Kyungsoo admits, and it’s true, but Jongdae doesn’t enjoy hearing it. It’s not his fault Baekhyun is just so convenient for Jongdae to pour everything into, but in hindsight it hasn’t been particularly healthy. Jongdae pulls a face, and Kyungsoo just laughs softly.

“What?” Jongdae asks, scrunching his nose.

“Nothing,” Kyungsoo reassures, although he’s still smiling. “I can just tell you don’t want to because you like him so much. It’s cute, it reminds me of your original crush on me.”

Jongdae stills at that. “You knew?” He asks, high-pitched. Nineteen-year-old Jongdae had spent a decent chunk of time swooning over the boy he met in the muscial theatre club, unsure of how to ask him out, but bothering him all the time by forcing him to hang out with Jongdae and poorly flirt in hopes that he’d do it first.

“Of course I knew,” Kyungsoo reveals fondly, as if he hasn’t been keeping this fact from Jongdae for ten years. “I also knew you’d come around eventually, I just enjoyed watching you agonise over it too much to ask you out first.” Jongdae scoffs in offense, and Kyungsoo just smiles, pushes away Jongdae’s bangs again with gentle ministrations. “If you don’t want to put distance between Baekhyun or lead him on, then maybe you should just… go for it.”

Jongdae sits up. “What?”

“Go for it,” Kyungsoo repeats, more sure of himself. “Ask him out or something, I don’t mind. You obviously like him a lot.”

“That’s--” Jongdae cuts off, frowning. “--No. I don’t want that.” Then again, Jongdae has no fucking idea of what he wants.

“What you want is Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo tells him, as if he knows Jongdae’s heart better than Jongdae himself. Maybe he does. “And you need to stop beating yourself up about it.”

Jongdae shakes his head in a fruitless attempt to clear his thoughts, maybe, make the fog go away. “Why are you okay with this?” He asks quietly, confused. Why is Kyungsoo trying to push Jongdae out of their own relationship? Does he just… want to ship Jongdae off to the next available person?

No. Jongdae smothers the self-doubt, biting his tongue. He knows Kyungsoo loves him, this isn’t about something like that.

Kyungsoo shrugs, a tiny little thing. “I don’t think you like him because I’m not enough,” he begins explaining. “I think you like him because he makes you happy, and I guess I realised that if he does, then… why would I take that away from you?” It’s such a simple way of framing something so deeply complicated, Jongdae feels thrown off-balance. “Your happiness is my happiness, you know?” Kyungsoo laughs sheepishly, scratching behind his ear as his cheeks redden from something other than alcohol paired with Asian flush.

“But it’s--” Jongdae struggles to find the words. “Somebody else--”

Kyungsoo just hums in thought. “I think we were told all our lives that once we had… the one, so to speak, we’d be happy. But you and I got that, and we weren’t automatically happy.” Jongdae frowns, Kyungsoo just sighing to reach over and interlace their fingers together. “I guess it made me wonder what else there could be, if not just you. Maybe we’ll never really be happy, but shouldn’t we hold onto the things that help?” Jongdae inhales in place of speaking, words falling short on his tongue. “I don’t know if I really want an… open relationship or what, but I do know that Baekhyun is an opportunity you should go for.”

“Kyungsoo, that’s--” Jongdae falters, unsure of what to say. His chest swells with love for Kyungsoo, who’s willing to sacrifice things Jongdae had never even considered sacrificing in hopes to help Jongdae’s happiness, but it clashes against his restraint. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that…” he hasn’t thought about it, hasn’t considered enough. He’s worried about leaving out Kyungsoo and yet, Kyungsoo is the one pushing him to go for it. Jongdae is so fucking confused.

“You won’t until you try,” Kyungsoo says, hooking his fingers under Jongdae’s chin. “You’re a good person, Jongdae, but I think you and I both have a bad habit of being wrapped up in preconceived notions of what love should be or how it’s meant to look.” Kyungsoo turns his head slightly, staring into empty space. “We’ve done almost everything right and somehow, I don’t think it’s been enough for you, and I don’t think it’s been enough for me, either. Maybe we should consider breaking some rules.” It’s almost alienating to hear Kyungsoo be so blunt about it, how he and Jongdae have ticked off all the things on a good relationship list --marriage, living together, joint bank accounts-- and yet, it isn’t enough, it hasn’t been. If it was, they wouldn’t have fought, if it was, Jongdae wouldn’t feel the need to keep Baekhyun in his life.

But maybe that’s not about Kyungsoo not being enough, maybe… maybe nobody is enough. Maybe sharing love, and sharing happiness… maybe there’s nothing wrong with that.

Kyungsoo’s resting his head on his palm, elbow above the couch, watching Jongdae think. “I thought I’d be jealous about you and Baekhyun,” he admits, reading Jongdae’s expressions all too well. “And I guess I was, but the more I thought about it, the more I was just happy that he got to be there for you when I couldn’t be, beneath the jealousy that he could. That you had somebody out here to stop you from being lonely. I think…” Kyungsoo’s eyebrows furrow together, words slurred and lacking focus. “I think we all have these ideas in our head that something unconventional is bound to go wrong but… how will we ever fly, if we won’t even leave the cage to begin with?”

Jongdae smiles, despite himself, smiles at Kyungsoo thinking about it so much, willing to break rules he’s been taught to believe in all his life for Jongdae’s sake. Fuck he’s so in love with Kyungsoo; it’s pretty gross. “You’ve really thought about this, haven’t you?”

“One of us has to be the brains in this relationship,” Kyungsoo teases, and his lips tilt up at Jongdae’s pout. “And I guess I have a lot of time between scenes to work it out, it’s been on my mind, unsurprisingly.” They both laugh, Kyungsoo curling Jongdae’s hand into his. “I know Baekhyun’s not exactly a fix for us, or a distraction, but… I realised he’s not a bad thing, either. “ Kyungsoo squeezes Jongdae’s fingers. “I love you, Jongdae, and I trust you more than anyone in the world.” He squeezes tighter. “I know we’ll be able to handle something like this. Maybe something new and different will help us.”

Jongdae stares at their hands, swallowing. “I… I need to think about it,” he says. “I’m not really sure if I’m quite ready for it either, you know?”

“Do you want my advice?” Kyungsoo asks, and Jongdae nods, even though he’s pretty sure Kyungsoo would have given it either way. “Maybe talk to Baekhyun about it, because he’s a part of this too, even if he doesn’t know it.” Kyungsoo smiles faintly. “Be honest with him so you don’t break his heart.”

Jongdae thinks about Baekhyun’s crestfallen expression in the hallway. ( _I know that. Do you?)_ He doesn’t say it might already be too late.

“Okay,” Jongdae relents, sufficiently shaken, tumbling through a whirlwind of thoughts that are racing too quickly to catch them. Baekhyun does make Jongdae happy, but does chasing that happiness mean letting go of the kind Kyungsoo gives him? Kyungsoo certainly doesn’t seem to think so, and maybe he’s right. “Thanks, Kyungsoo,” Jongdae says, closing his eyes briefly and feeling a wave of exhaustion wash over him, alongside relief. He opens them. “I love you.”

Kyungsoo’s smile is blinding. “I love you too.” The right kind of blinding that Jongdae can’t be blamed for indulging in a four a.m drunken kiss. Kyungsoo pushes Jongdae back with a face of disgust. “You taste like stale beer.”

“You say the most romantic things,” Jongdae replies wistfully. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, getting up from the couch.

“Brush your teeth and go to bed,” he demands. “You don’t want to be hungover in the morning, old man.”

“I’m really not that old,” Jongdae grumbles, even as he does as he’s told. Kyungsoo doesn’t hear him.

  


 

 

Jongdae is aware of his conversation with Kyungsoo when he wakes up in the morning, hungover. Jongdae is aware of his conversation with Kyungsoo when he goes back to work on Monday, staring at the coffee machine. Jongdae is aware of his conversation with Kyungsoo when he comes home on a Wednesday, fiddling with his key in the lock, trying to get it to fit right. He knows he should talk to Baekhyun --apologise even, above that-- try to make sense of the mess that is his life, but Jongdae, as he’s quickly coming to learn, is kind of a coward. He’s terrified of Kyungsoo’s blessing, terrified of his own feelings, terrified of Baekhyun, as if one or maybe all of them might eat him whole.

Now that Kyungsoo is free of filming duties for the next foreseeable future, they’ve been spending more time together, watching movies at home and even going out on a date --heaven forbid-- booking a private room in a fancy restaurant like elite adults just because it’s somewhere Kyungsoo wanted to try and playing footsie under the table like kids. It’s… really fucking nice to feel like Kyungsoo is back in Jongdae’s life, and he knows Kyungsoo feels the same, because they talk about it. Jongdae had always thought they were open and honest, but maybe somewhere along the way that got shut off, yet now it’s been opened again and Jongdae has missed it so much.

Kyungsoo laughs more, teases Jongdae more, is just more… present. Less drained from work and more eager to put effort into things, and Jongdae reciprocates, ignores work in favour of watching movies with Kyungsoo or going for walks during prettier spring days with facemasks on, sits at the kitchen counter while he cooks and discusses potential vacation spots they could visit once Kyungsoo is done with his press tour, maybe, over the sound of the stove and exhaust fan.

It’s weird to live with someone and realise that you haven’t really been spending proper time with them --whenever they had it had been fleeting, sparse, empty. Even if Kyungsoo was present he’d always been too tired to truly be there, and Jongdae had been so withdrawn into his own worries and self-doubts there had been a wall stretched between them. Now they’re knocking that down, and it’s… really fucking good.

But that doesn’t mean Jongdae expects two sets of laughter to ring out when he enters the front door, pausing by the shoe rack as he determines who Kyungsoo would invite over at this time. He knows that laugh, is that--

“Baekhyun…” Jongdae says slowly, noting where Baekhyun is swinging on a kitchen stool, grinning at Kyungsoo across the counter. “What’re you doing here?”

“I invited him,” Kyungsoo answers simply, wiping a hand off on an apron as Jongdae slowly steps towards the kitchen. “Bumped into him in the hallway.” Kyungsoo lets Jongdae press a kiss against his cheek, face rounding up. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Jongdae grins dopily.

“Ugh, please,” Baekhyun sticks his tongue out. “No PDA near the food, you’ll contaminate it.”

Kyungsoo laughs as Jongdae just rolls his eyes. “He’s funny,” Kyungsoo tells Jongdae, referring to Baekhyun. “I see why you keep him around.”

“He’s a menace,” Jongdae corrects, giving Baekhyun a pointed look. Is it possible Baekhyun doesn’t even remember what had happened that weekend? Then again, the strange, stagnant silence between them, and his lack of crashing into Jongdae’s life recently, tells Jongdae otherwise.

“He also can hear you,” Baekhyun deadpans, third-person. His canines peek through his small smile when Jongdae huffs through his nose. He makes a small delighted noise in the back of his throat when he sees the tray of brownies in the oven, right beneath the pot of noodles on the stove. Kyungsoo’s really pulling out all the stops tonight, huh? “Kyungsoo was just telling me what you were like in college.”

“Baekhyun doesn’t believe you were ever young to begin with,” Kyungsoo helpfully adds.

“I’m not even that old,” Jongdae whines, jutting his bottom lip out. He looks to Baekhyun imploringly. “Why are you so mean to me?”

“Because you deserve it,” Baekhyun’s tone is joking, but Jongdae still flinches a little. Damn. “It’s really hard to imagine you as a pining little fuckboy.”

Kyungsoo snorts as Jongdae whines. “You wear a snapback once, maybe twice--”

“Maybe every single day,” Kyungsoo finishes for him, giving Jongdae a sly little smirk even as he wraps his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist from behind and plops his head onto his shoulder piteously. “When he first got my number he asked for nudes and then pretended he didn’t by playing it off as a joke.”

Baekhyun’s jaw drops to the counter, a disbelieving laugh tumbling out of his mouth as Jongdae pouts because Kyungsoo betrayed him, what the fuck.

“Holy shit,” Baekhyun remarks, delighted, Kyungsoo just laughing as Jongdae groans and hides his face in his hands.

“I _was_ joking!!” He argues. (He hadn’t been, but let it be known that you should never ask your idiotic college roommate for advice on how to text your crush. Somehow nineteen year old Jongdae had got it into his head that he’d make Kyungsoo fall in love with him through sex, or something. He doesn’t really understand it now, the mind of a horny teenage boy who also craves love and intimacy is a bizarre sort of place.) “I was wooing you! And it worked!”

“Sure thing honey,” Kyungsoo deapans, patting Jongdae’s cheek blindly and condescendingly. Jongdae blows air at him.

Baekhyun laughs. “I really can’t believe you guys have been together for that long,” he remarks offhandedly, chin in his palm as he shakes his head slightly in disbelief. “You were younger than me and you’d already locked yourself into one relationship. As a commitment-phobic millennial I’d just like to sincerely say: that’s horrific.”

Jongdae stays quiet as Kyungsoo just laughs easily. “If you find something that works, why throw it away?” He tips his head pensively. “I’ve never understood all the phobia around commitment…”

“I mean, haven’t you ever wondered what it’s like to… experience other things? Being with other people?” Baekhyun asks, genuinely curious, although it’s ironic how many chords he accidentally strikes. “The grass is greener on the other side and all that jazz, right?”

Kyungsoo and Jongdae exchange a look, Jongdae swallowing thickly. “I’m sure we probably have,” Kyungsoo says slowly. “But you could experience the whole world and you’d still want to try more, right?” Baekhyun hums noncommittally in agreement. “We’ll always want what we can’t have, and learning to love someone means learning to come to terms with that. Besides,” Kyungsoo shrugs. “It’s not like committing yourself to someone means you have to be solely committed to them for eternity. Relationships aren’t some permanent prison, they’re flexible and open to change and redefinitions.”

Jongdae would laugh at Baekhyun’s wide-eyed expression if he weren’t too busy poking Kyungsoo’s side because _s_ _eriously,_  will his husband ever learn the meaning of subtlety? Or better yet, not being as blunt as a brick wall. Just post a billboard outside their apartment building at this rate, advertising the fact that their marriage is currently being renegotiated because of one (1) Baekhyun Byun.

“Oh,” he squeaks, neck turning red. “I um. I guess you’re right.” Baekhyun swallows, drumming his fingers on the countertop idly, and Jongdae doesn’t miss the way Kyungsoo turns to the pot at the stove to hide his smile. He’s fond of Baekhyun already if he’s teasing him this much, the thought makes Jongdae happy.

“Dinner’s nearly ready, why don’t you go wait at the table and we’ll plate up?” Jongdae suggests, Baekhyun snapping out of his thoughts before nodding minutely and moving towards the table like a zombie on autopilot.

Jongdae bumps his hip against Kyungsoo’s. “You’re going to break him,” he warns.

Kyungsoo hands Jongdae a stack of bowls with a conflicted look. “But I’m having _so_ much fun.”

Jongdae looks at Kyungsoo, then laughs softly in disbelief, grabbing a handful of spoons and chopsticks from the cutlery drawer as he heads out towards the dining table, where Baekhyun is still incessantly drumming the tops of his thighs, looking at anything except Jongdae. He glances up only when Jongdae places a bowl in front of him, his eyes conflicted but swimming with a thousand words behind them; Jongdae curses Baekhyun’s masks, and how hard it is to see through them.

The tension snaps when Kyungsoo places the dish on the table, alongside a bowl of rice, and Baekhyun sighs at the heavenly scent.

“Is that japchae-bap?” He asks greedily, licking his lips. “I haven’t had that since I was a kid…”

“Really?” Jongdae asks, surprised. “But it’s like, such a post-Chuseok classic. My mom makes it every time.”

Baekhyun shrugs stiffly, and the atmosphere shifts, Jongdae striking a vein he hadn’t meant to burst.

“I don’t really celebrate chuseok, anymore.” Is all Baekhyun says, and that’s the end of that.

Kyungsoo changes the topic by talking about his recipe, and Jongdae watches the way Baekhyun relaxes, relieved for the easy escape. Weeks ago, Jongdae had been bitter and petty about sharing Baekhyun with Kyungsoo, like he was something that belonged to Jongdae only, but none of that exists now as he watches them interact, the easy comfort of it all and the way Baekhyun is so good at changing his shape to meld with their dynamic. He’s less brash than he is with Jongdae, less childish than he had been with Sehun, rather Baekhyun wears a new mask for each person he meets, and the one he wears for Kyungsoo is polite but sensitive, cheeky but restrained --they get along well.

It’s almost sad, in a way. Jongdae wonders what the real Baekhyun must be like, hiding under all those layers, rather than the glimpses he sees of his compartmentalised self.

Regardless, Jongdae is happy to watch Kyungsoo and Baekhyun easily become friends, their dynamic simple as they tease and prod at each other, often ganging up on Jongdae, too --a sacrifice that’s not in vain. Baekhyun’s cheeks go red all the way down his neck from Kyungsoo’s joke about him being an obvious lightweight, and when he sips at his beer, they redden even further. It’s hideously endearing.

Kyungsoo dishes up his brownies in a bowl of ice cream each, and Jongdae and Baekhyun reach for their servings like kids reaching for their stockings at Christmas. Baekhyun remarks about how they taste even better when they’re fresh and warm, and Jongdae can only moan with a mouthful of the taste as he says, _I know right?_

By the time they wash up and finish, Baekhyun excusing himself to leave because he has a morning shift tomorrow, it’s kind of… weird. Jongdae doesn’t want Baekhyun to go, he realises, he wants him to stay. With Jongdae _and_ Kyungsoo. He’s never met someone who… fits so seamlessly between them, it’s strange, but Jongdae wants to experience more of it.

He wonders if Baekhyun feels the same, hovering by the door with his shoes half on.

“Um,” he says, fidgets. “I’m having like. A thing. On saturday. For my birthday? Drinks with Sehun and some other friends--” he bites his lip. “I dunno if you guys would be interest but would you… like to… come?”

Jongdae blinks. “It’s your birthday?”

“Two days ago, actually,” Baekhyun rubs the back of his neck, and Jongdae immediately feels apologetic. “But don’t worry!” Baekhyun quickly reassures.  “I didn't tell you for a reason, okay. I hate making a big deal out of it.”

Jongdae still feels bad, but even Kyungsoo looks a little guilty. “I’m sorry,” he apologises. “I have plans with friends that night…”

Ah, Insung and the other old men who have adopted Kyungsoo. Baekhyun’s face falls. “But I can still come,” Jongdae quickly interjects. He smiles. “I’d be happy to.”

“Okay,” Baekhyun relaxes, somewhat.

“Maybe we can do something some other time,” Kyungsoo offers, surprising Jongdae and Baekhyun both. “I’d hate for a birthday to go uncelebrated.”

Baekhyun’s neck flushes, and he looks at Kyungsoo with an indescribable look, a mix between fondness and admiration, maybe, or just simple gratitude, bewilderment… like he can’t believe Kyungsoo is saying such a thing, but is so happy that he is.

“Okay,” Baekhyun agrees, with a sunny smile. He gives them both a quick hug before leaving.

As the door falls shut behind Baekhyun, Kyungsoo shoots Jongdae a look. “What?” He asks, defensive.

“I told you to talk to him,” Kyungsoo says, poking Jongdae’s stomach. “Why am I playing matchmaker for my own husband?” He asks rhetorically.

“I was scared....” Jongdae whines, pouting like a child. They head back towards the living room; Jongdae sighs. “I guess I still owe him an apology.”

Kyungsoo huffs. “No kidding,” he says mercilessly. Jongdae just pouts harder and wraps his arms around him in forgiveness. “You’re as hopeless at this as you are everything else, it seems.”

Jongdae doesn’t think about how strange this interaction is, in context, because it just… feels normal. Kyungsoo supporting and nudging Jongdae in the right direction, teasing each other. It feels so normal Jongdae forgets it isn’t.

And maybe that’s a good thing.

“Good thing I have you to do everything for me~” Jongdae coos, Kyungsoo just rolling his eyes in response. He’d meant to ask why Kyungsoo had invited Baekhyun over, really, and how it had gone before he’d showed up, but somewhere in between Kyungsoo kissing Jongdae’s pout away, he forgets to ask.

  


 

 

 

Baekhyun hadn’t exactly left a lot of time for Jongdae to sort things out before Saturday, so he spends almost all day at the mall, agonising over what to buy him, sending photos to Kyungsoo with captions about whether he thinks Baekhyun would like it or not.

 _You are so hopeless_ , Kyungsoo reminds Jongdae. Jongdae sends a teary-eyed sticker back.

Eventually Jongdae settles on something that feels… only a little over-the-top, but if he’s trying to woo Baekhyun then he… should, right? Jongdae doesn’t even know anymore; Kyungsoo seems convinced that Jongdae pursuing Baekhyun will be good for him, but even his confidence can’t fill the hole where Jongdae’s is lacking. Jongdae’s still on the fence about the whole situation, torn between wanting Baekhyun and wanting… what he’s used to.

It’s funny, really. Jongdae came out here craving new things, and now that he has it, he’s scared of the change. Being human really sucks sometimes.

The apartment smells like sugar and strawberries as Jongdae finally comes home after far too much time wasted trying to get Baekhyun a gift. Kyungsoo had decided to give Baekhyun something too, making a batch of tiny strawberry cupcakes because Jongdae told him it’s Baekhyun’s favourite flavour. They look delicious, and when Jongdae reaches for one Kyungsoo bats his hand away.

“Don’t eat the ones with good icing,” he scolds, redirecting Jongdae to the few that don’t have the fancy pipetted stuff, lacking in fondant flowers. “You get the scraps.”

“Ah, the straights were right, marriage is a prison, and you are my torturer.” Jongdae remarks. Kyungsoo gives him a flat look.

“Right,” he says dryly. “You got the card, too?”

Jongdae nods, pulling it out of the plastic bag that contains Baekhyun’s unwrapped present. He’d picked it up at one of those cutesy stationery stores Jongdae loves but never admits to; it has a photo of a puppy on it wearing a party hat with _Hope you have a ter-ruff-ic birthday!_ In a speech bubble above.

“Baekhyun was right,” Kyungsoo says, holding the card in his hands. “You are old.” He turns it around. “Dad jokes? Really Jongdae?”

Jongdae pouts. “It’s cute.”

“If Baekhyun laughs at this, you’re destined to be together.” Kyungsoo says wryly, and Jongdae just pouts harder. He sends Jongdae out of the kitchen with one of the messily iced cupcakes and tells him to sign the card, already. Jongdae writes a generic message, and lets Kyungsoo add his own, blinking curiously at the folded piece of paper he tucks into the envelope which he seals, but when he asks what that was, Kyungsoo brushes him off.

“If you’re done around one, let me know” Kyungsoo tells him, as they’re getting dressed. “I can probably come pick you up. I’ll need the excuse to escape. I don’t feel like drinking after last time, and you know how Insung gets…” Kyungsoo pulls a face, Jongdae laughing because for a bunch of old men, they go really, _really_ hard.

“Okay,” Jongdae kisses him quickly. “Have fun, Soo.”

Kyungsoo wishes him the same, and Jongdae has the evening to debate whether to wrap Baekhyun’s present or not (he decides not to) then plenty of time to stare at his wardrobe and wish he had something better fitting to wear. By his mid-twenties Jongdae was ready to prioritise owning anything that was loose and comfortable over looking good, and now he kind of regrets the fact. He does work for a little bit just to kill time before heading out just before ten, to the address Baekhyun had texted him. The bar is cute, unfamiliar to Jongdae, a little out of the way from the apartment building, requiring a train ride. Jongdae has his own car, and he can certainly afford a cab or an uber, but he just… forgets, sometimes, that he can afford minor indulgences like that.

It’s not something he regrets, though. Going through college and living off of cup noodles with a bunch of debt looming over his head taught Jongdae to be frugal and appreciate the little things --sometimes it’s nice to just catch a train with headphones in, and feel like a normal human again. Not someone who is technically wealthy, and married to a celebrity. Jongdae forgets that he isn’t normal, more than he remembers.

Baekhyun and his friends have managed to snag a bunch of tables outside, pushing them all together.

“Hey!” Baekhyun quickly greets, already a little drunk evidently. He stands up and gives Jongdae a hug, a comically large badge that has _BIRTHDAY BOY_ printed across it pinned to his chest, the big number 2 accompanied by a marker-drawn 4. “Up past your bedtime, old man?”

Jongdae rolls his eyes, discreetly tucking the gift bag behind his back. He doesn’t want to give it to Baekhyun quite yet.

“If you want me to leave--” Jongdae starts.

“No,” Baekhyun pouts, insistent, wrapping both his hands around Jongdae’s arm to tug him into an empty seat beside Sehun. “Stay.”

“Sehun has to buy a round of shots anytime somebody asks him for a picture,” a pretty girl Jongdae doesn’t know adds helpfully. “It’s worth sticking around for.”

Jongdae laughs at Sehun’s disgruntled look. “They want me to go bankrupt.” He says dryly.

The pretty girl just snorts. “I’m Yerim, by the way.” She outstretches her hand over Sehun’s chest.

“Oh, right!” Baekhyun squeaks. “Everybody this is Jongdae, my neighbour. Jongdae this is everybody.”

The table laughs at Baekhyun’s lame joke, but Jongdae learns their actual names soon enough, a whole group of young college students that definitely make Jongdae feel old as they complain about classes and assignments. The oldest at the table other than Jongdae is Baekhyun, and it’s something Jongdae feels aware of until he’s having a normal conversation with Sehun about how he went from Instagram famous to actual famous, handling shoots with Louis Vuitton in Paris, and he kind of forgets Sehun is even younger than Baekhyun. They make so many jokes about Jongdae’s age, he’s become self-conscious of it, but at the end of the day, there really isn’t much difference between them at all.

Jongdae insists on buying the birthday boy a few drinks, and they split a pitcher of beer together, getting Jongdae sufficiently tipsy and then some. When Baekhyun has clearly had enough, Jongdae switches to wine for himself, happily listening to a conversation between Yerim and Sooyoung about politics, and then feeling bad because he doesn’t keep up with the news at all. Oops.

Other than discussing global tragedies, Jongdae has a fun time, asking Sehun about his planned vacation to Japan with one of his friends.

“They’re in love with each other,” Baekhyun stage-whispers over the table. “They just can’t admit it.”

“Like you’re one to talk,” Sehun snorts, and Baekhyun just leans over to take Sehun’s wrist and bites it, Sehun as uncaring as usual. Jongdae just watches with a fond expression.

He loses track of time, but as it rounds one o’clock Jongdae feels his stamina draining, and he texts Kyungsoo to see if he’s around, too.

_Ksoo pls come pick me up im surrounded by a bunch of kids with alcohol and it’s scary ;-;_

Kyungsoo’s response is a simple _ಠ_ಠ ._

Jongdae will take that as a yes, he’s coming.

“Going?” Baekhyun asks, licking his lips as Jongdae looks up from his phone, like he just… knows. Jongdae hates it, because Baekhyun wears masks the way people wear underwear everyday, and yet he looks straight through Jongdae like he’s just that easy to read. Maybe he is.

“Yeah,” Jongdae says, standing hesitantly. “Do you want your present now or later at home?”

“Now,” Baekhyun replies instantly, and Jongdae laughs, because he’s like a greedy kid. He still feels weird about gifting it out here when there’s still things he wants to say to Baekhyun, and apparently he can sense that, because he stands and says. “C’mon, I’ll walk you out.”

Jongdae laughs at the familiar line, letting Baekhyun stumble a little on his feet as they walk up the street to the corner, Baekhyun sitting on a nearby bench expectantly.

“Here,” Jongdae holds out the bag, and Baekhyun reaches for it excitedly. For someone who hates a fuss being made of his birthday, he still wants presents. So cute.

Baekhyun pulls the unwrapped Supreme messenger bag out silently, staring at it.

“This one’s from me,” Jongdae swallows thickly. “And the one inside is from Kyungsoo.” Baekhyun pulls out the container of cupcakes, carefully placed so they didn’t get squished, completely silent. It’s beginning to make Jongdae nervous, since Baekhyun always has something to say --maybe he doesn’t like it? “Strawberry is your favourite, right?”

“Jongdae…” Baekhyun says slowly, blinking. Baekhyun wears supreme t-shirts more than he seems to actually sleep, and Jongdae had figured his old messenger bag for uni seemed a little decaying, so… “I can’t accept this, these are so expensive, I--”

Jongdae shrugs easily. “Oh c’mon, you’re the one always teasing me for being rich,” he sits beside Baekhyun and bumps their shoulders together. “It’s your birthday, I’m allowed to get you whatever I want.”

Baekhyun laughs quietly, almost in disbelief, but he doesn’t argue, reaching for the envelope taped to the lid of the plastic container. Jongdae hopes the meaning of the present translates across. He looks at the front of the card with a reluctant snort; Jongdae just grins.

A piece of paper slips out. “Oh, what’s--” Jongdae reaches for it, but Baekhyun pulls it out of reach, holding it to his face so Jongdae can’t see. He frowns. “What is that?” He asks, wriggling around in an attempt to see it clearer.

Baekhyun smiles as he reads. “A permission slip,” he says, and Jongdae’s entire body freezes as Baekhyun just laughs loudly into the night air. “Kyungsoo says you’re an idiot and I should kiss you if I want, an extra gift from him.”

“Oh,” Jongdae squeaks out, pathetically quiet. Baekhyun is looking at him with an unreadable expression, so Jongdae spreads the bars of his little cage and leaps, so sick of yearning to fly but doubting that he can do it. “Kyungsoo ruins all my romantic moments, huh?” Jongdae mockingly sighs, shoulders drooping. “He’s wrong, though. You shouldn’t have to give yourself a gift.”

“Wha--” Baekhyun begins to say, but Jongdae cuts him off by thinking _fuck it_ and kissing him, warm and insistent, but soft, too. Jongdae hasn’t kissed anyone who isn’t Kyungsoo in a long goddamn time, yet it feels so natural to do it, drunk and a little reckless, wanting something he can actually have --the only person stopping him has been Jongdae himself, in hindsight. Baekhyun sighs into the kiss as Jongdae brings a hand up to thread through his hair, and when it turns into a soft bite against Jongdae’s bottom lip, a jolt of electricity travels across his skin.

They pull back for air, eyes still shut, foreheads pressed together. Jongdae clings to Baekhyun like he’s the only source of warmth in a field of ice.

“Was that from you or Kyungsoo?” Baekhyun asks quietly between small pants, eyes cloudy and unreadable as he looks at Jongdae.

Jongdae doesn’t know the answer. “Both?” He offers, swallowing.

Baekhyun leans in again, and Jongdae lets him, taking kiss after kiss and stealing all the air from Jongdae’s lungs with it. Jongdae kisses Kyungsoo all the time, and yet never have they ever felt like this, with so much pent up frustration and hunger involved. It’s both intoxicating, and terrifying, because Jongdae is so worried about getting too addicted to something like this. Not when he already has Kyungsoo.

He pulls back, Baekhyun only surging forward, preventing him, and Jongdae makes a small, pathetic noise, lost in the kisses. No, he needs to stop this-- he felt brave, at first, but now he just feels like he’s made a mistake.

“I--” Jongdae manages, and Baekhyun pauses, watching him, lips slick with spit and still parted. “You should go back inside. Kyungsoo will be waiting for me and I don’t want you to miss your own party.”

Of all his masked expressions, Jongdae hates that this one on Baekhyun is so clear: disappointment.

“Right…” he says shortly, and he looks so lost, Jongdae aches. He wishes he had some sort of comfort or reassurance to offer Baekhyun, but he’s equally as disoriented. His body is hot and wired from Baekhyun’s touch, but his mind and heart are cold from fear of what that means. Baekhyun stands, lips pressed together in a thin line. “Thanks for the gifts Jongdae, I… goodnight.”

Jongdae sighs in frustration as he watches Baekhyun walk away, slapping his own cheek repeatedly. How many times is Jongdae going to fuck this up out of fear?

Kyungsoo’s car pulls up to the curb, and as soon as Jongdae slides into the passenger seat, Kyungsoo’s smile drops and he says, “Okay. What happened?”

Jongdae pulls a face. “I kissed him and ran away.”

Kyungsoo sighs as he shifts the gear stick and pulls out onto the road. “You’re hopeless.” He states. Jongdae just sinks into his seat. Kyungsoo flicks a glance at Jongdae. “I thought a push in the right direction would help, but apparently I have to teach my own husband how to be romantic the whole way through.”

“I can’t help it,” Jongdae whines. “The only person I’ve ever wooed on my life is you!” Jongdae would not call his high school girlfriend sufficiently wooed, although she definitely deserved to be. No wonder Liyin dumped him.

“How I fell for you is a mystery,” Kyungsoo remarks dryly, then, he just laughs.

Jongdae stirs upright. “What?”

“I just can’t believe we’re having this conversation,” Kyungsoo says, grinning.

Jongdae can’t help but match his bewildered smile. “I know,” he agrees. “Neither can I.” They’re having a conversation about Jongdae attempting to see somebody else and it’s... Fine?

“So why’d you run away?” Kyungsoo finally prods, wheel slipping through his palms smoothly as the car turns.

Jongdae shifts in his seat. “I-- I just... I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

Kyungsoo’s eyebrows furrow together. “What?” He gives Jongdae a skewed glance. “You were making out with somebody else and thinking about me?”

Jongdae nods, oddly guilty. “I don’t know…” he starts. “I’m just so scared of this. What if I leave you behind, or neglect you, or--”

Kyungsoo pulls over suddenly in to an empty lot, shocking Jongdae. “Jongdae.” He says sternly as he pushes the hand break down, taking Jongdae’s face in his hands and forcing him into making eye contact. “You’re an idiot.”

Jongdae snorts, despite himself.

“Don’t you think the fact that you worry about this so much proves you won’t do it?” One of Kyungsoo’s hands slips down to hold Jongdae’s. “If you were going to leave me for somebody else, you would have. I trust you, Jongdae, so why won’t you trust yourself?”

Jongdae squeezes his eyes shut, and exhales. “Maybe you’re right.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I guess I owe Baekhyun another apology.” He laughs nervously.

“I just can’t believe you chickened out,” Kyungsoo comments dryly. “Was he not a good kisser or something?”

Jongdae’s eyes snap open. “What?”

“Was he a good kisser?” Kyungsoo clarifies. “I’m curious. You haven’t kissed anyone who isn’t me in a long time.”

Jongdae relives the memory of Baekhyun warm and insistent in front of him, his tongue in Jongdae’s mouth. He shudders, blood pulsing at the memory.

Kyungsoo’s eyes darken immediately, tipping his head to the side curiously at Jongdae’s reaction.

“Yeah,” Jongdae says, shifting on his seat as he becomes increasingly aware of the twitch between his thighs. “Yeah, he was good.”

“And you still stopped?” Kyungsoo asks, voice deep. Jongdae inhales sharply at the sound of it, skin prickling under the weight of Kyungsoo’s heavy gaze. “When he got you so worked up?”

At that, his hand smooths along Jongdae’s thigh, dipping inside and pressing against his dick, which throbs suddenly at the pressure, still wired up from Baekhyun’s kisses. God, it’s clearly been too long if Jongdae is this sensitive.

Kyungsoo palms Jongdae again, just to watch the way his hips twitch as he tips his head back to moan. Jongdae curls his fingers around Kyungsoo’s wrist.

“Kyungsoo,” he says, breathing harsh. It’s a plea, but it’s also a warning, telling Kyungsoo not to start something he can’t finish.

Kyungsoo looks impossibly hungry, and impossibly careless.

“Show me how he kissed you,” Kyungsoo demands, and Jongdae obliges without a single thought otherwise, leaning across the console to pull Kyungsoo in closer, hungry. These aren’t their sweet, directionless kisses, rather there is no love behind these, only a desperate urge to consume.

Jongdae wraps a hand around the back of Kyungsoo’s neck to pull him closer, and Kyungsoo obliges easily, a fist in Jongdae’s shirt to leverage him over the console. It’s clumsy, and the space is too small, and Jongdae bumps the horn on his way over, laughing against Kyungsoo’s mouth, and not caring in the slightest. Jesus Christ, they’re having public sex in Kyungsoo’s car in the middle of nowhere for the first time in months, and Jongdae couldn’t give less of a shit.

“What are we doing?” Kyungsoo breathes out, baring his throat as he tips his head back, hips rolling, and Jongdae takes the opportunity to nip at his open neck, unbuttoning Kyungsoo’s shirt one by one, and moving to his clavicle, sucking beneath Kyungsoo’s earlobe in a way he knows will make him shudder.

“Don’t know,” Jongdae replies, panting. “Don’t care.”

“Jongdae,” Kyungsoo says, hips stuttering again beneath where Jongdae is straddling him, and he can’t fucking take it anymore. Jongdae doesn’t need foreplay with Kyungsoo when they haven’t had sex in months, he needs to have fucking _sex_ , funnily enough.

Jongdae reaches into the gap between the seat and the car door, fumbling for the adjustment lever blindly. He finds it, and in one swift motion kicks Kyungsoo’s seat as far back as it will go, so Jongdae has room to kneel at his feet.

It’s a tight fit, but Jongdae couldn’t care less, unbuttoning Kyungsoo’s pants and tugging down his fly. Kyungsoo’s hands are in his hair, and Jongdae looks up at him, relishing in the attention, in Kyungsoo’s laboured breaths and dark eyes. Fuck, Jongdae feels like a starving man born to only eat Kyungsoo, and he presses his tongue against his half-hard dick in his underwear to prove it, Kyungsoo moaning in turn, his hand pressing against the fogged, tinted window.

“Been too long,” Kyungsoo says, nails raking against Jongdae’s scalp, who replies by pulling Kyungsoo’s dick out of his underwear and licking along its length, keeping it pressed at the tip, and making sure he maintains eye contact with Kyungsoo the whole time as Jongdae slowly wraps his lips around the head and sucks. The little insistent press Kyungsoo can’t help but give in hopes to push Jongdae down further causes Jongdae to laugh through his nose, lip corners curling the the best of their ability as he pulls his mouth back and goes back to giving tiny licks.

“Tease,” Kyungsoo breathes out, laughing breathily.

“Don’t tell me you forgot,” Jongdae murmurs, jacking his hand up and down Kyungsoo’s dick as he talks. His smile widens. “Do I need to spend more time reminding you?”

“Jongdae,” Kyungsoo replies darkly. “Suck me off before I divorce you.”

Jongdae snorts, despite himself. “Always so persuasive.”

It may have been months, but Jongdae knows how to suck Kyungsoo off the same way he knows how to breathe, taking him in deeper than his gag reflex would prefer in his eagerness, eyes watering as he focuses on breathing out through his nose while Kyungsoo strokes the nape of his neck encouragingly. Jongdae pulls off to lick along the underside when his jaw hurts too much, and pushes himself up to kiss Kyungsoo, wet and filthy, too much tongue and too much teeth and so much fucking hunger. Everything is so hot, and Jongdae feels like his body is filled with breaking circuit boards, because even when he and Kyungsoo were having sex before, it didn’t feel anything like this. Jongdae grips Kyungsoo’s face in one hand desperately as they kiss with an amount of passion Jongdae feels like he hasn’t experienced in years, while the other jerks him off, just the way Kyungsoo likes it with a thumb under the head, rough and fast.

“Jongdae--” Kyungsoo breathes out between kisses, a warning, but Jongdae knows, knows how to destroy Kyungsoo, knows how to devour him, knows every telltale sign and every twitching giveaway even with his eyes closed, knows the familiar warmth of precum pooled on his palm --which is exactly why Jongdae pulls away from the kiss, drops down to his knees, and lets Kyungsoo come in his mouth.

Kyungsoo groans through it like his body is almost in pain with how hard he comes, one hand digging nails into Jongdae’s scalp, the other gripping his shoulder. Jongdae swallows all of what Kyungsoo has to give, every noise and every kiss and every inch of skin, and when his mouth is full of come he swallows half of it, and forces Kyungsoo to taste the rest, who moans into the kiss, licking into Jongdae’s mouth as if to thoroughly clean it of every trace.

“Please,” Jongdae whines, pulls Kyungsoo’s hand into his own and presses it against his dick. “God, Kyungsoo, please, I-- I need--”

“I know,” he reassures, slips a hand under Jongdae’s waistband and rubs his dick with a dry palm. “I’ve left you alone for too long.”

And Jongdae sobs, once, dryly, because he can’t help it, quivering in Kyungsoo’s lap at his touch and needing more… so much more… the car is too hot and Jongdae’s body is on fire, fully hard from sucking Kyungsoo off alone, his singular need to come overwhelming any human urge to drag sex out, to enjoy it. Jongdae doesn’t even let Kyungsoo rearrange their position, just lets him spit into his palm and keep jerking Jongdae off as his hips roll, fucking into the tight ring of Kyungsoo’s fingers, needy and pathetic in a way Jongdae hasn’t experienced before. As he feels himself getting closer, he kisses Kyungsoo, moans into his mouth, dips his hand underneath the back collar of his shirt and leaves scratch marks between his shoulder blades.

“Please Kyungsoo,” Jongdae tries again, panting. His body has been coiled so tightly for so long, Jongdae has forgotten how to let go. “I’m so close I’m-- ah--”

“Come, then,” Kyungsoo demands, and Jongdae does, kissing Kyungsoo messily as he rides it out, only to watch the way Kyungsoo raises up his come-covered hand and licks part of it off, then presses his fingers past Jongdae’s lips and makes him do much the same. It tastes disgusting, as per usual, but Jongdae still moans around Kyungsoo’s fingers as if he’d rather they were replaced with a different body part. Their heated kiss dwindles down as their energy fizzles out, kisses turning slow and lazy, missing lips in some instances and giggling when their noses brush. After a good half an hour of just making out in a way they haven't in years, hunched over Kyungsoo in the front seat of a car, Jongdae decides he’s had enough.

Sufficiently drained, Jongdae fumbles back onto the passenger seat, gasping for breath and staring at the car roof. He bumps the horn again on his way back, but doesn’t care. It doesn’t even occur to him that they’ve just had public sex until he inwardly thanks god for tinted windows.

“Did.” Jongdae starts, still trying to get air into his lungs. “Did we just...?”

Kyungsoo stares at the ceiling with a vacant expression, hair mussed, shirt covered in a little come his hand had missed. “... Yep.”

“... Huh.” Is all Jongdae can manage lamely, swallowing. “We need to talk about this.”

“Yep.” Kyungsoo agrees.

“Like, as soon as we’re home,” Jongdae elaborates.

“... Of course.”

After a silent, incredibly tense car ride, with both their minds travelling at a hundred miles per hour and yet nowhere at all, Jongdae and Kyungsoo finally make it home.

Only for Kyungsoo to shut the door by slamming Jongdae up against it, and fucking Jongdae into the couch until he cries.

They’ll talk about it, really. Just… not this round. Or the one after that. Or the one after that.


	4. Chapter 4

Jongdae wakes up in the morning with aching joints and sticky skin, finally feeling old as he tries to move and everything distinctly hurts, groaning in pain.

Kyungsoo just laughs as he stirs awake, rubbing at his eyes and fumbling for his glasses on the bedside table. “Good morning,” he greets, almost shy.

“Morning,” Jongdae returns, as he greedily pushes forward to kiss Kyungsoo, who moans into it as Jongdae skips any innocent pretenses, still fueled from last night’s lust. Kyungsoo pushes him back with a grimace.

“You still taste like come,” he says, blanching.

“I know!!” Jongdae says excitedly. “For the first time in months!!!!”

Kyungsoo just laughs as he shakes his head, swinging his legs off the side of the bed and stretching, the sheet slipping off his body and revealing all his naked skin, still covered in bite marks from Jongdae’s mouth. The sight makes arousal flush through Jongdae immediately, possessive --when was the last time they’d even slept naked together, let alone after sex? Unable to help himself, he presses his bare chest to Kyungsoo’s back, kissing his neck.

“Jongdae…” Kyungsoo lazily hums, a hand hooking up to tug at Jongdae’s hair encouragingly as he continues sucking at Kyungsoo’s neck, right hand snaking in front of Kyungsoo’s body to jerk him off, slow and teasing. Kyungsoo’s hips buck up into Jongdae’s hand, demanding, “Faster,” and Jongdae is all too happy to oblige, biting just beneath Kyungsoo’s earlobe as he comes with a soft sigh, a pathetic dribble of next to nothing considering how much had been wrung out last night.

“I’ve missed this,” Jongdae says softly, pressing a kiss to Kyungsoo’s shoulder blade as he debates what to do with the cum on his fingers. “A lot.”

Kyungsoo nods slowly in agreement, leaning forward to grab a tissue and then cleaning Jongdae’s fingers for him. Jongdae’s heart swells in his chest. Kyungsoo is so gentle and attentive as he wipes off each individual finger, then the palm, even with something as ridiculous as this, kissing Jongdae’s knuckles before letting his hand go.

Jongdae is pleasantly turned on, but not enough to warrant attention, really. “What changed?” He asks quietly, a mumble against Kyungsoo’s skin, because they need to talk about it; they have to.

“I don’t know…” Kyungsoo replies, turning so that he’s sitting on the mattress cross-legged, covering his lower half with a sheet. Watching the way the white contrasts across his brown skin as it curls around his body just makes Jongdae’s mouth water, but he pushes the urge down. Jongdae mirrors his position, hands meeting Kyungsoo’s between their folded legs and fiddling with his fingers.

“I can’t…” Jongdae trails off, frowning. “I can’t kiss Baekhyun and come crawling back to you anytime we want to have sex, you do realise.”

Kyungsoo winces. “Of course, it wasn’t--” he clears his throat, still a little dry and raw. “Ugh.” He rubs his temple. “You were just so evidently turned on in a way I hadn’t seen from you in months, and the idea of you kissing him really…”

“Is…” Jongdae starts, unsure of himself. “... Is that why you encouraged--”

“Oh _god_ no,” Kyungsoo quickly says, appalled at the thought. “I hadn’t even thought about it until last night when you said you’d kissed. I didn’t expect the reality of it to affect me so much.” He scratches behind his ear. “It was like suddenly realising I’d had an empty stomach for months, and the only thing that could fill it was you.”

Jongdae shudders a little, then furrows his eyebrows, trying to make sense of this. “So… what? You’re like… into voyeurism, or something?”

Kyungsoo wrinkles his nose. “I don’t… think so?” At least they’re both as lost. Jongdae tugs at Kyungsoo’s ring finger in thought. “It’s more like… seeing you being able to get so worked up over somebody else reminded me that we were actually capable of doing that to each other, once upon a time. Remembering something I’d forgotten. I don’t think I’ve made you feel like that in a long time.”

So it wasn’t angry jealousy or some kinky thing entirely, then. Jongdae relaxes; that’s a relief. But it still doesn’t feel like it makes complete sense.

“Soo,” Jongdae says lightly, intertwining their fingers together. He takes in his husband’s hunched shoulders, downcast gaze, overall nervousness. “What’s bothering you?”

Weeks ago, maybe, Jongdae wouldn’t have pushed, would have let Kyungsoo stay withdrawn and leave him be. He almost lets himself be surprised at the difference, but then Kyungsoo opens his mouth to speak, and Jongdae’s thoughts turn mute.

“I… just…. thought…” he begins, doing that little thing Jongdae has watched him do in countless interviews, struggle to find the words he wants in such impromptu notice. “Maybe if… you can’t do things with Baekhyun without me there, maybe I should be.”

Jongdae stares, blinking once, twice.

“You want to have a threesome?” He blurts.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo complains, poking Jongdae’s stomach. “Don’t make it sound so crude.”

“But it is that crude!” Jongdae whines, yelping when Kyungsoo pokes him again. Maybe Baekhyun was right, they really are so vanilla. Jongdae rubs his reddening stomach as he regards Kyungsoo carefully. “Do you… Baekhyun…?” Is that what this is about?

Kyungsoo pulls a face, then sighs. “He is… attractive.”

“God,” Jongdae groans. “I know right?”

“Picturing him kissing you made me realise that, but he’s also hideously endearing,” Kyungsoo continues with a look of disgust, Jongdae’s mouth stretching into a grin. “Even if that stupid mouth of his doesn’t stop moving.”

“He’s the worst!” Jongdae adds, smile widening at Kyungsoo’s soft laugh, a little hesitant.

“You’re not weirded out?” He asks quietly, doubt creeping across his skin.

Jongdae purses his lips, considering. “Honestly?” He says rhetorically. “I think this is a better outcome, somehow. Don’t you remember my vows?” Kyungsoo’s ears flush pink. “I promised to share everything with you.” Every high and every low, every smile and frown, Jongdae had promised to be there for every single one. “I think, even with this it… might be better for me?” And his copious amount of fears and insecurities. “If I’m not alone in this, you know?”

Kyungsoo nods, shoulders relaxing. Jongdae swallows before gathering his courage.

“So do you… want to date him too?” His mouth twists. “Or just sex…?”

“Maybe?” Kyungsoo offers. “I wouldn’t-- I’m not opposed to it…” He scratches behind his ear. “I don’t know, I certainly don’t like him as much as you do--” Jongdae squints; was that a jab? “--but I’m not? Entirely against exploring us further. I guess it’s up to Baekhyun; I’m willing to try if he is.”

Jongdae pales at the sudden realisation of how that conversation is going to go.

Yikes.

  
  
  


 

 

 

Jongdae texts Baekhyun a quick _can we talk?_ On monday, only to receive no response.

Which is fair, in hindsight. Jongdae has kind of been a dick.

He knocks on Baekhyun’s door the next day, gets no answer. Calls his phone, leaves a message, nothing. By the end of the week at this stage Jongdae is half worried, half a little pissed off.

Fortunately for Jongdae, and unfortunately for Baekhyun, they do inhabit the same general area, so it’s inevitable for the elevator to stop on the ground floor after Jongdae gets on from the parking lot one day, only for Baekhyun to stare at Jongdae flatly as the doors open.

“I’ll take the stairs,” he says shortly, spinning on his heel. Jongdae follows him immediately, elevator doors sliding shut dejectedly behind him.

“Baekhyun, wait--” he says, refusing to let the door to the stairwell slam shut as he paces after Baekhyun. “--Stop ignoring me.”

Baekhyun takes the steps two at a time. “I’m not ignoring you, can’t you just take a hint!?” The way his words are spaced out to deal with climbing the stairs at the same time is kind of comical, Jongdae struggling to match pace. “First you lead me on for months, then say you’re married, meanwhile your husband is encouraging me to kiss you, only for you to run away when I do.” His voice has steadily risen in pitch as he loses air, ending the sentence in a slight squeak, panting as he continues climbing stairs, refusing to look back at Jongdae, jaw-locked. “I’m not-- some toy you can play with to make your marriage interesting or something okay I am! Sick of it!”

“Baekhyun--” Jongdae tries, to no success.

“And it kind of fucking sucks because you don’t know how to quit well guess what!”

“Would you just--” Jongdae grunts.

“I don’t want your apologies or excuses I just want you to--” Infuriated by Baekhyun’s stubbornness, Jongdae sprints up the stairs suddenly, pinning Baekhyun against the railing so that he sways slightly over the edge and kissing him. It makes him stop talking, at least, as he melts into the kiss a little before remembering where they are.

“Fuck you,” Baekhyun spits, after regaining his thoughts, pushing Jongdae back so that he stumbles down a few steps. “I’m mad at you. Don’t kiss me.”

“I needed to shut you up,” Jongdae clarifies, watching the way Baekhyun has stilled somewhat, at least, like his lips are tingling as much as Jongdae’s, unable to form words. Jongdae sighs. “Can’t you hear me out? It’s not what you think.”

Baekhyun opens his mouth, and Jongdae promptly clamps a hand over it, forcing him to shut up for once in his life. It’s not a kiss this time, so Baekhyun looks less disgruntled about it, but his eyes still narrow over the tops of Jongdae’s palm.

“Just-- understand this from my point of view, okay?” Jongdae tries, withering somewhat, under Baekhyun’s glare, but holding out all the same. He inhales slowly. “I like you,” he states. “I like you so fucking much, Baekhyun. I like you so much that when I’m with you I forget about Kyungsoo, and it’s fucking scary.” Baekhyun softens, somewhat, at the confirmation of Jongdae’s feelings. “Because I love Kyungsoo, and I’m so scared of neglecting him, or making him jealous, or leaving him behind, meanwhile he’s out here supporting me and telling me to go for it with you, because he knows how happy you make me. He’s amazing, and I don’t want to abuse the trust he gives me.” Jongdae is shaking, if only slightly, surprised by the words coming out of his mouth himself. “Redefining your marriage, your relationship, with someone you love so much, breaking out of everything you know for something new and unknown but exciting, that’s-- that’s scary, Hyunnie. So I’m sorry that I’m a coward, and I keep running away from this, but I can’t help it.” His hand falls off of Baekhyun’s mouth to his shoulder as he squeezes his eyes shut. “I just. I needed a lot of time, and a lot of talking to Kyungsoo--” Jongdae laughs shakily. “--to work this out. And I’m sorry that in the process you got hurt but. I’m trying, okay? I really am.” He squeezes Baekhyun’s shoulder gently. “I don’t want to give you up. I just want you in a way that works.”

Baekhyun is quiet, staring at Jongdae. The halogen lights flicker. “You really like me?” He asks quietly, like _that’s_ all he’s taken away from Jongdae’s award-winning monologue.

“Yes...?” Jongdae replies, confused, because isn’t it obvious?

Baekhyun swallows. “I don’t-- I couldn’t tell, you know, if you liked me or if I was just…” he trails off, but Jongdae knows his fears, because he’s had the exact same kind. That maybe Baekhyun was a distraction, an escape from his marriage, a spark to his sex life. That Jongdae was just that much of a manipulative asshole. Jongdae laughs dryly through his nose --in hindsight, all this feelings business definitely happened at an inconvenient period. Baekhyun sighs. “It was confusing for me, okay. Kyungsoo definitely said you guys were open and he was okay with us, but then you were so--”

“We’re not.” Jongdae cuts in, causing Baekhyun to blink, a little dumbfounded. “Open, I mean. We… we’re something that’s not closed but. It’s just you.” Jongdae chuckles, uneasy. “I guess I just... Need you to comprehend how new this is.”

Baekhyun looks pale with the weight of it. “Oh I get it,” he says, nothing much more than a squeak. “So you… what? Want to… date me? Like I’m a regular boyfriend while you have a husband on the side?” Baekhyun says it so easily, with no hesitation, like this is such a normal concept to him. Maybe it is --Jongdae wouldn’t know, even coming to terms with the fact that he liked men as a teenager took… a very long amount of time. He struggles to break the cage in his head, sometimes, but Baekhyun is the sort of person who was born to be free.

Jongdae smiles lopsidedly. “About that.”

  
  
  
  


 

 

It takes a little coaxing on Jongdae’s part to convince Baekhyun into coming back to their apartment to talk with Kyungsoo about it, because it’s kind of been the fatal flaw in all of this, Jongdae decides. They’ve been treating this as if it only concerns Jongdae and Baekhyun, but it involves Kyungsoo too, not only because Jongdae struggles to exclude him, but because of Kyungsoo's… interest, in Baekhyun, so to speak --if they can even call it that-- and his willingness to involve himself if it means Jongdae will be more comfortable.

God Jongdae loves Kyungsoo.

Baekhyun looks so small and terrified as he crosses the threshold into Kyungsoo and Jongdae’s apartment, like a mouse creeping through a lion’s den. He grips the messenger bag Jongdae had gifted him with white-knuckles, and Jongdae tries not to focus on the fluttering in his chest that Baekhyun had used his gift even while ignoring him; there are more important things to worry about.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo greets immediately. “How was--” he stops short in his tracks as Baekhyun comes into view, shuffling on his feet. Kyungsoo blinks. “Baekhyun.” He says, surprised, then smiles. “Hi.”

“Hello…” Baekhyun greets timidly, casting Jongdae a worried look, then regarding Kyungsoo with an unreadable expression before tearing away. They stand in silence for a few moments. “This is fucking awkward.”

“Bound to happen, considering our circumstances,” Kyungsoo offers, laughing lightly. His ears are red. “How were the cupcakes?”

“Delicious,” Baekhyun answers disinterestedly, gaze refusing to look at Kyungsoo, travelling around the apartment instead as he dumps his bag on the floor and heads to the couch. “I think I ate all of them in an hour.”

“That’s good, it was a new recipe,” Kyungsoo tracks Baekhyun’s movements carefully. “I’ll have to make them again sometime.”

Finally, Baekhyun lets his eyes land on Kyungsoo. “Are we really having smalltalk right now?” He asks, snappy.

Kyungsoo is indifferent to his sour attitude, which is more than what can be said for Jongdae, who prickles at it, like he wants to scold Baekhyun for being rude to his husband. Ridiculous.

“Is there something you’d rather talk about?” Kyungsoo tilts his head, cold, calm. He’s so much better at dealing with Baekhyun than Jongdae is, what the hell.

Baekhyun purses his lips. “Maybe something about the fact that your husband seems to have feelings for me but has just been a complete and total mess about it?” He says bitterly. “Something along those lines?”

“I’m right here,” Jongdae whines, a little hurt. Baekhyun at least looks a little regretful, but it doesn’t make the blow sting any less. This anger and attitude from Baekhyun, it’s as much a mask as the rest, used to hide his vulnerability beneath it. He’s just as confused and lost as Jongdae is, it pays to remember, the only thing is that Baekhyun lashes out in defense, whereas Jongdae tends to run away.

Huh.

“Can you blame him?” Kyungsoo continues, asking Baekhyun, as if Jongdae really isn’t there anymore. “He’s hopeless.”

“He’s in love with you,” Baekhyun corrects. “And love makes people stupid.” Kyungsoo’s lips twitch into a smile at that, and Baekhyun seems to relax, somewhat, spikes retracting gently. He droops, like a wilted flower. “Why am I here, Kyungsoo?” Baekhyun rubs at his own shoulder, arm across his chest, like he’s protecting his heart. “If you guys are still working it out then… that’s okay. I can wait, and if you want to lay down some ground rules or shut me down or something then fine, just rip off the bandaid would you?” Baekhyun looks so scared beneath false bravado, Jongdae’s heart aches. “But I’m not going to sit here and talk circles around whatever it is you’re trying to muster up the courage to say.”

Baekhyun is so straightforward, he’s kind of the perfect match to Kyungsoo’s delicacy, and Jongdae’s general haphazardness. Jongdae smiles despite himself.

“Okay,” Kyungsoo says calmly. “If you say so.” His eyes look amused, at least, despite his blank expression. “I don’t want you to see Jongdae.” Baekhyun pales immediately, eyes widening as his composure cracks, mask revealing the vulnerabilities beneath --Jongdae merely sighs; Kyungsoo can be so cruel, sometimes. “I want you to see both of us.”

Baekhyun’s face hardens up again, and he stares. “What.”  

“We want you to date both of us,” Jongdae pipes in, Baekhyun’s expression void and not… unreadable, per se, more so a mix of so many emotions it’s impossible to make sense of them all.

“You--” Baekhyun turns to Kyungsoo, pointing. “You.” His finger slowly points at himself, voice not much more than a squeak. “...Me?”

Jongdae hides his laugh by coughing behind his palm, Baekhyun is ridiculously cute, and judging by Kyungsoo’s endeared smile, he’s having the same thought process.

“Yes,” Kyungsoo answers. “I want to get to know you better.” Kyungsoo starts wringing his wrists a little, giving away his own nervousness. As an actor he’s pretty good at keeping a straight face most of the time, but he can’t always be on the clock. “Is that… okay?”

“You don’t have to agree,” Jongdae quickly blurts. “Obviously.”

“If you just want to see Jongdae that’s fine too,” Kyungsoo reassures, and Jongdae swallows because he’s not sure if it will be. It will take a long fucking time for Jongdae to come around to the idea of dating Baekhyun without Kyungsoo’s participation helping to balance out his guilt, plus, if Kyungsoo is already beginning to have feelings for Baekhyun, then won’t it just get worse…? Jongdae isn’t sure if he himself can agree to that arrangement, although he doesn’t know. It depends on Baekhyun’s answer.

“You… what? Want to have a threesome but like? Romantically?” Baekhyun looks a little confused

Jongdae and Kyungsoo exchange a look. “That’s one way of putting it,” Kyungsoo remarks dryly.

Baekhyun palms his forehead as he tips his head over the back of the couch. “This is a lot to process.” Jongdae opens his mouth, but Baekhyun holds his other hand out, silencing him. “That’s not a no, though, I think I just need time to consider it.” He slowly sits up straight again, frowning at the air. With Kyungsoo and Jongdae still standing, it does feel a little bit like an interrogation. “I-- wouldn’t it be weird? Me getting in the way of a married couple?” He shifts then, curling in on himself. “I don’t want to get between you.”

“You wouldn’t,” Jongdae replies immediately. “I mean-- honestly, Baekhyun, you’ll probably only help bring us closer.” He has already thus far, not that Jongdae wants to say that. Baekhyun doesn’t need the ego boost of knowing how much he and Kyungsoo talk about him. “This is… weird, weird and unconventional and foreign for all of us but it’s…” Jongdae trails off, frowning. “... it’s something we want to try.”

Baekhyun looks at Jongdae, searching his face. Jongdae hopes he finds what he wants. “Why?” Baekhyun asks quietly, looking between Jongdae and Kyungsoo like he can’t decide who he’s asking this to. “Why all this? Just for me?”

And that, well, that Jongdae would recognise anywhere, the self-loathing and insignificance. He’d had a heavy period of it while he and Kyungsoo had their rough patch, but seeing Baekhyun open like this makes Jongdae realise that that’s probably what he’s hiding beneath all those masks, the assumption that he’s not good enough, that he’s unworthy of.... Anything, really. Jongdae had seen it when he gave Baekhyun his time, his laughter, his birthday gift; each and every single instance Baekhyun had this look on his face, like he couldn’t believe someone out there thought he was worth anything at all.

And that makes Jongdae’s heart ache.

“Because you’re wonderful,” Jongdae says surely, and the words turn Baekhyun’s neck red. “And having you around-- well,” he laughs nervously. “--it just makes everything a bit brighter, you know? You fit with us well, Baekhyun. That’s never happened before.” Not only because Jongdae and Kyungsoo compartmentalise their life for the sake of fame and fortune, but also just because they’ve been dating for ten years and married for three, it’s not like they’ve ever had one person who can be with them both, like Baekhyun can, pushing himself into their life seamlessly, melding to fit their shape. “It’s a new experience for all of us but,” Jongdae looks at Kyungsoo. “We kind of want to see where it goes?”

Baekhyun swallows. “So would I… date you separately, or together?”

“I imagine… both?” Kyungsoo offers. “We can start together until we’re on equal footing, and then--”

“But you guys are _married_ ,” Baekhyun cuts in, crestfallen, as if Jongdae and Kyungsoo have forgotten the fact. “I don’t want to third wheel your dates.”

Jongdae quickly shakes his head. “Don’t think of it like that,” he suggests. “It’s a new start for all of us, okay?”

Baekhyun seems unconvinced. “How would this even work?” He asks quietly. “Am I just meant to get my heart broken times two? Or are we going to grow old together explaining our weird romantic threesome to every person we meet? What if only half of us break up? Or what if we have a terrible falling out and I’m still your neighbour and--”

“Oh my _god,_ ” Kyungsoo remarks, cutting Baekhyun off. “How can you live life if you’re expecting every wrong thing in the world to happen?” Jongdae has rarely ever seen Kyungsoo so… animated before, so desperate to change Baekhyun’s mind. “The consequences are as real for us as they are for you, Baekhyun, but we’re willing to try because… because the reward could be worth it. How would you know if it will all go down in flames if you haven’t even tried?”

Commitment-phobic millennial indeed. Baekhyun looks away guiltily, then stands.

“I need to think about this,” he states. “Like. A lot.” He meets their eyes. “I’m glad we finally talked about it but I-- I can’t give you an answer on the spot. Not when so much of this is confusing.”

Kyungsoo relaxes somewhat, nodding slowly. “Okay,” he agrees. “Take as much time as you need.”

“If you need to talk about it more, you know where we are,” Jongdae adds, and Baekhyun just mumbles _yeah_ in shaky agreement before skittering out of the apartment, door slamming shut behind him. Jongdae and Kyungsoo exhale in unison, then exchange hesitant smiles as they make eye-contact. Now, the decisions are off their shoulders, and it’s up to Baekhyun to make the choice.

  
  
  
  
  


 

Kyungsoo is quiet as he fiddles with a pot on the stove, Jongdae chopping silently beside him, both lost in thought.

“What if he says no?” Kyungsoo blurts suddenly, Jongdae’s movements slowing until he stops, staring at his nervous husband who’s chewing on his cheek. He doesn’t need to provide context, Jongdae knows exactly what he’s talking about, even hours after the fact. “What will we do then?”

“I don’t think he’ll say no,” Jongdae reassures, although he can’t be sure, it’s not his job to add to Kyungsoo’s nerves. “And if he does, we’ll work something out, Soo. We always do.”

Kyungsoo sighs, relaxing into the touch as Jongdae shifts to massage his shoulders. “I’m panicking, aren’t I?” Jongdae stays silent in lieu of an answer. “I haven’t felt this nervous since…”

“Since?” Jongdae encourages.

“Since our first date,” Kyungsoo reveals, scratching behind his now-pink ears. “I was so worried I’d mess everything up and never get a real chance with you.”

Jongdae blinks, surprised. “Really?” He says, smile growing. He was so sure _he_ was the one that was fucking up all the time, just lucky to even get a minute of Kyungsoo’s time.

Kyungsoo nods. “I’m bad with crushes,” he admits. “I fall into them way too fast and then I get obsessive. I’m pretty sure I had a twenty year plan with you in my head before you’d even given me your name.”

Jongdae laughs, surprised to hear this. He had no idea, Kyungsoo is always so composed, it’s so nice to see this different side to him. “Well good, because we need to schedule out the next decade so I know where my free time is,” Jongdae jokes, and Kyungsoo relaxes somewhat, grateful that Jongdae has accepted this side to him --as if he ever wouldn’t.

“Right,” Kyungsoo says dryly, bumping their hips together. “I think we’re a few years behind, honestly. Pretty sure we had a dog by now.”

“Hmm well, maybe now that you’ve got a break from work--” Jongdae wraps his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist and kisses his neck. “--That can be arranged--”

They’re cut off by a sharp knock at the door, causing them both to freeze in place. Only one person in the world ever knocks when they have a buzzer system and a doorman, which has Kyungsoo casting Jongdae a worried look before heading towards the door, Jongdae following shortly behind.

“Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo starts as it swings open. “Are you--”

Baekhyun surges forward and kisses Kyungsoo, gripping his face between his two hands as Kyungsoo lets out a muffled noise of surprise and Jongdae just watches with his jaw dropped, unable to process the picture of his husband kissing his… crush? Potential-boyfriend?

It’s fucking hot, truth be told, especially as Kyungsoo just comes to terms with it and returns the kiss and Baekhyun moans against his mouth, pleasantly surprised. He pulls back with a gasp and a wet noise between them.

“Okay,” Baekhyun says, letting go of Kyungsoo altogether who just stands there unmoving, blinking at him, dazed. “I’m here and I’m still making a decision, but I want you to both wine and dine me and then I’ll decide.”

“Now?” Jongdae asks, frantic, as Baekhyun kicks off his shoes.

“Yes, now,” Baekhyun demands, heading into the living room as Jongdae just looks between him and Kyungsoo, even as Baekhyun walks past.

“I think you broke him,” Jongdae tells Baekhyun, waving a hand in front of Kyungsoo’s face, who doesn’t respond to the stimulus.

Baekhyun just snorts. “Good,” he says. “That’s payback.”

Jongdae drags Kyungsoo into the living room as his soul returns to his body, only to see Baekhyun in the kitchen, opening various pantry doors.

“C’mon you guys are old and rich,” he says. “Where do you keep the wine rack? You must have one. I’m too sober for this.”

“Hallway cupboard,” Jongdae calls out, and Baekhyun disappears obediently, returning with three bottles of red wine in his hands. Well. Alrighty then.

It’s not the expensive stuff, though, so Jongdae doesn’t complain as he watches Baekhyun pour into one glass and drink all of it in one go as if it’s water and he’s just wandered through a desert. Once that’s done, he pours another, but doesn’t drink from it thankfully, just cradles it against his chest.

“Much better,” Baekhyun gives an insincere smile as he sits at the kitchen counter, taking an inconspicuous sip. He pulls a slight grimace at the taste, but doesn’t say anything.

“Is this… a date, then?” Kyungsoo asks slowly, apparently back in the world of the living. Baekhyun shrugs stiffly as he watches Kyungsoo return to his cooking as if nothing has changed.

“Consider it a trial,” he clarifies, twiddling his wine glass by the stem. Jongdae just pulls out another two, figuring he and Kyungsoo are going to need it. “I can’t make up my mind not knowing how it is in practice, and I also apparently can’t focus on fucking anything else, so we’ll do this as a test run, and then I can make a decision and live in peace.”

Jongdae laughs, Baekhyun softening somewhat. The wine matches his hair.

“And the kiss?” Kyungsoo asks pointedly.

“Well, I hadn’t kissed you yet,” Baekhyun explains. “Seemed fair.”

Kyungsoo’s mouth twists, but he doesn’t have a retort for that, evidently.

It’s fucking awkward, that’s what Jongdae thinks as he continues helping Kyungsoo make dinner and they all wait in silence; Baekhyun watching impassively from across the counter, Kyungsoo staring at the pot on the stove like it holds all the secrets to the universe. Jongdae is so aware of Baekhyun’s presence it makes all his movements, stiff, too aware, his usual touchiness with Kyungsoo held back as Jongdae makes sure he remains in his spot, almost afraid of touching Kyungsoo in front of Baekhyun, like it might mean something he doesn’t want it to.

Jongdae sighs suddenly. “This is fucking awkward.” What an odd sense of deja-vu.

“Yep,” Baekhyun takes another mouthful of wine. “Not exactly a convincing first date.” He wrinkles his nose at his glass. “I’d suggest drinking more alcohol.”

He’s not wrong. Jongdae reaches for his glass and skulls, hoping it might help loosen him up. Kyungsoo quietly does the same, and like that, Baekhyun laughs, delighted, and the atmosphere lessens, bit by bit.

“This is so crazy,” Baekhyun remarks, shaking his head, but at least he's smiling. “Like, I’m really having a threeway date with my married neighbours. What the fuck.”

“What the fuck indeed,” Kyungsoo agrees, and holds out a spoon over the counter. “Taste this.”

Baekhyun brightens visibly. “Fuck that’s good,” he remarks --Jongdae pouts, wanting his own taste, and Kyungsoo indulges him, holding out another spoonful. It’s just the broth for the noodles, but damn does it taste good. “What is it?”

“An attempt at udon,” Kyungsoo answers, a little shy. “Do you like it?”

“Have you ever cooked anything bad?” Baekhyun counters, and Jongdae grins secretly to himself, looking down at his chopping board. “How did you even learn to cook?”

And just like that… things return to normal, Kyungsoo talks about having enjoyed cooking since he’d moved out for college, and how it provides a period to cooldown after long days behind the camera. When he’s out travelling for press tours or filming in foreign locations, it’s the food of the place that he’s always most excited to try, constantly researching what’s local and the best restaurants of the area.

Baekhyun is attentive, listening and asking all the right questions to make Kyungsoo keep talking, and Jongdae’s heart squeezes in his chest like it’s too big to fit in his ribcage anymore, partly relieved that they’re able to cope with this, partly relieved that Baekhyun and Kyungsoo get along so well. They’re similar, Jongdae thinks, in the strangest of ways, with the way they hide their feelings; this side to Baekhyun, the quieter side, is far more like Kyungsoo, thoughtful and pensive, but prone to insecurities that he’s quick to cover up.

Kyungsoo serves up the bowls of udon at the table, and Jongdae ramps up his flirting, going out of his way to touch Baekhyun, and make him aware of it. It’s different now, with kisses between them, with Jongdae’s purposeful intent, and there’s nothing more satisfying than watching the way Baekhyun turns a little pink, or watching his long fingers curl around Jongdae’s bicep, equally as purposeful.

Kyungsoo is quick to join in on the game, and that’s when it becomes unfair, because it’s two against one --Jongdae and Kyungsoo have no need to flirt with each other when Baekhyun is so much more fun to play with, and it’s entertaining to watch the way his eyes darken, the curve to his pretty, pretty mouth when Kyungsoo calls him charming offhandedly, as Baekhyun funnily recounts how he’d handled a customer at work the other day --he’s flourishing under the attention, returns their flirting with equal vigour. Jongdae feels chemistry bubble between them as the room seems to grow warmer.

They scrape their bowls clean and Baekhyun giddily asks, “What’s for dessert?”

“Hmm,” Kyungsoo hums, pretending to ponder. His hand reaches gently underneath Baekhyun’s chin, a thumb over his bottom lip as Baekhyun is stunned into silence. “You, maybe?”

Baekhyun turns red within an instant, and Kyungsoo’s composure cracks as he smiles. “Kidding,” he says slyly, letting his hands fall. “I think we have some ice cream, I’ll go serve it.”

Kyungsoo walks back into the kitchen like he didn’t just blow Baekhyun’s mind, Jongdae cackling loudly, and Baekhyun just says, “He’s horrible.”

“He is,” Jongdae agrees, grinning. “Wine brings out his sadistic side.”

“I don’t know how you handle it,” Baekhyun remarks, shaking his head slightly. “The fact that you two can exist without boning twenty-four seven perplexes me.”

Jongdae arches an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Well, you know…” Baekhyun clears his throat, courage melting away. “He’s infuriating, you’re infuriating…” Jongdae is going to take that as a synonym for hot. “You’d think having _too_ much sex would be more your issue.”

Jongdae snorts. “Well actually, my unplanned abstinence has come to an end.”

Baekhyun’s face opens at that. “You guys had sex?”

“Uh, yeah,” Jongdae rubs the back of his neck. He clears his throat. “The night you and I kissed, actually…”

Baekhyun whines. “You guys had sex after _I_ kissed you? On _my_ birthday?”

“Technically wasn’t your birthday--” Baekhyun kicks Jongdae under the table. “--Ow!”

“Unbelievable!!!” He complains. “That would have been a better present than you running away, y’know. I can’t believe I’m doing all the work for you two.”

Jongdae laughs, and when Baekhyun moves to kick him again he grabs his foot instead, holding it in place. “We can always make it up to you.”

Baekhyun stills at that, suddenly stopping his attempt to wrench out of Jongdae’s grip as he licks his lips quickly, hungry, considering Jongdae’s preposition. Now that Jongdae has tasted Baekhyun once, he only wants to taste him more, and he can’t deny that he’s been thinking about it ever since Kyungsoo suggested it --a threesome, that is. The usual, non-romantic kind.

“I guess so,” Baekhyun decides, torso leaning forward ever so slightly. “But Kyungsoo swooped in and took you when you were mine. That’s not fair.”

Jongdae shivers at the look on Baekhyun’s face, if only just. “Well,” he croaks out, swallowing deeply, and noting the way Baekhyun’s eyes drop to contemplatively watch his adam’s apple bob. “This relationship should be all about fairness, shouldn't it?”

Baekhyun’s foot shifts where Jongdae is holding it against his thigh, until there’s a pressure over Jongdae’s dick, who gasps softly as soon as Baekhyun makes contact, smirking.

“How long do you think it will take Kyungsoo to notice?” He asks, voice low, and Jongdae’s dick twitches at the thought, blood turning hot. “Do you think I can take what’s rightfully mine right under his nose?”

Jongdae clenches his jaw, pushing forward into Baekhyun’s touch. He laughs breathily. “Guess Kyungsoo isn’t the only one who gets sadistic with wine.”

“Wine doesn’t make me sadistic,” Baekhyun says easily, taking another sip as he does so while Jongdae thrusts up a little, hips stuttering. The pressure feels so fucking good, and the context of it only alleviates Jongdae’s arousal that much further. “Just horny.”

“God,” Jongdae breathes out sharply, hooking a hand under Baekhyun’s ankle to pull him closer. A footjob under the dinner table is the last thing Jongdae expected to get to him so much, but the idea of coming like this while Baekhyun and Kyungsoo watch, well, it’s exhilarating.

“See if you can hide it,” Baekhyun says with a smirk behind his wine glass as Kyungsoo re-enters with three bowls of ice cream, frowning slightly at the silence. Baekhyun smiles up at him innocently as if nothing is wrong, thanking him for dessert.

The pressure on his dick is slow and constant, allowing Jongdae to act normal as he accepts his own bowl. Baekhyun presses harder just as Jongdae is taking a bite, causing him to jolt suddenly in his seat, Baekhyun smiling with a spoon in his mouth across the table.

Kyungsoo arches an eyebrow at Jongdae. “What?”

“Nothing,” Jongdae replies quietly, and Baekhyun casually asks Kyungsoo what his upcoming plans with work are, now that he’s on such a long break. Kyungsoo explains that he’ll hopefully audition for a movie, this time, instead of a TV show, if they’re not renewed for a third season, all while Baekhyun makes a show out of slowly licking his spoon and pushing it between his lips in a manner that is anything but innocent.

Jongdae is fully hard now, throbbing underneath Baekhyun’s touch, and he moans at a particular press right as Baekhyun flattens his tongue to slowly lick ice cream off the bottom of his spoon, Jongdae’s hand gripping his own cutlery white-knuckled.

Kyungsoo’s eyes sharpen immediately, turning to Jongdae. He leans over slightly to peer into Jongdae’s lap, and says, “Seriously?” As he sits up straight. “A footjob?”

“Don’t knock it ‘till you’ve tried it,” Baekhyun replies matter-of-factly, Jongdae moaning again as Baekhyun’s ministrations continue. “Jongdae certainly seems to be enjoying it.”

Jongdae’s nails scrape across the wood of the tabletop.

“Careful,” Kyungsoo warns, even as a hand raises to reach behind Jongdae and stroke the nape of his neck encouragingly. “Jongdae’s old, remember? If you make him come now he might not have anything left for later.”

Baekhyun’s eyes darken at the mention, and Jongdae chokes out a tiny, “Please,” as he gyrates uselessly, so, so close. The fact that Kyungsoo is aware of it now, watching him impassively, just makes Jongdae want to come that much harder. “I’ll be fine, just--” he tips his head back as he moans, hips surging upwards. “-- _Please_.”

“Don’t you want to see him come?” Baekhyun asks Kyungsoo, who only watches Jongdae with dark eyes. “See what it’s like when someone else does it for you?”

Their dessert lays abandoned, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo far more intent on eating Jongdae instead. “Fine,” Kyungsoo relents, although he doesn’t sound too reluctant about it. “Make him come.”

Baekhyun’s grin turns sharp as his movements increase, and Jongdae repositions his touch to where he needs it most before cursing under his breath, making frazzled eye contact with Kyungsoo, who’s motionless. The fact that they’re both watching turns Jongdae’s body hot, and he comes so quickly, so easily, so desperate to please them both, gasping silently as he does so and digging his nails into the table.

Baekhyun lets his foot fall back as he sits up straighter, leaving a wet patch in its place. Jongdae just pants as he stares down at the table, unbelieving of what just happened.

“So,” Kyungsoo says, to break the silence. “You fuck on the first date?”

When Jongdae looks up, Baekhyun swallows, and his eyes are lust-blown and cheeks tinged red; it’s nice to know Jongdae isn’t the only one affected.

“Not usually,” he croaks out, voice rough. “But maybe I can make an exception.”

Jongdae laughs softly. “This isn’t exactly where I imagined this going.”

“Me neither,” Baekhyun admits, melting into his seat a little. “But I’m not-- I’m not. Opposed. If… if you two…”

Jongdae and Kyungsoo exchange a glance.

“We’re definitely okay with this,” Kyungsoo answers, since Jongdae is still struggling to form a coherent thought. “But it’s… we don’t want this to be just about sex, Baekhyun. You mean more to us than that.”

Baekhyun closes his eyes. “Fuck, you’re right, I’m sorry it’s-- the commitment complex,” he shrivels in his seat a little. “I default to sex because I don’t know how to handle anything else and I’ve also--” Baekhyun inhales slowly. “--I’ve also thought about this. A lot.”

“How much?” Kyungsoo asks coolly, although his eyes reveal his burning curiosity.

“Um.” Baekhyun gulps. “Since you moved in?” Kyungsoo and Jongdae exchange a glance. “I mean, what else am I meant to do when two insanely hot neighbours move in? Not fantasize about them?” He pulls a face; Kyungsoo just laughs. “Ugh, then you just had to be all nice and fun and charming and--” he cuts off, realising he’s rambling. Jongdae grins dopily.

“So you’ve been crushing on us since before we’d even considered this, huh?” He teases.

“Maybe…” Baekhyun mumbles. “Do you know how fucking weird it feels to like both sides of the couple? Even while Kyungsoo was doing his weird possessive shit, I was still kinda into it.”

Kyungsoo flushes at that, Jongdae looking between him and Baekhyun, confused. “What is he talking about?” Jongdae asks Kyungsoo.

Baekhyun snorts. “The first time we met Kyungsoo was all over you like he was marking his territory. But honestly my emotions were already so fucked at that stage I mostly just found it hot.”

Jongdae blinks at Kyungsoo, bewildered. “I felt… threatened,” Kyungsoo admits, surprising Jongdae entirely. “But keep in mind that was-- we weren’t exactly. In a good place, then,” he’s quick to explain, looking at Jongdae as if asking for forgiveness.

“I didn’t even realise,” Jongdae remarks.

“Because you’re hopeless,” Baekhyun and Kyungsoo reply, in unison, then grin at each other. On second thought, maybe being a three is a bad idea.

The silence is a little uncomfortable as they all wonder what to say, so Jongdae just says, “I really would like to get my pants off, I hope you guys realise.” There’s only so much he can sit in his own come before it grows unbearable. Jongdae licks his lips, and they taste sweet, like vanilla ice cream, but he bets Baekhyun would taste sweeter. “And I kind of. Really fucking want you to both be there when I do.” He shuffles in his seat nervously. “Is that bad? Should we stop rushing things?”

“I mean it’s a little gross, I don’t know if I really want to see your stained underwear,” Baekhyun replies, so Jongdae kicks him. “Hey!”

“No avoiding questions,” Jongdae scolds. “We’re going to be honest if we want something this complicated to work, Baekhyun, so be straight with me if you’re feeling pressured.”

Baekhyun shakes his head, slowly. “No,” he answers, almost a little guilty. “I want this. Really I--” he swallows. “--I do.”

The only one left to say anything is Kyungsoo, who is watching them both with an unreadable expression, a mixture of emotions passing across his visage. Beneath the table, Jongdae links their fingers together.

“I want to try,” Kyungsoo admits, squeezing Jongdae’s fingers. “If we’re all up to it, then…”

“Bedroom?” Jongdae suggests, finishing Kyungsoo’s sentence.

They leave their ice cream to melt as Kyungsoo takes Baekhyun’s hand and leads him down the hall, who gulps nervously while stumbling in blindly, even as Jongdae gently shuts the bedroom door behind him.

“This is a part of seeing how a three way relationship would work, see,” Baekhyun reasons to himself quietly, as Kyungsoo sits on the edge of the bed and Baekhyun straddles over him, cupping his face. “Sex is a big part of the relationship.”

“Mhmm,” Kyungsoo hums in agreement, although Jongdae thinks he isn’t really listening, tilting Baekhyun’s chin downwards to kiss him. It’s slow and sweet, not rushed or surprised like the one they’d shared before, but oddly… caring, in a way, like they’re trying to reassure each other that this is okay, that they can have this. It is okay, of course, and they can, but the only surprising part is that Jongdae had had fleeting doubts that maybe watching them do this would make him jealous or mad, but it doesn’t. If anything, he’s just uncomfortably turned on, and really, really happy.

Leaning on the edge of the bed, Jongdae just continues watching them kiss, the way Kyungsoo’s hands cup Baekhyun’s cheek and the slide of tongues between them, slow and sensual. Kyungsoo is good at things like this, taking care of people, yes, but being smooth and seductive, easing Baekhyun into the strange situation, helping him relax. Jongdae had never expected to be so into watching it, seeing Kyungsoo’s prowess applied to someone besides Jongdae himself. There’s no jealousy or other sickly coloured emotions behind it, just pure admiration, love, and an extreme amount of horniness. Sue him.

Jongdae is so close now his nose is practically brushing Kyungsoo’s cheek, mouth half-open as he watches them kiss with hunger. Baekhyun notices, of course, wired to observe everything, and he pulls away from Kyungsoo to tilt his head to the side and kiss Jongdae too.

It sends goosebumps across his skin, makes Jongdae’s toes curl, as Baekhyun sits in Kyungsoo’s lap and kisses Jongdae, hot and wet, but soft, too, oddly sweet and unsure. Baekhyun pulls back only briefly, licking his lips nervously, Kyungsoo running his hands encouragingly up and down Baekhyun’s thighs, but he doesn’t get a chance to lean back in, because then Kyungsoo kisses Jongdae too.

Jongdae sighs into the kiss and its familiarity, a hand fisted in Kyungsoo’s hair to pull him closer, and Baekhyun watches them with wide, dark eyes, as Jongdae makes sideways eye-contact with him, Baekhyun shifting a little to handle the discomfort apparently increasing in his pants.

“I shouldn’t find this so hot,” Baekhyun whispers, an absent minded thought, and Kyungsoo snorts against Jongdae’s lips, still not breaking the kiss, who smiles in return. Jongdae would think Baekhyun might feel alienated in a situation like this, watching a married couple make out so dirtily, but then again, Jongdae should feel alienated watching Kyungsoo and Baekhyun do it, yet all he’d felt was enraptured.

Jongdae pulls Kyungsoo off his mouth, and pushes him back into Baekhyun, just to watch them kiss some more. His dick is beginning to demand more and more attention, even though it’s all tired out, and Jongdae also remembers that he’d just come in his pants, a few minutes prior, and that should probably be dealt with.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” he tells Baekhyun and Kyungsoo, before dashing into the ensuite, taking some deep breaths to clear his thoughts a little, and… cleaning up, so to speak. Jongdae grips the edge of the sink, trying to steady himself and his rampant heartbeat; it feels like he’s drowning, but Jongdae doesn’t even remember jumping into the water to begin with.

Padding back out in a clean pair of underwear, Jongdae freezes as he watches Baekhyun and Kyungsoo break apart only briefly for Kyungsoo to tug Baekhyun’s sweater off, leaving his chest bare. Baekhyun does the same for Kyungsoo, and then kisses his neck, fingers dancing around his belt.

“Can I…” Baekhyun starts, glancing back at Jongdae, and it’s difficult to tell who exactly he’s getting consent from.

“Do I need to write a permission slip?” Jongdae teases, alleviating the atmosphere, a little. Baekhyun laughs breathily.

“Selling out my body?” Kyungsoo asks, raising his eyebrows.

“Renting,” Jongdae corrects, sitting beside Kyungsoo and placing a hand on Baekhyun’s cheek to watch the way his eyes dip closed briefly. Kyungsoo laughs quietly. “To be honest I have the refractory period of an eighty year old, so you two are welcome to do what you like. I’m happy to watch.” Jongdae gives a reassuring smile. “There’s always later.”

“Okay,” Baekhyun breathes out, huffing, and it seems to relax him somewhat. This isn’t the heated, somewhat petty footjob from before, more so the air is thick and tense with emotions and uncertainty. Has Baekhyun ever had a threesome before? Jongdae doesn’t doubt it, necessarily, but he also just doesn’t know. “In that case, Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun bites his lip. “Can I suck you off while Jongdae watches?”

Kyungsoo blinks, ears reddening a little. “If that’s what you want--”

He’s cute when he’s caught off-guard, and Baekhyun must be thinking the same thing because he presses an uncharacteristically chaste kiss to Kyungsoo’s lips before shifting off his lap and lowering himself to his knees, tongue tracing over Kyungsoo’s stomach. Kyungsoo looks like he doesn’t even know how to react to Baekhyun’s sudden proposal, a little thrown off balance, so Jongdae helps him by interlacing his fingers through Kyungsoo’s with one hand and moving the other to place it on Baekhyun’s head, Kyungsoo naturally carding his fingers through the strands.

It’s captivating to watch, the way Baekhyun gives head --so differently to Jongdae’s usual style, but destroying Kyungsoo just as much. Baekhyun is more into teasing than Jongdae is, spends a lot more time swirling his tongue around the head of Kyungsoo’s dick and springing up and down only minutely, unable to deepthroat. Kyungsoo moans and tips his head back and Jongdae unlinks their hands so he can fist it into Kyungsoo’s hair instead, keeping his head locked in place as he nips at his throat.

“Fuck,” Kyungsoo breathes out harshly, and Jongdae makes eye contact with Baekhyun, who stands back up wordlessly to kiss Kyungsoo as Jongdae pulls back yet pushes them together, overwhelmed with the intimacy.

“How is this for you?” Baekhyun breathes out, directed at Jongdae.

“Good,” he admits, a little bit of a lackluster response, but Jongdae is in no state of mind to be quoting thesauruses right now. He swallows. “You?”

“It’s…” Kyungsoo exhales. “A lot.”

Baekhyun huffs in agreement. “Yeah.”

“But not a bad a lot…”” Jongdae tries, and receives two shaky nods in return. If nobody is uncomfortable, and everyone on the same, heated, yet gentle wavelength, then… “Kyungsoo’s sensitive just under the tip, by the way,” he tells Baekhyun.

“Oh?” Baekhyun asks, as Kyungsoo just blinks a little owlishly until Baekhyun wraps a hand around his dick and presses his thumb into the exact spot that makes Kyungsoo’s back arch. “Interesting.”

“He also likes to be touched here,” Jongdae guides Baekhyun’s hand between Kyungsoo’s thighs, to behind his dick, as Kyungsoo exhales harshly as Baekhyun watches for his reaction.

“Also interesting,” Baekhyun licks his lips as he smiles. “You seem to know your way around, huh?”

Jongdae laughs dryly, a single huff. “Well, I am the landlord.”

Baekhyun smiles at that, then drops right down and lets his tongue replace where his thumb had just been, causing Kyungsoo to gasp sharply. One hand still playing with his balls, Baekhyun wraps his lips around the head of Kyungsoo’s dick and hollows his cheeks, Jongdae closing his eyes briefly at the sigh as he feels his own dick twitch.

“He likes to be deepthroated,” Jongdae instructs further, and Kyungsoo makes a small noise in the back of his throat, even though Baekhyun hasn’t done anything yet. He’s being so responsive, Jongdae can’t get enough of it. Baekhyun shoots Jongdae a look while he’s giving head that kind of seems to say _who doesn’t?_ Fair point, but Baekhyun is making no move to push himself further down.

“I know you can do it Baekhyunnie, it’s easy,” a half lie, Jongdae crawls on all fours towards the edge of the bed and rests on one hand while the other presses on the back of Baekhyun’s neck, encouraging. “Just breathe through your nose and open your throat a little, focus on your breathing.” Baekhyun moves down Kyungsoo’s dick accordingly to meet his fingers at the base, and Jongdae strokes the nape of his neck encouragingly. “Good,” he praises, as Kyungsoo’s face contorts in pleasure. “That’s good, Baekhyun.”

His eyes are watering a little, but Baekhyun looks determined, bobbing his head up and down, deeper, this time, increasing in pace.

“Fuck Baekhyun--” Kyungsoo calls suddenly, knuckles white in the sheets. It hadn't taken very long, this must be getting to Kyungsoo as much as it is Jongdae, the novelty of emotions, intimacy and sexuality overflowing. “I’m-- I’m gonna--”

But Baekhyun makes no move to stop, and his eyes slip shut as Kyungsoo comes, dutifully swallowing it all. At least he knows how to do that without instruction.

Baekhyun pulls back, a little come spilling from his lips, and Jongdae tugs him in for a kiss, drinking it all away. Baekhyun tastes like Kyungsoo and Jongdae is addicted to the strangeness of it, sucking his tongue and kissing him with no remorse until Baekhyun whines a little and Jongdae pulls back, cupping his face.

“You okay?” He asks, and Baekhyun nods hurriedly.

“Yeah just this-- this is a lot,” he exhales slowly, pushes away one of Jongdae’s hands so he can turn to Kyungsoo. “Was that... good?”

“Yes,” Kyungsoo replies easily, sure of himself. “Definitely.”

“Do we need to slow down or--”

“No,” Baekhyun cuts Jongdae off. “I’m good I’m just. Quick breather.” He rubs at his throat, and oh, right, fair enough. It’s a lot for Jongdae to process too, overwhelming amounts of emotion involving pre-established affection for Kyungsoo, while simultaneously handling the new intimacy found with Baekhyun _while_ sharing it with Kyungsoo. It’s… a lot of emotion involved, on top of the thrill of sex, so it’s safe to say Jongdae is hot-wired right now.

Baekhyun bites his lip, turning to Kyungsoo. “Teach me how to touch him,” he demands, as Jongdae shivers. Kyungsoo smiles.

“My pleasure.”

Jongdae’s eyes flutter shut as he’s shuffled further into the bed and kissed softly by Baekhyun, all pink lips and square mouth, sweet and genuine. Kyungsoo discards of what little clothing is left over on his body hastily, and bumps into the nightstand in the process, knocking over a few framed photos in the process.

“Oh,” he says lamely.

“Probably for the best,” Jongdae jokes. “I don’t want to make eye contact with your mom in the middle of a threesome.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything, but Jongdae knows he agrees because he makes no move to upright the photos again. He kneels on the edge of the bed, Baekhyun straddling Jongdae’s stomach, holding his face in his hands, just staring at each other as Jongdae, sitting up, tucks a lock of hair behind his ear tenderly.

“Jongdae likes… neck kisses,” Kyungsoo decides, and Baekhyun obliges immediately, latching onto the skin underneath Jongdae’s ear and making him sigh contentedly. “And hickies.”

Baekhyun bites at that, sucking sharply, and Jongdae yelps a little as his hips roll up, seeking friction.

“There’s a spot just… here,” Kyungsoo guides, pushing Baekhyun’s head gently until his lips are over Jongdae’s adam’s apple, and he kisses it obligingly, making Jongdae moan. Kyungsoo smiles at his handiwork. “He likes to be scratched--” Kyungsoo helps rake Baekhyun’s nails down Jongdae’s back, dragging his own between his shoulder blades, lightly. “--but not too hard.”

Jongdae makes eye contact with Kyungsoo, and understands why this had gotten to him so much before. They’ve never talked about any of this stuff, it’s all just signs and symptoms of how well they know each other, how to rile each other up, what they like… things they’ve learnt from years of experience. And teaching it all to Baekhyun, having him enact on it instead of them, is infuriatingly hot, for whatever reason. Kyungsoo is flaunting his knowledge of Jongdae’s body like it’s nothing, like he doesn’t keep ten years of intimate secrets locked in his head simply to please Jongdae the best that he can, and Baekhyun is responding to it all with the eagerness of a student willing to learn. It swells Jongdae’s chest with affection, and the feeling of being wanted, but it’s also making him painfully hard too.

Kyungsoo watches for a little while, almost contemplative, before he moves to the bedside drawer and pulls out a bottle of lube, Jongdae breathing out harshly through his nose at the sight.

“Please,” he half-begs Kyungsoo, nails digging into Baekhyun’s shoulders as he continues leaving bruises along Jongdae’s throat. Kyungsoo likes oral, loves to give head and receive it, loves to make Jongdae’s jaw ache as he fucks his mouth, but Jongdae prefers penetration, most of the time, likes to bend Kyungsoo over the couch or bounce him in his lap or be pushed into the sheets himself, it doesn’t matter, he just loves the combination of wet and tight and feeling Kyungsoo’s hips against his own. It isn’t always the case, of course, because sometimes Kyungsoo would rather fuck Jongdae into the mattress while Jongdae would rather have lazy blowjobs on the couch, or sometimes they’d simply prefer neither and choose something else, always meeting somewhere in the middle when they did have sex, but in general, if a gun was held against their head… these would be their choices.

And Kyungsoo knows it all too well, asking Baekhyun for quick consent before pouring lube on his fingers and dragging it to between Jongdae’s thighs, pressing at his knuckles so Baekhyun’s finger pushes through. Jongdae moans immediately, hips rocking down to meet his fingers, and Baekhyun just looks… somewhat amazed, as his hand disappears into Jongdae’s body.

“He likes to be fingered,” Kyungsoo whispers into the shell of Baekhyun’s ear, hand guiding him beneath Jongdae, who squirms a little in order to help Baekhyun find what he needs. Another finger enters, but it’s Kyungsoo’s, not Baekhyun, and Jongdae cries out, painfully turned on as he feels Baekhyun’s finger follow Kyungsoo’s to find the right spot, stroking against it curiously.

Jongdae’s body is on fire even as Kyungsoo pulls out and Baekhyun takes his place with another finger, exploring Jongdae in his own kind of way while still abusing his prostate so that Jongdae is writhing beneath him.

“Can he--” Baekhyun swallows thickly, eyes unblinking as they watch Jongdae. “--Can he come untouched?”

“Sometimes,” Kyungsoo answers, fingers tracing over the bruises Baekhyun had left on Jongdae’s skin, pressing down a little to add a delicious burn. “If he’s in the mood.”

Oh Jongdae could come untouched like this alright, could fuck himself on Baekhyun’s fingers easily until he came on his stomach and force Kyungsoo to lick it all off --he’s turned on enough for it, overwhelmed in this situation. But it’s not what Jongdae wants, surprisingly. Not now, at least.

“I’ve never seen someone so… sensitive…” Baekhyun muses, and a particular press of his fingers has Jongdae pressing back against them harder, thighs clamping around Baekhyun’s forearm.

“I am right here, you know,” Jongdae breathes out, wrapping his arms around Baekhyun’s neck as he fucks himself on Baekhyun’s fingers, looking at Kyungsoo. “And there’s no point in there being two of you if neither of you are going to fuck me.”

Kyungsoo smiles at that, which is not the reaction Jongdae expected.

“You can handle this part, right?” He asks Baekhyun. “Or would you like a guide on how to fuck my husband?”

Baekhyun shudders at that, closing his eyes. His fingers cease in their ministrations, and Jongdae grunts, less than happy.

“No,” Baekhyun says as his eyes open, swallowing as he stares at Jongdae. “I think I want to learn how to do that myself.” He tugs off his jeans and underwear in a struggle of a wriggle, smearing lube across them in the process, and it’s the first time Jongdae and Kyungsoo see his dick --pink and pretty and also fully hard, unsurprisingly, curving into the air. The carpet does not match the drapes at all. He looks around. “Do you guys use condoms, or--?”

Jongdae and Kyungsoo blink at each other; they hadn’t even considered it. “Uh. Not usually. We kind of like to…” Jongdae trails off, not finishing his sentence. Baekhyun gets it though, considering his wide eyes.

“Oh,” he says. “I can work with that.” He gulps, pouring more lube into his hand as Kyungsoo just watches. “So can I…”

Jongdae lies back, spreading his legs, and nods. “Be my guest.”

Baekhyun is laughing even as he lines up and enters Jongdae, and the sensation is strange. It is… different, to having sex with Kyungsoo, and Jongdae is kind of surprised by the fact just from feeling alone. Jongdae hasn’t had sex with a man who wasn’t Kyungsoo before… tonight, he supposes --let alone penetrative sex-- and it wasn’t like his high school girlfriend was introducing him to the world of pegging at age seventeen, when they weren’t even old enough to buy sex toys. Jongdae has never been fucked by anyone but Kyungsoo, so it’s kind of more surprising that he’d expected it to feel the same, rather than the fact that it doesn’t.

Baekhyun is unsure at first in a way that comes from not knowing Jongdae’s body, or knowing what he likes. He’s slow as he builds up a rhythm, rocking his hips only just, so when he slams into Jongdae suddenly with enough force to make Jongdae cry out, his lips twitch.

From there on out Baekhyun is ruthless, fucking Jongdae hard and fast, the way he likes it, pulling him up for a kiss and bouncing Jongdae in his lap, panting harshly as the tendons in his neck flex from the strain of pushing up with his thighs.

Baekhyun moans into Jongdae’s mouth, and he catches Kyungsoo shifting in the low light, shuffling closer kissing along Baekhyun’s neck, hands on his waist as Baekhyun continues fucking Jongdae.

“No one has taught us how to touch you yet,” Kyungsoo murmurs, and Jongdae’s toes curl in recognition, as Kyungsoo’s hands slowly slide over Baekhyun’s skin tenderly, seeking out weak spots. “Here, maybe?” Kyungsoo kisses Baekhyun’s neck, to no reaction. “Or here?”

He bites Baekhyun’s earlobe, who falters, suddenly stuttering in his rhythm. Jongdae smiles knowingly, and Kyungsoo’s expression mirrors his.

“Where else Baekhyunnie?” Jongdae asks, raking his nails over Baekhyun’s stomach, upwards. “Here, maybe?” He brushes a thumb over a nipple, and Baekhyun jerks accordingly, sensitive. Jackpot.

“Fuck,” Baekhyun breathes out, panting. “You guys are terrible.”

Jongdae and Kyungsoo laugh in unison, Kyungsoo turning Baekhyun’s head to kiss him.

“Sorry,”  he mumbles against Baekhyun’s lips, although Jongdae doubts he’s too genuine. “If it’s too much--”

“It’s not,” Baekhyun replies immediately, rebuilding his rhythm with Jongdae. “There’s another place I’m sensitive.”

Jongdae smiles at him. “And where’s that?”

Baekhyun swallows, once, and then with his clean hand, presses his fingers to Jongdae’s lips, whose eyes widen in realisation. Obediently, Jongdae opens his mouth, and Baekhyun groans a little before pushing his fingers through, letting Jongdae wrap his tongue around them and suck on them each one by one, as if they were a different body part entirely, and scrape along his teeth.

“Oh fuck,” Baekhyun curses, moaning as his head hangs down, and Jongdae just continues sucking on his fingers even harder, watching the way Kyungsoo lightly plays with Baekhyun’s nipples. “I-- I can’t--”

Jongdae increases the pace of his hips just a little, and feels Baekhyun come inside him, hot and sudden, moaning at the sensation with fingers still in his mouth.

“Holy shit,” Baekhyun remarks as he falls off of Jongdae, rolling to the side, staring at the ceiling. “I think my body is numb. There are spots in my vision.”

“I think you need to see a doctor,” Kyungsoo replies, and Baekhyun huffs before swatting at him lazily, and missing by a mile. Kyungsoo’s hard again just from watching, and he crawls over Jongdae. “Ready?”

Jongdae nods, albeit tiredly, and succumbs to the familiarity with which Kyungsoo fucks him, tracing over the hickeys on Jongdae’s neck with his tongue as he slowly turns Jongdae around until he’s on all fours and bites his shoulder blade as he re-enters, raking his nails over Jongdae’s rib cage. It’s fast and unforgiving, but also wet with lube and Baekhyun's come both, and so, so hot too, Kyungsoo licking over his bite marks as he fucks Jongdae, hard and deep. Jongdae is making a lot of noise as the headboard bangs in front of him, not all of it necessarily coherent, and Baekhyun watches them with wide-eyed expression, a hand around his own dick, jerking himself off desperately.

Jongdae doesn’t even get a chance to make a joke about Baekhyun already being hard again because he’s too busy moaning at the way Kyungsoo fucks him, purposefully not giving him a reach-around for reasons Jongdae both dreads and anticipates. Kyungsoo comes inside of Jongdae, making his ass more of a mess than it already is, and pulls out after catching his breath.

“You wanted to see Jongdae come untouched, right?” Kyungsoo asks Baekhyun, who’s biting his lip as he touches himself, eyes half shut as he gasps in pleasure. It’s hard for Jongdae to watch Baekhyun over his shoulder like this, but it’s not like he can look away either, as Baekhyun jerks off, one hand playing with a nipple, in such a sensual way, getting off on Kyungsoo and Jongdae while they watch. It makes Jongdae feel impossibly powerful, and impossibly overwhelmed, fists curling into the sheets.

“Yeah--” Baekhyun manages, cutting off sharply as he comes into his own hand, Jongdae cursing quietly as he watches. Baekhyun exhales, and recovers, tipping his head sideways as he looks straight at Kyungsoo and Jongdae with dark eyes. “--Yeah I do.”

So Kyungsoo swiftly bends over and eats Jongdae out, licking away the mixed amount of come inside him and causing both Jongdae and Baekhyun to cry out, Jongdae’s nails digging into the mattress.

“Oh holy fuck,” Baekhyun says, almost a little desperately, as Kyungsoo just spreads Jongdae’s thighs apart wider and inserts a finger, too, to curl along his prostate where his tongue can’t reach, rimming him so thoroughly Jongdae thinks he might burst for a torturous amount of time. Kyungsoo even licks away the droplets of come seeping down between Jongdae’s legs, tonguing him clean, and Jongdae can’t fucking take it as he rocks back against Kyungsoo’s mouth and fingers, spreading lube and come across his nose and chin undoubtedly.

“Kyungsoo--” Jongdae cries out, and then he comes, untouched just as promised, dirtying the sheets beneath him as Kyungsoo tongue-fucks him through it and then pulls away, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand and dragging his hand over the sheets to clean them. Jongdae collapses as his arms shake from the effort of holding himself up, completely spent.

“One day you’ve really--” Baekhyun’s back arches off the sheets with a gasp as Jongdae musters enough energy to crack an eye open to watch him fucking-- what? Touching himself _again_? It’s been a few minutes, what the hell. “--really got to do that to me too.”

“Are you a monster?” Jongdae blurts, mind still hazy from such an exhausting orgasm, all strung out. “How is your dick even capable of that?”

Baekhyun blinks at him, pauses, looking down. “Youth and beauty?” He offers.

“That’s unbelievable,” Jongdae scoffs as Kyungsoo says, “That’s amazing.”

Jongdae whips around to glare at Kyungsoo. “If it’s so amazing, you can deal with it then.” He falls face-first into the pillows. “I’m done forever.”

Even Kyungsoo looks a little wrung out, but he obliges nonetheless. “You really don’t have to- a-ah--” Baekhyun makes a strangled noise in the back of his throat as Kyungsoo jerks him off, fast and hurried, Baekhyun squirming beneath him, and he comes pathetically between Kyungsoo’s fingers as Jongdae watches, thankful his flaccid dick is capable of remaining flaccid.

“If you get hard again I’ll kick you out.” Kyungsoo warns flatly, and Baekhyun just laughs, sitting up to press a kiss against his cheek. When he pulls back, he looks a little uncharacteristically flustered.

“So that was as good for you guys as it was for me, right?” Baekhyun asks, even as Jongdae grunts to stand and clean up.

“Yes,” Kyungsoo replies. “Safe to say that’s the best sex we’ve had in…”

“Forever,” Jongdae supplies. Kyungsoo doesn’t disagree. “I’m glad we did it. It’s nice to know this works in the bedroom at least, if nowhere else.”

Baekhyun laughs shyly, tucking his chin to his chest, looking up at them from behind his eyelashes. “So we can do it again sometime?”

Kyungsoo hums, tugging Baekhyun to his chest and pulling him down onto the bed, who lets out a muffled squeak of surprise. Jongdae smiles at the sight, his heart too full to handle.

“Yeah,” Jongdae agrees easily. “Hopefully.”

  
  
  
  


 

 

Jongdae wakes up in the morning to a noise he doesn’t recognise. At first he’s too sleepy to make much sense of it, but as his conscious rouses he begins to wonder what’s causing such an odd wet noise, and opens his eyes only to see Baekhyun leaning over Kyungsoo, making out with him.

Yeah, that’d do it.

At first he simply watches, grinning at the way they kiss, soft and sweet and slow, and his heart feels so full Jongdae doesn’t know how he’s meant to take it. Seeing Kyungsoo be so open and vulnerable with somebody Jongdae likes does strange things to his stomach, all giddy and flipping around, and Jongdae can’t wait to see where this goes, now that they both have a boyfriend. Baekhyun is their boyfriend… right? Jongdae frowns momentarily; maybe he should ask. Are their different terms if there are three of them?

They keep making out slowly, Kyungsoo tucking a strand of hair behind Baekhyun’s ear as Baekhyun lets out a pleasant sigh when Kyungsoo pushes his tongue into his mouth; Jongdae just whines and says, “Where’s my good morning kiss?”

Baekhyun laughs against Kyungsoo’s mouth, gently pulling back to regard Jongdae as Kyungsoo’s thumb traces circles on his hip. “Can’t sleeping beauty wake up without one?” He teases, but rolls over slightly so his face is above Jongdae, who puckers his lips teasingly, only to be surprised when Baekhyun goes straight for the kill, biting on Jongdae’s bottom lip and sucking on his tongue hard enough to make him moan.

“I don’t think they did it like that in the disney film,” Kyungsoo remarks dryly as Jongdae quickly feels himself growing hard with Baekhyun’s heated kisses.

He pulls away, smug as he sits up, Jongdae letting out a small pathetic noise as he does so. “I have to go to work,” he says.

“No you don’t,” Jongdae corrects, quickly attaching himself to the underside of Baekhyun’s jaw. Baekhyun bristles pleasantly, toes wriggling. “Kyungsoo is rich, he can pay you to stay with us all day.”

“As much as I’d love a sugar daddy I was kind of hoping to not fuck up this relationship one day in,” Baekhyun says casually, and Jongdae pulls back, staring at him. Kyungsoo is too. Baekhyun blinks. “What?”

“You want to keep this up, then?” Jongdae asks, a little hopeful. “Us… Boyfriends?”

“Um,” Baekhyun swallows, neck turning red. “Obviously?”

Kyungsoo smiles brilliantly, then, and Jongdae imagines he must look the same. Baekhyun just looks flustered with all the attention.

“Stop looking at me like that,” he scolds, although Jongdae can tell he’s secretly pleased, just doesn’t know how to handle it.

“Get used to it,” Kyungsoo says indifferently, and Baekhyun just looks more flustered, avoiding eye-contact. God Jongdae likes him so fucking much.

Baekhyun swallows, hands twisting the sheets underneath him. “This is… exclusive, right?” He asks slowly, like he isn’t sure. “Jongdae said-- you guys aren’t really open, per se, so--”

Kyungsoo nods in agreement. “If something --or someone, rather-- comes up though, well…” Kyungsoo chuckles nervously. “I don’t think we’re in a position to stop you from expanding your horizons, since that’d be a bit hypocritical.”

“But talk to us first,” Jongdae suggests. “Please.”

“God it’s not like I have suitors lined up outside my door,” Baekhyun jokes, laughing a little childishly afterwards, but honestly, he kind of deserves to have people begging to date him, in Jongdae's opinion. “I was just… wondering. There are a few people on my booty call list I might have to break the sad news to. This was very sudden, after all.”

Jongdae snorts. “What? The sad news of being--” he drops his voice, as if saying something spooky, “~committed~”

“No,” Baekhyun replies, as Jongdae leans in to kiss him again. “The sad news of having better sex without them with my awesome hot neighbours instead.”

Jongdae laughs as Baekhyun lets him press their mouths together, and it’s soft and sweet and pleasant but still makes Jongdae feel warm. His hand gently brushes over Baekhyun’s thigh, only for Baekhyun to circle his fingers around Jongdae’s wrist, stopping him.

“I really have to get ready for work,” he reiterates, and when Jongdae pouts, Baekhyun kisses it apologetically. His eyes flick to Kyungsoo behind Jongdae, and his face shifts to concern, only for Jongdae to turn around and see the worried look across Kyungsoo’s visage. Baekhyun lets go of Jongdae to crawl forward, hooking his fingers gently under Kyungsoo’s chin and forcing him into looking at Baekhyun. “What is it?” Baekhyun asks quietly, and Jongdae’s heart nearly bursts at how well Baekhyun can read Kyungsoo, how well he can handle him, when Kyungsoo is like a puzzle that usually takes months to work out.

“I--” Kyungsoo tries, faltering, and he sighs as he reaches for Baekhyun’s hand that’s underneath his chin, intertwining their fingers together. “--I’m sorry but I just-- I need to make sure you know you can’t… mention… me…”

Baekhyun smiles lopsidedly. “It’s okay,” he reassures. “I figured that was the case.” Jongdae frowns at Baekhyun’s sad little smile, and Kyungsoo’s look of discontent, but this is how it has to be. Kyungsoo keeps his private life private and it’s almost scary sometimes, Jongdae thinks, how easy it is to manipulate the public with well-fortified lies. Any rumours are squashed by his agency’s PR team, and other than that Kyungsoo just keeps everything behind locked doors. Baekhyun now included, apparently.

It’s a sour start to the morning, killing the high of the early morning wake up, where everything between them still feels like some crazy passionate dream. But it isn’t --still very much a part of the real world and their day-to-day lives-- and that kind of fucking sucks.

“Come on,” Kyungsoo says consolingly as he slings his legs off the bed. “I’ll make you breakfast before work.”

It’s not really a fitting end to the conversation, a sense of discontent still hanging in the air, but it’s a good enough consolation prize.

  
  
  
  


 

 

After a quick breakfast of pancakes including Baekhyun scolding Jongdae for being shit at cooking while praising Kyungsoo to the high heavens --Jongdae shutting Baekhyun up with maple syrup tasting sticky kisses-- Baekhyun dashes away in a hurry when he finally checks the time to shower and dress before work, Jongdae and Kyungsoo left to clean up after themselves.

“So,” Jongdae starts, as the silence persists. “That happened.”

“It did…” Kyungsoo answers, and gives a quiet, incredulous laugh. “I don’t think three months ago I predicted that moving out here would end up like this.”

“Me neither,” Jongdae agrees, wrapping his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist. “But it’s… good, right? This somehow all worked out.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes curve as he smiles at Jongdae, filled with so much love Jongdae doesn’t know what to do with it all. “Somehow,” he relents. “Even if you are hopeless.”

Jongdae laughs through his nose as he kisses Kyungsoo’s forehead. “Are you ever going to let me live?”

“Never,” Kyungsoo teases, stroking Jongdae’s cheek, who leans into the touch. “How is this even going to work?” He asks quietly. “Should we take it in turns? Shared custody of time? We can’t be a three all the time--”

Jongdae hums. “Let’s not worry about it now, it’s the weekend and I’m meant to be relaxing.” Kyungsoo huffs. Jongdae smiles as he kisses Kyungsoo’s neck. “We don’t have to have a twenty-year plan for everything, Kyungsoo.”

“You’re awfully calm about this considering _you_ were the one with reservations,” he points out dryly. Jongdae just shrugs as best he can with his lips at Kyungsoo’s collarbone.

“It just feels… good, now. Better, when it’s all of us.” Jongdae frowns, uncertain, looking up. “Is that weird?”

“No,” Kyungsoo shakes his head. “I feel that too. Probably too early to let Baekhyun know, but--” he smiles. “--it’s like we’ve been missing something this whole time and hadn’t even realised.”

“Right??” Jongdae says, enthused that Kyungsoo understands. “He just-- fits so well and he’s so great and I like him so much and I like seeing you like him so much and it’s just-- this is new and so exciting and--”

“Jongdae,” Kyungsoo says, putting a finger over Jongdae’s lips so that he cuts off, abruptly, before kissing him, at first slow and sweet, reassurance of understanding his words but not needing to hear all of them to know, but Jongdae is still riled up from last night, from Baekhyun this morning, and it’s clearly been affecting Kyungsoo with the way he deepens the kiss, increases its pace.

“Really?” Jongdae gasps, as Kyungsoo’s hands dancing along his abdomen lightly. “In the kitchen?” Kyungsoo just wordlessly drops to his knees, Jongdae making a muffled noise as Kyungsoo tugs down his pyjama pants to mouth at the cotton of Jongdae’s underwear. “Ok,” Jongdae squeaks. “Kitchen it is.”

He threads a hand through Kyungsoo’s hair, and when he catches a glimpse of Kyungsoo’s smug little smile with his mouth around Jongdae’s dick, Jongdae tugs extra hard. Serves him right.

  
  
  
  


 

 

Baekhyun asks them both out on a date for Thursday.

“We can’t just eat and fuck at your place all the time,” he tells both Jongdae and Kyungsoo from where they’re curled up on the couch together in a tangle of uncaring limbs. They’d spent one night apart, and Jongdae and Kyungsoo had missed Baekhyun so much they’d invited him over again the next night. And the night after that. “That’s so boring, no wonder you guys lost your passion.”

Kyungsoo pinches Baekhyun’s ear, who yelps and jolts where he’s sitting on Jongdae’s lap. “I can’t do Thursday,” he says, crestfallen. “Work drinks.”

“Well I have opening shift Saturday so I can’t do Friday,” Baekhyun pouts. “And I promised Sehun we’d hang out Saturday since it’s his day off.”

They sit in the silence, pensive, and Jongdae is once again struck by the fact that this relationship doesn’t exist in a dreamy bubble of happiness, rather the very real world where life continues on without them.

“Well… maybe Baekhyun and I can just go out?” Kyungsoo suggests, causing Jongdae to frown harder. “If you’re not comfortable with that--”

“I--” Jongdae falters. “--No, you guys should definitely do that.” He smiles sincerely. “I don’t mind, we can do something else some other time.”

Kyungsoo seems unconvinced, but lets it drop.

  
  
  
  


 

 

Truth be told, Jongdae _is_ fine with it, because he understands that Baekhyun and Kyungsoo haven’t had alone time together like Jongdae has with both of them, but when he gets home late on Thursday and no one is home it just… sucks. He feels lonely and sad and he can’t stop himself from thinking about how much fun Baekhyun and Kyungsoo are having without him.

He doesn’t want to be so jealous, but he can’t help it, moping around in front of the TV drinking tea and hoping shitty soaps might keep his mind off of it. They don’t. He’s jealous and he hates the jealousy alongside himself for feeling it, it’s a whole bunch of negative, self-loathing Jongdae wants to be rid of.

Kyungsoo and Baekhyun get back from dinner at midnight, Kyungsoo laughing at a joke Baekhyun must have made as he opens the door. He cuts off as soon as he sees Jongdae on the couch.

“Hey,” he greets immediately. “What’s wrong?”

“What?” Jongdae asks, in lieu of a greeting. Baekhyun also seems concerned. “Nothing, why would you say that?”

“You’re drinking tea,” Kyungsoo says with a soft smile. “Tea is your sad drink.”

Is it? Jongdae pulls a face; he never realised.

“It’s nothing,” he insists. “Really.”

“C’mon Dae,” Baekhyun flops beside Jongdae on the couch, the contact immediately soothing Jongdae, somewhat. “You’re the one that said we have to be open about this, right?”

Jongdae sighs in defeat.

“I guess I just feel… jealous that you guys went out without me,” he admits, and concern knits across his boyfriends’ faces. “And... sad?” It’s hard to explain, because it’s not the usual angry pettiness jealousy brings about, so much as it is just resigned, kind of inevitable? As Jongdae talks about it, it changes shape, like the words in the air and the concern across Kyungsoo and Baekhyun’s faces show him how silly it is to feel this, soothe it.

“Okay, so how do we work with that?” Kyungsoo says, sitting on the other side of Jongdae. “Do you want us to not spend time one-on-one?”

“No,” Jongdae quickly says, because that’d be selfish as well as impractical. He needs to learn to come to terms with these new emotions and experiences, and know how to work through them. “I-- talking about it is good, it makes me realise how ridiculous it is,” he rubs the back of his neck.

“You know,” Baekhyun starts, biting his lip. “When I went home that first night, and had to sleep alone, knowing you two were still living together next door--” Jongdae turns sharply to Baekhyun, and feels like an idiot. How can he possibly feel so insecure about Baekhyun and Kyungsoo when Baekhyun has to deal with Jongdae and Kyungsoo being _married,_ living together one apartment over?“--what helped me was just… seeing you the next day and spending time with you both. It made me go… ‘oh, I’m an idiot’.”

“Absolutely you are,” Kyungsoo agrees, making Baekhyun jut out his bottom lip. “I can’t believe I’m in a relationship with two needy puppies.”

“Two needy puppies you _like_ ~” Baekhyun teases, making smoochy faces at Kyungsoo who rolls his eyes. Jongdae just laughs softly as he shakes his head and thinks, _oh._

“What?’ Baekhyun says with a grin, poking Jongdae’s stomach.

“Nothing,” Jongdae says, still smiling. “Just that… I’m an idiot.”

He can’t believe he managed to be so self-pitying when Kyungsoo and Baekhyun will always come back to Jongdae, in the end. Jongdae had always been a part of their date, even if he hadn’t physically been there; it’s a side-effect to this relationship, it always involves all of them.

“Glad you realised,” Kyungsoo kisses Jongdae’s cheek as he stands. “I’m going to make more tea.”

As Kyungsoo walks into the kitchen, Jongdae turns to Baekhyun curled up beside him, socked toes wiggling on the edge of the couch.

“So?” Jongdae prompts. “How was your date?”

“Weird,” Baekhyun answers, and Jongdae snorts. “The… private fancy restaurant thing... I couldn’t look at the food without adding up how many shifts that would cost me, even though Kyungsoo said he’d pay. I’m never going to get used to it.” He frowns at the TV, even though it’s too quiet to be heard.

“You won’t,” Jongdae says, because even he’s not used to it, let alone Kyungsoo. “But it gets… easier.”

Baekhyun’s mouth twists. “I’m too much of a broke student at heart, and I--” at Jongdae’s pointed expression, he cuts off abruptly. “Okay yeah, I know I live in a place like this, but it wasn’t meant to be permanent, Sehun trapped me by praying on my loyalty to my friends.” Baekhyun pulls a face.

“You hate people giving you things, don’t you?” Jongdae asks, playing with the hair at the nape of Baekhyun’s neck. His eyes slip shut as he hums.

“I guess,” he answers, noncommittal, although his eyes hold a heavy weight as he opens them again, staring at nothing. “Only if I can’t repay it.”

“Kindness isn’t meant to be repaid,” Kyungsoo interjects as he re-enters, two mugs in one hand, one in the other. “That’s why it’s kindness.” He hands the lone mug to Baekhyun, who accepts it timidly.

“But I can’t just continually abuse someone for their generosity,” Baekhyun counters, fingers curling around the steaming cup as he fiddles with the string of the teabag. Jongdae accepts his own easily. “That’s not right.”

“You’re not abusing anything if they’re giving it to you willingly, Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo says, with a small smile. “That’s why it’s a gift.”

Baekhyun’s face twists in reluctance, and Jongdae says, “Why do I have a feeling this is a continuous argument?”

“I was a step away from sedating Baekhyun in order to convince him into ordering whatever he wanted,” Kyungsoo explains, as Baekhyun’s expression sours further. “I… _insisted_ , for half an hour.”

Jongdae frowns, because there’s something underneath Baekhyun’s skin that makes him this way; something that’s been hurt too much to believe in kindness. Jongdae hopes, one day, Baekhyun can trust him and Kyungsoo enough to peel back the layers and show it.

“It just-- it’s so much money,” Baekhyun tries, a little frantic.

“So much money that means nothing to me, really,” Kyungsoo reiterates. “It’s just one meal, Baekhyun, on our _date._  I’m not trying to buy you or put you in debt, I just want to do something nice for my--” he cuts off, as if unsure of himself. Baekhyun’s open and vulnerable expression steels Kyungsoo’s resolve. “--boyfriend…?”

Baekhyun laughs, cutting through the tense atmosphere.

“You don’t have to sound so unsure,” he says, smirking. “Or should I be called something else? Your third wheel? Plus one?” He’s changing the topic, but Jongdae can see the way relief has passed over his features, curled around Baekhyun’s heart to keep him warm.

“You’re the commitment-phobic millennial,” Kyungsoo replies dryly, flicking Baekhyun’s forehead. “I was being considerate.”

“You guys literally gave me the ‘this is exclusive’ talk twelve hours in, not to mention you’re the kind of good little catholic boys that get married at --what, twenty-six?” Baekhyun scoffs; Jongdae and Kyungsoo exchange a look. “I know what I’m getting into, okay. I have since the start.” He stretches out his feet so that his legs are across Jongdae’s, dumped in Kyungsoo’s lap. “I am fully prepared to deal with your vanilla, domestic white-picket fence dynamic.”

“In a threesome?” Jongdae counters, eyebrow raised.

Baekhyun grins. “That’s the most unconventional thing that’s ever happened to you two, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know,” Kyungsoo adds flatly. “Marrying a man seemed pretty against the norm.”

Baekhyun’s mouth opens, then shuts. “Okay fine,” he relents. “Get political about it, I meant it in a sex way you asshat.” He prods Kyungsoo with his socked foot, who only smiles in satisfaction behind his mug.

“Why are you asking?” Jongdae asks, arching an eyebrow.

“No reason,” Baekhyun sing-songs, which tells Jongdae there is very much a reason. “I just want to make sure you aren’t going to show me your ~playroom~ and chain me up or something, not that I’m not into that,” he winks sleazily. “And I’m curious.” Baekhyun shrugs as he takes a loud sip. “Sex is fun, finding out ways to make it better is also fun. And,” his eyes glint. “You guys only had sex again because of me. I intend to help continue that.”

“We didn’t--” Jongdae starts, but falls short because it’s moot point. They totally did, and Baekhyun knows it.

“C’mon,” Baekhyun urges. “If you tell me something you’re into we’ll be able to explore things together. It’ll be fun.”

Kyungsoo seems to be considering this greatly, Baekhyun edging forwards slightly in anticipation. “I’m into…” he starts, trailing off. “... Women.”

Baekhyun stares. “Kyungsoo, you married a man. You’re in a relationship with two men.”

“Kyungsoo’s bi,” Jongdae helpfully explains. “It’s just like, 99% women and 1% men.”

“That’s not true,” Kyungsoo argues. “It’s more like 50% women, 49% non-binary people and 1% men.”

Baekhyun laughs in disbelief. “Unreal.” He says, staring at the ceiling. “I can’t believe after all these jokes about you being rich… I am the 1%.”

Kyungsoo’s expression is so flat you could cross-country ski across it. Jongdae just facepalms.

“Really though,” Baekhyun says, through his shit-eating grin. “That’s the best kink you’ve got? Women? That’s not even a kink.”

Kyungsoo gives Jongdae a helpless look as if to say _why aren’t you dealing with this?_ Jongdae shoots one that says _your problem, not mine_ right back.

“Why are you so fixated on this?” Kyungsoo asks. “Jongdae and I just… do what we like…?” He says. Jongdae shrugs in acquiescence. “We’ve never really talked about it.”

“I dunno,” Baekhyun answers noncommittally, staring at the ceiling. “I guess… you guys have been having sex with each other for a decade without me. I kind of want it to feel… new?”

“Aw Baekhyunnie,” Jongdae coos, because of course beneath all his general terribleness, there’s a genuine reason. “You realise you being there is new enough, right?”

Baekhyun makes a vague gesture with his hands, red creeping up his neck. “If you say so.” Unable to help himself, Jongdae leans over to kiss Baekhyun lightly and teasing, Baekhyun only complaining and trying to push him away half-heartedly, laughing as he does so. Any of Jongdae’s earlier worries have been washed away so easily, it’s hard to imagine they’d even been there to begin with.

(And later, Jongdae edges Baekhyun until he cries, while Kyungsoo wipes away his tears, fucking him so deeply into the mattress the bed frame rocks against the wall, leaning down to ask him if it’s special enough for him, if it’s new enough, if nobody else has ever made him feel this good before. Baekhyun is too busy twisting his hands into the sheets and crying out incoherently to answer, but Jongdae takes it as a yes.)

  
  
  
  
  


 

Baekhyun sends a selfie to the group chat. _Pls i’m so bored this lecturer is more dead inside than i am_.

Jongdae glances up at above the meeting table, as Soojung continues talking about their latest project, devoid of any passion.

 _Tell me about it_.

 _Jongdae get back to work_ , Kyungsoo scolds immediately. _And Baekhyun, you need to focus in class_.

Baekhyun sends an emoji of someone sticking out their tongue, but Jongdae’s notifications stop, after that, meaning he’s actually listened to Kyungsoo. For some reason, Baekhyun always does, whereas Jongdae has to fight tooth and nail to get him to do anything; truly the duality of man.

Regardless, it’s a Friday so Jongdae’s brain is fried, too busy gazing out the window to really pay attention. Summer has come in a thick fog of heat, and it cooks Jongdae’s brain as easily as it does the pavement outside, a slow sizzle. Things with Baekhyun are good, regular, normal --it’s getting to the stage where Sehun requested his roommate back one night, since he spends so much time at Jongdae and Kyungsoo’s. It makes for bad habits, having Baekhyun nearby, because when he isn’t Jongdae just finds life so much more dull.

Not that things are bad with Kyungsoo --on the contrary, Jongdae feels closer to him than he has all his life, possibly, always more open and honest with each other, and the happiness of dating Baekhyun bleeds into their relationship too-- more so that it feels more right to have Baekhyun with them than it doesn’t, and it makes Jongdae oddly antsy. Good things don’t last forever, and there’s only so long they can keep this three a secret --as it stands, perhaps the only person who knows about them is Sehun, but… how long can that last? Are they meant to tell Jongdae’s family? Kyungsoo’s? Baekhyun’s? Jongdae hasn’t even met the latter yet, and it’s weird, because Baekhyun is his boyfriend and by now he probably should have, but the regular rules don’t apply to polyamorous relationships, so Jongdae doesn’t know anymore.

“You spaced out that whole time, didn’t you?” Minseok asks, just as Soojung has wrapped up her presentation.

“Huh?” Jongdae asks, perhaps proving Minseok’s point as he gives a pitying, albeit pointed, smile.

“What’s gotten into you?” Minseok teases. “You’re more airheaded than usual.”

“Nothing,” Jongdae quickly says, shaking his head. “Just tired.” 

“Better things waiting for you at home?” Minseok asks, and although it’s rhetorical, Jongdae thinks, _yes_. Work is good, gives him focus and drive and self-worth, but… well, it’s the middle of the year, and it’s too hot and all too tempting to daydream about becoming Kyungsoo’s trophy husband so Jongdae can spend his days lounging around and being with his boyfriends. They certainly have the money for it, and the thought is a little bit terrifying --Jongdae falls deeper and deeper into this bubble of his life everyday, but sooner or later it has to pop. “Huh, well, I guess I get it. At this rate the only thing keeping me going is the mid-year office party.”

“That’s because you’re an alcoholic,” Soojung interrupts, laptop neatly under her arm. “And you love showing off your hot boyfriend.”

“Damn right I do,” Minseok says, a little smug, and Jongdae just laughs with a fond shake of his head.

“Hey, you should bring that mysterious husband of yours,” Minseok suddenly says, turning to Jongdae. “You never really talk about him, I’m starting to think you made him up.”

“Haha well, he’s a busy guy…” Jongdae trails off awkwardly. “But maybe.” The mid-year office party isn’t for another few weeks yet, the only event of two in the year --the second being christmas-- where the whole company gets together to get really stupid drunk and mingle. Jongdae wishes he could look forward to it, but it’s a lot less fun alone --Kyungsoo’s press tour starts the week the party is being held, so he knows that’s not happening.

Then again, Jongdae perks up in his seat a little, maybe he can ask Baekhyun?

The end of the day couldn’t have possibly come any sooner, as Jongdae finally finishes up the work he has to do before the weekend and dashes out, eager to get home.

The apartment isn’t empty nor quiet, filled with soft lyricless music that Baekhyun only plays when he studies, set up at the dining table with his printed readers spread out in front of him as he chews on the tip of a pen, glaring at his laptop.

“Hey,” Jongdae greets, pressing a kiss against his cheek. “How goes the final?”

“A pain in the ass,” Baekhyun responds, a typical answer. “Do you think you can proofread this paper once I’m done? Let me know if it’s cohesive.”

“Of course,” Jongdae easily agrees, placing a reassuring hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder. “You know you’ll do amazing, right? You always do.”

“Pride is my hubris,” Baekhyun responds faux-sagely. “I won’t let it be my downfall.”

Jongdae rolls his eyes, although he can see Baekhyun appreciates the reassurance in the way he sits up a little straighter. Getting to know Baekhyun better and better means getting to know the way he’s like a maze of traps and tripwires, mirrors used to imitate dead-ends and corner turns; but the longer Jongdae spends tracing out the routes, the easier it is to walk them, to see the way Baekhyun surrenders little hints unwillingly, the smallest of victories.

“Kyungsoo’s coming home tonight, right?” Baekhyun asks, and Jongdae likes the way home sounds when it comes from his lips. “You guys left before I even got up.”

It’s finals, which means Baekhyun doesn’t have class but has a whole lot of empty time to himself to spend worrying about exams and papers and cramming. It’s the last group of credits he’s got until he can graduate in the september ceremony, so he’s more nervous for these than any assignments before them.

As such, Jongdae and Kyungsoo have silently kept it upon themselves to keep Baekhyun in check, making sure he gets fed and watered like a plant and takes regular breaks to keep his mind stable --most breaks have to be induced only through rigorous kissing and clingy cuddles, but Jongdae doesn’t mind doing that too much. Baekhyun has pretty much been living here for the past few days, borrowing the spare key and going to his own apartment only to pick up clothes; he even smells like Kyungsoo’s body wash and Jongdae’s shampoo, and Jongdae definitely doesn’t mind that. It’s the part where Baekhyun goes back to his own apartment that’s kind of going to suck.

“And what time did you wake up?” Jongdae teases. “Three?”

“Two, actually,” Baekhyun corrects, as Jongdae just snorts. “You guys really missed out on me kicking ass in Overwatch last night.”

“I’m sure we did,” Jongdae replies dryly. Baekhyun keeps the hours of the nocturnal student that he is, taking totalitarian control of Jongdae’s mildly unused PS4 to rank up his Overwatch account. “Kyungsoo said he should be home in time for dinner, though. Why do you ask?”

He’s got PR training all day in prep for the upcoming press tour, set to leave the same weekend after Baekhyun finishes his finals. It’s going to suck, having Baekhyun free again but Kyungsoo gone, but Jongdae hopes they can manage. Kyungsoo is only a side character in the show, so he won’t have to do all, probably just a few weeks of interviews to pre-record at most and then he’ll be free to come home and handle the rest over the phone.

“Nothing just… wanted to do something special before he leaves,” Baekhyun shrugs stiffly, meaning he feels a little insecure. “As much as I enjoy our missionary sex with socks on every night at 9pm--” Jongdae rolls his eyes as he pours himself a glass of water from the kitchen. “I just thought we could try… a parting gift, of sorts.”

It’s been a while since they’d had sex altogether, mostly since they keep such irregular hours and it’s surprisingly very difficult to get three people in the mood at once. With Baekhyun stressed out from finals, Jongdae dead on his feet at work, and Kyungsoo battling PR, it’s been a while --by their standards, at least.

“Well, Kyungsoo is the horniest man alive, so he should be up to it.” Months of Kyungsoo repressing urges have apparently manifested as the most active out of the three of them, frequently having sex with both of them more than they do with each other; Kyungsoo also isn’t working, at the moment, so it might be a side effect of boredom too. “What exactly are you planning? Is this something we need to have a serious conversation about?” Jongdae frowns.

“What? No, it’s not serious, promise.” Baekhyun pulls a face. “No secret sex dungeons, it’s just a little different. Something new.”

There’s a shopping bag beside his seat which he pats consolingly, concealing a box within. Jongdae warily peers into the bag to see what’s inside it, only to spot a shoebox with ‘DEFINITELY NOT SEX TOYS’ scrawled across it in permanent marker.

Jongdae gives Baekhyun a flat look.

“I don’t want Sehun to snoop through my stuff and be traumatised,” he defends, even though Jongdae hadn’t said anything. “And this way when he opens it, he’ll laugh and be exasperated rather than traumatised.”

Jongdae shakes his head. “How your mind works escapes me,” he sighs, instead of paying any attention to the jolt of excitement that races through him at the thought. They’ve never… well, even as a couple, Jongdae and Kyungsoo never discussed sex toys or even considered them --they extremely intimidated Jongdae, and Kyungsoo seemed pretty happy using the tools they had on hand, rather than risk hurting each other-- but… well, they probably do need to talk about it if Baekhyun wants them to use it.

“You know you love it,” Baekhyun replies, with a cheesy wink, and Jongdae thinks that he probably does, looking at Baekhyun in his apartment and hoping he never leaves, but confirming such a fact might freak Baekhyun out only a few months into their three. Or not. He’s hard to read, his feelings even more so, even if Jongdae is getting a little bit better at guessing.

“I don’t…” Jongdae gulps, staring at the box. “I don’t know how to like, use any of those, you realise.” Even if it is probably very intuitive, Jongdae is a worrier who had to wikihow how to give good head before he and Kyungsoo had sex for the first time --he doesn’t like to be unprepared.

“Don’t worry about it,” Baekhyun reassures, smirking a little. “I’ll show you how.”

That’s a little ominous.

Kyungsoo gets home just as Jongdae is reheating dinner on the stove, Baekhyun doing one last readover of his paper before submitting it.

“Ah Kyungsoo!!” He says happily. “You’re just in time to watch me be done with college forever.”

“Submitting papers to Turnitin,” Kyungsoo says dryly. “My favourite pastime.”

“But it’s my last one ever!” Baekhyun whines. “Hopefully!”

Kyungsoo just shakes his head slightly, placing a hand on Jongdae’s waist. “Hi,” he greets.

“Hi,” Jongdae responds dopily. “I was just putting together a feast.”

Kyungsoo pointedly glances at the now-empty leftovers container he’d labelled himself. “I can see that.”

“Hey,” Jongdae pouts. “It took me years to be able to reheat these things without fucking up. Please have some pride.”

“I can’t believe I just finished my degree and you’re begging for us to praise you for using a stove,” Baekhyun enters the kitchen, folding his arms across his chest. “Unbelievable.”

Kyungsoo breaks into a smile. “Congratulations Baekhyun,” he says. “Are you sure you don’t want to go out to celebrate? It’s not too late.”

Baekhyun shakes his head. “Nah, you’ve only got a few days left at home and I’m too tired to argue with you over menu prices,” Kyungsoo snorts. “Besides, I was hoping we could all spend the night in bed, if you know what I mean.” He wiggles his eyebrows, as if they _don’t_ know what he means.

“Dinner first,” Kyungsoo replies, although Baekhyun bristles happily at his hidden acceptance of the proposal. “I’m starving.”

Jongdae jokingly makes a toast using water glasses as they eat dinner for Baekhyun’s success in his studies, and Baekhyun kicks him under the table to make him shut up, Kyungsoo having to break up their squabbling with a stern look before sighing under his breath and saying _it’s like living with children_. Kyungsoo washes, Baekhyun dries, and Jongdae puts away the dishes, and once they’re content and a little lazy --but their minds occupied by thoughts of what comes next-- Baekhyun makes the oddest request of all.

“Bring two chairs in with you.”   

Kyungsoo and Jongdae exchange a glance, but comply, curiosity and excitement beating out over any apprehension.  Baekhyun grins as Kyungsoo shuts the bedroom door behind them; Jongdae resigns himself to his fate.

  
  
  
  


 

Kyungsoo has an early flight out, being picked up at their apartment by the agency’s security time, so they don’t have much of a tearful goodbye. He kisses Jongdae and Baekhyun on the cheek as they groan incoherently in the bed, tells them he’ll make sure to call when he can, and then he’s gone.

It’s kind of weird --they’ve spent time one-on-one, of course, even before they started dating, but never like this. Jongdae wakes up to Baekhyun and realises he’ll _just_ be waking up to Baekhyun for the next few weeks, and isn’t sure how he’s meant to feel about it. On one hand, it’s great, because usually during press tours Jongdae is incredibly mopey without Kyungsoo around, so he has someone to endure the loneliness. On the other hand, he’s still a little mopey without Kyungsoo around, so he feels bad that Baekhyun has to put up with it.

Then again, Baekhyun’s a little mopey too; misery loves company, at the very least.

Baekhyun is busy partying with friends post-exam bliss and hanging out with Sehun while he’s home for once to bother with Jongdae most of the time, anyway, so Jongdae lingers around his dead quiet apartment and wonders when silence started to get to him so much. Having an extra boyfriend, an extra person to depend on, apparently only increases Jongdae’s neediness. Shame.

Good thing Baekhyun barges in on a Saturday and demands they do something fun while Jongdae is on the phone to Kyungsoo, asking how everything is going.

“HI KYUNGSOO,” Baekhyun shouts obnoxiously, and Jongdae switches his phone onto speaker so Baekhyun can catch the tail-end of Kyungsoo’s laugh and his far quieter ‘hello Baekhyun’.

“Hey I just thought of something fun we can do,” Baekhyun says happily,  before dropping to his knees and undoing Jongdae’s pants.

“What’re you--” Jongdae moans into the phone as Baekhyun tongues at his dick. “Oh god.”

Kyungsoo sighs. “Are you really going to make me listen to this?”

Baekhyun grins. “You can always hang up,” he says, as he pulls away from Jongdae’s dick, who whines a little at the loss of contact. Kyungsoo’s silence is telling enough, but Jongdae distinctly hears a door click shut as he moves himself to somewhere more private on the other end. Oh fuck. “But I’m not going to make you listen to it,” Baekhyun says, as he gently moves Jongdae’s hand so he can see the screen to press the video button. “You get to watch.”

Jongdae comes embarrassingly fast, filming Baekhyun’s lips stretched around his dick as Kyungsoo jerks off in an overpriced hotel bathroom, moans echoing along tiles translating even across the phone speakers. Baekhyun just looks sickly satisfied as he wipes the last bit of come from the corner of his lips, Jongdae makes sure Kyungsoo sees it happen, just to watch his grainy image shudder.

  
  
  
  
  


 

Jongdae isn’t an early riser, by any means, but years of the capitalist nine-to-five grind have ensured he sort of wakes up early whether he wants to or not, body working on autopilot.

However, compared to Baekhyun, he certainly wakes up a lot earlier, shuffling gently so as not to disturb him sleeping on Kyungsoo’s side of the bed as he reaches for his laptop, Baekhyun snuffling in his sleep. It’s so cute, Jongdae can’t help but smile.

The light from the screen must wake him up eventually, though, and Jongdae stops his absent minded browsing for the day to watch as Baekhyun’s eyelids twitch once, twice, before opening and glaring at him, all puffy.

“Morning,” Jongdae greets, with a smile even as Baekhyun shoots daggers his way for daring to wake up before noon.

“Morning,” he grumbles, squinting at Jongdae’s laptop screen before rolling over and pulling the covers over his head. “Kyungsoo would look better in black.”

Jongdae blinks, before turning a little red in realisation that Baekhyun had caught him… shopping, so-to-speak, for a potential anniversary gift.

“It’s not for Kyungsoo,” Jongdae admits, a little embarrassed.

Baekhyun is unresponsive at first, before he rolls back around, staring straight at Jongdae.

“Then you would also look better in black,” he says, suddenly wide awake as he pushes himself up on one arm, the covers slipping down his broad shoulders to pool around his hips. Hair mussed, skin riddled with scratches and bites, Baekhyun is utterly ravageable and Jongdae hates how much it gets to him. He arches an eyebrow. “What’s the special occasion?”

“It’s just-- something I’m interested in trying one day,” Jongdae reveals, biting his cheek as he continues scrolling through the lingerie sets idly, setting the category filter to black over red. “Maybe for an anniversary or something? Kyungsoo will hate me if I buy him anything but I thought I could… I don’t know…”

“Give him yourself?” Baekhyun asks, slowly snapping the laptop lid shut and pushing it to the empty space of the bed as he straddles over Jongdae’s thighs, who gulps. “All wrapped up in lace?”

“Is it too much?” Jongdae winces, unsure. “Do you think he’d like it?”

Baekhyun gives Jongdae an amused expression. “Unless he’s blind and possibly insane, yes, I think he’ll like it.” He presses a kiss to Jongdae’s jaw. “You’ll look so good.”

Jongdae shudders, all too aware of the way his body reacts to Baekhyun, wondering if he should even fight it. He doesn’t. Lets Baekhyun grab the lube because he’ll want the excuse to shower together later, fingering Jongdae open for what feels like hours until he’s begging, desperately needing to be touched. Baekhyun’s fingers are as beautiful as they are deadly, and Jongdae shakes as he comes, thighs clamping around Baekhyun’s forearm desperately, untouched as per usual. Jongdae is starting to think Baekhyun has a phobia of putting his hands on Jongdae's dick, at this rate.

Jongdae returns the favour as he drags Baekhyun into the shower with him, dropping to his knees obediently. Once they’re dry and clean enough, they just fall right back into bed, cuddling lazily.

“You’re still free to come with me on Friday, right?” Jongdae asks sleepily, as his plans for the week file through his brain one by one, trying to sort out what he needs before the weekend is up.

“Hm? Yeah,” Baekhyun agrees, tracing shapes on Jongdae’s hip where his arm is slung over his stomach. “But are you sure you want me to come?” He asks, causing Jongdae to furrow his eyebrows together. “I mean I’m… a little young.”

“Intimidated by the world of full-timers?” Jongdae teases, smoothing out the crease in Baekhyun’s forehead by stroking his hair. It’s so dry and frail from one too many drugstore dye jobs, but Jongdae doesn’t care. “Of course I want you there, Baekhyunnie, but--” Well, there’s a point about the office party he hasn’t mentioned yet. “You… might have to pretend to be my husband.”

Baekhyun pauses. Blinks. “Why?”

“Because they know I have a husband,” Jongdae answers. “So they’ll think that’s you.”

“And?” Baekhyun asks, irritation growing. “You’re not going to correct them?”

Jongdae shifts, uncomfortable. “Well it’s. Kind of difficult to explain, and this is my job we’re talking about Baekhyun, I can’t really... risk--”

Baekhyun laughs sharply, high-pitched and disbelieving. “Right,” he says, pulling back from Jongdae. “Wouldn’t want to make you feel ashamed at your job.”

Jongdae sighs. “Baekhyun, that’s not--”

But Baekhyun’s out of the bed already, picking his clothes off the floor. “Didn’t you say this relationship is equal, right at the start?” He asks, burning with fury. “So why am I being treated differently to Kyungsoo.”

“You’re not,” Jongdae tries. “I’m not-- I’m not treating you differently, Baekhyun, I’m just trying to keep us all safe.”

“Safe from what?” Baekhyun bites. “Judging coworkers?” Another bitter laugh, grating Jongdae’s eardrums. Baekhyun shakes his head. “Whatever. I’m just gonna go.”

“Hyun--” Jongdae tries, but nothing. Jongdae groans in frustration on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands, and curses the timezone between him and Kyungsoo right now. He knows how to handle Baekhyun’s moods better than Jongdae does, maybe he’ll know what to do.

  
  
  
  


 

It’s probably best to let Baekhyun cool off, try to assess the damage on his own… to no avail. Jongdae doesn’t understand why Baekhyun reacted the way he did --isn’t it reasonable to protect themselves from harsh judgement? Jongdae could genuinely ruin his career by introducing something so unconventional into a professional environment.

“I have five minutes,” Kyungsoo says, as Jongdae picks up from his re-dial, three hours after he sent a long text explaining the situation. “And you’re an idiot. Of course Baekhyun doesn’t want to feel like his relationship with us is shameful, what did you expect?”

Jongdae grunts, no greeting, no smalltalk, nothing. “But there’s a difference between being ashamed and being protective, Kyungsoo. There’s nothing wrong with hiding to protect ourselves, in a world like this.” After all, how can Kyungsoo talk, when Jongdae has kept himself locked away for so long, just for Kyungsoo’s sake?

Oh. So that’s how Baekhyun feels.

“But not all of us want to hide,” Kyungsoo says, gently. “So maybe don’t try to force them into cages.”

Jongdae sighs. “You’re right, sorry.” He laughs nervously, rubbing the back of his neck as he holds the phone against his ear. “I can’t believe Baekhyun and I had our first fight.”

“I can’t believe I had to resolve it,” Kyungsoo says dryly. “Maybe a third person to a relationship is a good thing after all.”

Jongdae snorts. “I still have to suck it up and apologise to him eventually, don’t count your eggs before they hatch.”

“You’ll do it, I know you will, you hate people being mad at you, regardless of who’s in the right,” it’s true, but Kyungsoo doesn’t have to say it. Jongdae pouts.

“He hasn’t complained to you about it, has he?” Jongdae asks, even though it’s wishful thinking. Baekhyun internalises his problems like there’s no tomorrow, and although Jongdae and Kyungsoo are pretty good at coaxing them out, there’s still a lot left to be desired about their fishing abilities.

“Of course not,” Kyungsoo scoffs. There’s a voice in the background, muffled by Kyungsoo’s hand over the microphone. “I have to go. You’re on your own now, Dae.”

The silence of the apartment is a reminder of the fact.

  
  
  
  
  


 

It’s kind of weird, Jongdae thinks a few days later after enough silence to drive him crazy, as he heads down the hall to Baekhyun’s apartment, that they just had their first fight. A landmark for any couple, surely, but Jongdae wishes he could find reason to celebrate it rather than feel so dejected --not that it’s a very celebratory thing, in hindsight, but maybe there’s something good about learning more about a person, even if it’s just learning how to hurt them.

It’s Sehun who opens after Jongdae’s three knocks, looking a little nervous but relatively impassive, judging Jongdae with a quick once over. He doesn’t say anything, but taking in Jongdae’s curled up form, steps aside nonetheless, jabbing his thumb to Baekhyun’s bedroom at the back of the apartment --Jongdae can tell it’s his, because there’s a supreme sticker stuck on its front, alongside various other brand franchises, even a sticker from the ice cream place down the road. Typical.

Baekhyun is engrossed in a game of League of Legends, as escapist as always, as Jongdae creeps in. Baekhyun swivels quickly at the movement, makes a sour expression, then says, “Can it wait? I’m trying to win.”

“That’s okay,” Jongdae sits down on the bed tentatively. When Baekhyun doesn’t chew him out for it, he settles into his spot a little firmer. “I’ll wait.”

He knows League isn’t a game you can quit until the match is over, so Jongdae just watches Baekhyun play in silence, before craning his neck around a little. He’s never actually… been in Baekhyun’s room, all things considered, everything kept to Jongdae and Kyungsoo’s apartment since they were already there, but it’s somehow not what he’d expected, and exactly what he’d expected. There are posters and various to-do lists stuck to the wall, memorisation sheets for exams he still hasn’t taken down, the bed unmade and clothes strewn all over the floor, but there’s something… empty about it. Something unloved. This is certainly a room belonging to Baekhyun, but Baekhyun is someone who was born to be loved, to give out smiles and laughter and happiness and receive it in return, but there are no photos in this room, no indications that anyone else has ever been in here, it’s like a cave of isolation all in itself. It’s somehow… cold. Jongdae frowns.

The match finishes, and still Jongdae waits, lets Baekhyun honor a teammate, chat with someone in the post-game lobby briefly --either shittalking them or commending them, Jongdae doesn’t know-- check his damage stats, the gold chart. Baekhyun clicks away easily, music emanating softly from his headphones, taking a lot longer than Jongdae suspects he actually needs to. Finally, he spins around.

“So?” He says, headphones around his neck, still playing music. It’s one of the bands Baekhyun had showed Jongdae, he can hear it so clearly in the silence. Baekhyun’s arms are folded across his chest. “Why are you here?”

“To apologise,” Jongdae starts, making sure his body language is open, honest, by not curling up on himself even as Baekhyun’s eyes shoot arrows into his chest “I’m not here to argue with you, Baekhyun.”

He softens at that, at least, looking a little surprised like he hadn’t expected Jongdae to apologise, blinking. It’s one of those expressions that makes Jongdae’s insides twist up, because he wonders how many people have hurt Baekhyun and made him live with the scars, no apology to bandage the wound.

“Oh,” Baekhyun replies. “I thought--” he doesn’t finish his sentence, but Jongdae knows how it ends. “--nevermind.” He waves with a small, smug smile. “Please, continue to grovel.”

It alleviates the atmosphere a little, if nothing else, Jongdae able to relax properly. “I’m sorry,” he states, clear and simple. “For not... for not understanding why I upset you so much, how stupid my request is but. But I want to,” Jongdae swallows. “Understand, that is. I mean it was… already silly but it felt like you… particularly… were hurt...” Jongdae doesn’t even know what he’s saying anymore, eloquence is so hard. “It’s important to talk about it so it doesn’t happen again.”

Baekhyun sighs, slouched on his fancy desk chair, spinning side to side idly as he chews on his lips. “I hate having to pretend to be something I’m not,” he states, simple and clear. It’s fair enough; who doesn’t. “I spent all my childhood pretending to--” Baekhyun cuts off suddenly, swallowing. “--so I don’t like doing it now, and…” he runs a hand through his hair. “And it’s already bad enough with Kyungsoo, you know? I don’t want to have to hide with you too.”

Jongdae’s face falls immediately. “Have you told Kyungsoo?” He asks, knowing exactly what Baekhyun is referring to. Not being able to tell people about Kyungsoo, hiding away, the secret dates and private rendezvous. Jongdae hasn’t even held Kyungsoo’s hand in public for four years, but at least he had gotten to, before --Baekhyun has just skipped straight to the secrecy, and if it’s this hard for Jongdae, even with years of experiences before it, then how must he feel...

Baekhyun shakes his head. “You’ve had years to tell him you hate it, and you haven’t,” Jongdae opens his mouth to argue, but it falls shut at Baekhyun’s pointed look. Kyungsoo knows Jongdae dislikes the hiding, but he also knows Jongdae is willing to put up with it --which he is, to an extent, but sometimes he loathes the secrecy so much it burns inside him, silent and unsaid. “Why should I? Kyungsoo’s privacy isn’t-- isn’t optional, I get that, but you… You have a choice, Jongdae. There aren’t thousands of people watching your every move, shoving you under a spotlight. You have no reason to hide.”

He’s right, and yet Jongdae can’t agree with him. Everyone exists under a spotlight of some kind, they’re just of varying sizes, really. Just because Jongdae doesn’t have a reverent tumblr fandom or professional critics waiting to tear him down doesn’t mean he doesn’t fear judgement, or the eyes of others. Celebrities aren’t the only people who keep secrets, _everyone_ keeps secrets, and it strikes Jongdae just how much he and Kyungsoo have treated Baekhyun like a secret, a little space at home of escapism and relief. Jongdae doesn’t want people to judge his love, his happiness, lest they sour it --and who could not, in a world as monogamous as this, on top of homophobic. Jongdae’s face falls with the realisation, and guilt floods through him quickly, causing his knuckles to turn white as he grips the tops of his knees sharply.

“You’re right,” Jongdae says, and melts. “About not wanting to hide. I don’t want to hide you, Baekhyun, not when I’m so proud to be able to--” he cuts off sharply, turning a little red at the realisation of how he nearly just dropped the L-word.”--know you, like you.” Jongdae swallows, avoiding eye contact. Smooth save. “But I do need to protect myself and my career, so I won’t force you to be something you’re not, but I don’t want you to come to my work function, either.”

Baekhyun stills, then nods slowly, as if that’s a fair assessment. He still seems hurt, and Jongdae sighs.

“I’m sorry,” he says quietly. “I wish I could be braver for you.”

“No it’s okay,” Baekhyun reassures, and his sad smile is sincere. “I guess this is just the life of me being the third, right?” Tucked and hidden away, a shiny little secret kept at home. Cages keep birds safe, but soon enough their wings will be too unused to fly.

“No,” Jongdae argues. “No. It’s not I--” He wants to be honest so badly, wants to climb a mountain and shout that he loves two people and that’s okay, but he can’t. He’s stuck in this cage of an apartment building being too afraid of the spotlight, wondering that if he moves towards it he will burn, or find something else on the other side of the blinding light entirely. “--I don’t want to hide you, Baekhyun, and I promise from now on I’ll stop trying to.” Jongdae inhales slowly, seeking the calming effects. “But I can’t… I can’t talk for Kyungsoo’s sake, but for me, for us, I’ll try.”

Baekhyun isn’t saying anything, just looking at Jongdae with clouded eyes.

“Are you--” Jongdae asks. “Are you crying!?”

He’s worried immediately, even as Baekhyun blinks the tears away and quickly wipes at his eyes.

“No,” he mumbles, shoulders shaking a little. “I just--” he laughs nervously. “--I’ve never fought with somebody like that never-- a boyfriend, but also never…. Never felt so relieved afterwards.” He’s a rambling mess as Jongdae quickly moves towards his chair, crouching by its side in order to tip Baekhyun’s chin towards him. “Sorry I just-- no one has ever--” he shakes his head quickly, pushing Jongdae’s hand away, although his concern remains. “Our first fight, huh?”

The change of topic doesn’t dampen Jongdae’s worries, either, but Baekhyun is slippery --it’s easier just to let him go, sometimes.

“Guess so,” Jongdae offers Baekhyun a small smile. “Kyungsoo is really our parental supervision after all.”

Baekhyun laughs breathily. “Let me guess, he had to tell you to apologise.” Jongdae purses his lips as Baekhyun’s next laugh grows louder, braver. “Knew it. Hopeless.”

Jongdae sighs, letting his forehead fall onto Baekhyun’s thigh. “I’m so used to pretending I forget some people don’t want to.” He mumbles, an excuse, for why he needed Kyungsoo’s straightforwardness to point out the reasoning, but also an apology.

“You don’t really strike me as that type of person, though,” Baekhyun replies quietly, stroking the back of Jongdae’s neck.

“I don’t think I am but I’m-- forced to be?” Jongdae’s mouth twists, still staring at the ground. “I guess I forgot how not to be, somewhere along the way.” He wishes he had something to give Baekhyun more than words and promises, but there’s too little notice; Jongdae tucks away the thought for later, though.

“Let’s go out tonight,” Jongdae suggests suddenly. Most of his dates with Baekhyun are limited to breakfast --well, considering Baekhyun’s waking hours, brunch-- cafes and staycations. When Kyungsoo is involved, it’s even more limited, either privatised fancy spaces or as far as their living room. “We can see a movie and I’ll buy dinner and just-- let me make up for this.”

“You have work tomorrow... “ Baekhyun reminds him, but Jongdae shakes his head.

“Don’t care,” Jongdae insists. “Let me drag my boyfriend around in public since I can actually do that.” Jongdae intertwines their fingers. “And we can ruin Kyungsoo’s notifications with lame selfies.”

Baekhyun laughs, bright and beautiful and fuck, Jongdae loves him so much --but Baekhyun isn’t ready for that yet, and in a way, neither is Jongdae.

“Okay,” he agrees, and Jongdae leans up to kiss him, swallow every giggle and peal of laughter that escapes Baekhyun’s lips.


	5. Chapter 5

The minute Kyungsoo gets home, dropped off by the security team, Baekhyun sprints to the front door like a puppy whose owner has returned, engulfing Kyungsoo in a hug.

Jongdae watches the ordeal with a smile, Kyungsoo’s cutely surprised face as Baekhyun just hangs off him, like he can’t believe Baekhyun would miss him, even after three weeks.

“I missed you,” Baekhyun says, voice muffled where his mouth is buried in the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck. “So much.”

Jongdae had sensed Kyungsoo absence in the little things; as much as he and Baekhyun were perfectly capable on their own, they were still a three at heart, so they’d only carried on with a distinct sense of something missing. Now that Kyungsoo is back, Jongdae feels whole again, and it warms his heart like a soothing balm, stinging in all the right places.

“Did Jongdae neglect you? Not take you for enough walks?” Kyungsoo teases, poking Baekhyun’s stomach to make him pull away.

“One person isn’t capable of giving Baekhyun enough affection,” Jongdae says, kissing Kyungsoo’s cheek as he’s finally no longer cockblocked by Baekhyun. “I missed you too, if it’s worth anything.”

“It isn’t,” Kyungsoo replies dryly, but Jongdae can see his pleased little smile, as if he’d expected he wouldn’t be missed. (Baekhyun and Jongdae had figured as much, and had made a pact that morning to smother Kyungsoo in affection for a few days so that he knows his absence had been felt, greatly. Like it had happened to Jongdae all those months ago, sometimes all someone needs is a little reminder that they’re loved.)

“Jongdae can’t cook like you can,” Baekhyun complains, making Kyungsoo laugh. “And he’s not as good with his mouth.”

“Hey!” Jongdae says. “You certainly weren’t complaining about it last night!!”

Baekhyun hums. “It felt rude,” Jongdae detaches himself from Kyungsoo to kick Baekhyun in the shin, like the mature adult he is. Baekhyun retaliates by moving to bite Jongdae’s shoulder, but they both freeze in place as Kyungsoo just laughs, louder than usual, startling them both.

“I missed you both,” he says, smiling in relief. “So, so much.”

“Of course you did,” Baekhyun says, and his smile is as arrogant as it is soft. “We’re amazing.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t even argue against it.

Jongdae orders take out as Baekhyun animatedly asks Kyungsoo about his travels, what he’s seen, how the interviews were, which ones he should look forward to.

“The Wired autocomplete interview was fun,” he muses. “And variety is always enjoyable, but I got asked a lot of questions and it was stressful…” God Kyungsoo is so cute as he mulls over his answer. “Paris was my favourite, I think. Very romantic. The radio host was really lovely, and I had really good arabic food.”

“Romantic huh? Without either of your boyfriends?” Baekhyun teases, and Kyungsoo just shrugs.

“Probably more romantic without you two making people file noise complaints,” Baekhyun and Jongdae both snicker. He still has a few more appearances here in L.A, not to mention another bout of appearances closer to the premiere next month, but other than that he’s completely free for the rest of summer and fall --mostly to deal with coddling Baekhyun, probably, while he has his last summer break before graduation, and a shiny piece of paper to force him into dealing with the real world --a shiny piece of paper he’ll definitely be getting, since he passed all his finals.

It’s good to have Kyungsoo back, a familiar comfort, and when Jongdae spots Baekhyun linking his hand with Kyungsoo’s underneath the table, he smiles at the sight. Home sweet home indeed.

  
  
  
  
  


“We need to book flights for the Chuseok weekend,” Kyungsoo says one morning offhandedly as he’s doing the dishes, listing off their to-dos for the weekend. “Before tickets get more expensive than they are.”

Jongdae swallows, taking a plate out of Kyungsoo’s hands. “About that.” Kyungsoo blinks expectantly. “I want Baekhyun to come with us.”

“Really?” Kyungsoo’s eyebrows raise immediately. “Are you sure?”

“It’s been months, Soo,” Jongdae says. “He deserves to meet our families.”

“I mean if we were monogamous, sure, but…” Kyungsoo bites his lips. “Have you even told your parents? Have you even asked Baekhyun?”

“I needed to ask you first, obviously,” Jongdae says, leaning against the counter cooly. He drums his fingers against the marble nervously. “Do you think it’s a bad idea?”

“I don’t know I mean… it’s Chuseok,” Kyungsoo says. “It’s a pretty big deal.” Even if the celebration is small and not so traditional, consisting mostly of Kyungsoo and Jongdae crashing at Jongdae’s parent’s place and skype calling the rest of their relatives back in Korea.

“And Baekhyun is a pretty big deal,” Jongdae replies, with a crooked smile. “I can’t imagine just leaving him here while we pretend he doesn’t exist, you know? Baekhyun deserves to be treated equally and I-- I want my family to meet him, to love him like I do.”

Kyungsoo stares at Jongdae. “You love Baekhyun?”

Jongdae hadn’t even noticed his slip, hand raising to his mouth immediately. “Um,” he clears his throat. “You… don’t?”

“I--” Kyungsoo’s eyebrows furrow together. “--I guess I do. Huh.” God he’s so cute when he’s surprised. “Have you told him?”

Jongdae blanches. “Oh god no.” Love doesn’t come as easily to Baekhyun as it does for Jongdae and Kyungsoo, who are as used to it as the sun rising. Love is something Baekhyun probably doesn’t understand quite yet, and Jongdae doesn’t want to make their already messy three-way relationship any messier by making Baekhyun feel pressured or something. “I guess I was going to wait until he was ready? Or maybe until you said it first.”

Kyungsoo huffs before poking Jongdae’s stomach. “Hopeless,” he reminds him, with a fond smile. “Let’s ask Baekhyun before telling your parents, okay? It’s his choice first.”

Jongdae nods, relieved that Kyungsoo is on board. “Right. Thanks, Soo.”

Kyungsoo gives him a puzzled look. “For what?”

“I don’t know,” Jongdae kisses his neck. “For putting up with me?”

Kyungsoo just cracks a small smile. “Always.”

  
  
  
  


 

Working out how to ask Baekhyun to meet Jongdae’s parents turns out to be harder than expected. It had been difficult enough for twenty year-old Jongdae to gather up the courage to ask Kyungsoo to come to dinner with his family one night, another entirely when it involves Kyungsoo still and also outing himself as polyamorous… or something.

As it stands, Baekhyun is still very much their boyfriend, and he sees through the atmosphere like that. “Okay,” he says, leaning forward to pause to movie they’d been watching. “You guys keep exchanging nervous glances and looking at me like I’m going to explode. What the hell is up?”

Jongdae had been hoping Kyungsoo, in all his blunt glory, would rip the band-aid off, but instead he just gives Jongdae a pointed look that means _your family, your problem_. Jongdae sighs.

“We want you to come with us to my parents’ place for Chuseok,” Jongdae says bravely, fidgeting a little. “And I-- I know you said you don’t really celebrate it anymore, but…”

“You want me to meet your family?” Baekhyun asks, looking sufficiently shocked. Jongdae nods. “But aren’t you-- aren’t you scared they won’t understand? I’m okay with not meeting them, you know--”

“Who cares if they’ll understand or not,” Jongdae takes Baekhyun’s hands into his. “I promised not to hide you anymore, remember?”

“I’m sure they’ll understand,” Kyungsoo interjects, placing a comforting hand on the back of Baekhyun’s neck, who looks to him with a mixed bag of emotions on his face. “Jongdae’s family are lovely, and once they meet you they’ll get it.”

“This is-- this is serious commitment,” Baekhyun says, causing Jongdae and Kyungsoo to laugh. “I mean. A whole weekend? Meeting your parents? I don’t want to ruin tradition, you know--”

“Baekhyun please,” Jongdae squeezes his fingers. “Just say yes. For us?”

“I--” he looks at Kyungsoo, then back at Jongdae. “--Only if you guys come to my graduation.” Jongdae blinks. What? “I-- I only get two tickets, you know, so I was thinking--”

“Shouldn’t your parents be there…?” Kyungsoo asks tentatively, and Jongdae knows exactly why. Baekhyun’s face darkens immediately, and that’s the reason; while they don’t know the full extent of what happened between Baekhyun and his parents --perhaps they never will-- it’s pretty clear to Jongdae and Kyungsoo that something has, from the way he always avoids talking about them, clamping up whenever he does. Sometimes secrets are so dark it takes a long, long time to learn about them.

“No,” Baekhyun answers shortly. “I mean--” his face contorts, discomfort emanating in waves. Kyungsoo places a hand on his thigh, and like that, Baekhyun relaxes, defenses falling away. “Look I don’t. I don’t talk to my parents anymore, and that’s something they forced me into when they chose to stop loving me.” He says the words so flatly and factual, it just makes Jongdae hurt even more, and by the look on Kyungsoo’s face, he’s not faring any better. Jongdae gets it, really, because immigrant Korean parents, who grew up in a developing country and migrated to find something better in a country that put them at the bottom, can be understanding on the rarest of occasions. It took months before Jongdae’s parents could properly understand why he was in love with a man, and Kyungsoo’s parents _still_ don’t like Jongdae. And that’s just his love life; Jongdae’s parents have entire thousand-word essays to give concerning his career and other life choices. “They’re the reason I had to defer for a year, y'know? So I don’t want them there. I want you.”

But at the end of the day, they’re his parents, and they’ll still love Jongdae no matter what. The idea that Baekhyun grew up in a family that don’t… it makes Jongdae nauseous.

Jongdae and Kyungsoo don’t poke or prod, seeing as how curled up Baekhyun has come, how vulnerable.

“Well then, of course we’ll be there,” Kyungsoo says, adding his hand to the pile, squeezing Baekhyun’s over Jongdae’s. “Nothing would make us prouder.”

“Are you sure?” Baekhyun asks. “I mean, what if someone asks why you’re there, or--”

“Then I’ll say it’s none of their business,” Kyungsoo replies shortly, causing Jongdae to laugh softly. “Really. I don’t want to let my fame get in the way of my life more than it already has.”

Jongdae blinks, a little stunned, giving Kyungsoo a cursory glance. That’s… certainly a new attitude, and given by Kyungsoo’s unsure expression of determination, he’s aware of the fact.

Given by the way Baekhyun smiles, so is he.

“Okay,” Baekhyun agrees. “Okay, then it’s a plan.”

  
  
  
  


 

 

Jongdae books three tickets back to New Jersey for the three days comprising the Chuseok weekend this year, as well as the subsequent Sunday, just because he might as well, taking the according days off work. That only leaves one thing left on the to-do list, and it’s certainly not the one Jongdae is looking forward to, but he does it anyway.

It doesn’t go well.

“Another guest?” His mother repeats, confused, all things considered, but after ten minutes of small talk Jongdae doubts she’d been expecting this.

“Yes,” he replies, in curt, awkward Korean, shifting. Kyungsoo squeezes his hand. “I thought you might want the heads up.”

“Well, then, I’d be happy to have your friend over for the holiday,” she says happily, like the ever-caring mother she is and Jongdae’s mouth hangs open, frozen, because this is it, moment of truth.

“Boyfriend,” he corrects quickly, so rushed it almost doesn’t sound legible.

“... What?”

“Boyfriend,” Jongdae repeats. Baekhyun is wide-eyed, watching him, gulping, and for some reason it’s his nerves that give Jongdae strength. This is Jongdae’s mother, she’ll always love him, regardless of whether she understands him. “He’s not a friend he’s. A boyfriend.”

“I’m sorry,” Jongdae’s mother says, and she switches to english, because she thinks he’ll understand that better. “I don’t understand. Kyungsoo is coming too?”

“Yes,” Jongdae says, and he squeezes Kyungsoo’s hand so tightly his knuckles turn white. Baekhyun bites his lip, unable to hear the other half of the phone conversation, breathing harshly through his nose. “Baekhyun is our boyfriend, mom. We’re both dating him.”

In hindsight, maybe Jongdae should have stuck to Korean, because at least this way Baekhyun wouldn’t have understood him --the way his face pales, even more nervous, now, makes Jongdae regret his choice. Either way, Baekhyun probably understands enough Korean to fill in the gaps no matter what Jongdae does.

Jongdae explains meeting Baekhyun, he and Kyungsoo both dating him, falling for him. His mother is silent throughout.

“I… really don’t understand,” she says eventually, laugh nervous. “Is this a joke?”

“No mom,” Jongdae sighs, releasing his hand from Kyungsoo’s grip to run it messily through his hair. “It’s not.” Jongdae inhales slowly, seeking courage. As his hand falls back down, Kyungsoo takes it easily again. There’s a lengthy, tense pause, and Jongdae doesn’t know what to expect, really.

“You can’t expect me to agree to this,” his mother says harshly. “You can’t bring that into our home--”

“It’s either him or nobody at all,” Jongdae replies easily, nails digging crescents into Kyungsoo’s palm. She inhales sharply, seeing his threat --she wants her perfect family time as much as she wants her son to be normal, but there’s only one of those things she can get.

“Fine,” She says eventually, curt, and Jongdae exhales in a slow rush. “But we’ll talk about this once you’re here.”

“Yeah,” Jongdae agrees, relaxing. “I guess so.”

It’s not closure, Jongdae knows, because this can’t be done over the phone, but his mother is his mother, and she knows an ultimatum when she sees one. Either Baekhyun stays with them for the holiday, or nobody does at all.

In hindsight, Jongdae probably could have broken the news to them a little bit softer than this, but it’s one of the only opportunities he’ll get. He doesn’t have time to fly back home every other week, and with his father’s blood pressure issues it’s not like his parents can pop in for a visit either. He wants to do this for Baekhyun, because he deserves to know Jongdae isn’t ashamed of him, and he wants to do it for himself and Kyungsoo, because their family deserves to love Baekhyun as much as they do. (Hopefully in a different sort of way, though.)

Nobody says anything as Jongdae puts his phone down, screen up, on the coffee table, all of them staring at as if it’s just shot a child, or something equally as offensive.

“So?” Baekhyun prompts, even though he’d been listening the whole time. “How’d it go?”

“Somehow better than I expected,” Jongdae admits, and they all laugh nervously, fermenting in the silence. Nobody really knows what to say, which is unusual for the three of them, but Jongdae feels more guilty than most. It was his phone call, after all, and he should tell them what to expect, that his mother didn’t accept what Jongdae had told her so much as he accepted his silent ultimatum; he should, really…

But then he looks up, and Kyungsoo is smiling, and Baekhyun is relaxed, unshackled by his relief, and Jongdae doesn’t know how to break it to them, because whatever comes next weekend, they’ll face it together.

  
  
  
  


 

 

Baekhyun, Jongdae learns, is terrified of airplanes.

He learns this the hard way, as Baekhyun stares out the window, gulps, and promptly squeezes Kyungsoo’s hand beside him, closing his eyes in the process. It’s kind of cute, which Jongdae feels bad for thinking, because Baekhyun _is_ terrified.

If he thinks heights are scary, Jongdae doesn’t want to know how his family will make Baekhyun feel.

Baekhyun is nervous, for obvious reasons, because this is probably the most serious, committed step he’s ever taken in a relationship, and he’s taking it in the oddest of situations. Kyungsoo is also nervous, because people keep giving him cursory glances, double-checking when they see the two men flanking his sides, and Jongdae is nervous, because…. Parents.

It makes for an interesting cocktail mix of atmosphere, as Jongdae organises their ride with the receptionist at the car rental place and Baekhyun yawns and places his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder on the waiting seats. Jongdae’s distracted by the movement briefly, out of the corner of his eye, the way Baekhyun’s eyes flutter shut and his red hair fans over Kyungsoo’s shoulder. There’s nobody in a rental place at Newark airport at six in the morning, but Jongdae can still see the way Kyungsoo seizes up, immediately on edge.

Then, he glances around, makes eye contact with Jongdae, and softens, making no moves to nudge a sleepy Baekhyun who probably isn’t even aware enough of his actions off his shoulder.

“Sir?” The receptionist asks, snapping Jongdae back to focus. “Your license, please.”

They haul their bags out to the small Hyundai Jongdae rented at the back of the lot, and Jongdae can’t stop flicking his eyes back to the way Baekhyun is running his hands through his hair nervously in the back seat, staring out the window.

“I’ve never been to the east coast before,” he starts, tracing his eyes over the brick stone buildings and the already leaf-bare streets. Baekhyun laughs softly, a simple huff through his nose. “Never even been on a plane. I had to catch a bus from Seattle…”

“You’re from Seattle?” Jongdae blurts, and can’t believe he’d never known. Baekhyun blinks sheepishly, as if caught.

“Ah, just outside the city…” he admits, pressing his fingers against the condensation covered glass and drawing a tiny smiley face on it with his index. It’s only just the start of fall, and yet New Jersey looks like it’s ready for snow. “I got sick of the rain.”

For Baekhyun, who was born to bloom and shine, who needs particular watering and feeding and love and attention in a spot by the windowsill under the constant sun, that makes sense.

(Jongdae tries to imagine it, a twenty-something year old Baekhyun running away from overbearing, homophobic parents and getting on the first bus transfer to L.A he can find. It must have taken over a day, crammed onto a single bus in old, sweaty clothes, and watching the landscape pass in anxiousness and fear because he’d had nothing to fall back on and nothing to lean towards either, just dangling on a highwire a thousand miles in the air. Jongdae tries to imagine it, but he can’t, because it hurts too much.)

Jongdae pulls into his family home with apprehension, tires crunching on gravel. The front yard is as perfect and lively as usual under his father’s green thumb, and Jongdae turns the car off and just. Stares. Nobody moves to get out.

“On a scale of one to ten, what am I meant to expect?” Baekhyun asks, now of all times, when it’s far too late to back out. Jongdae and Kyungsoo laugh, helping the tense atmosphere to fizzle out.

“Three days of food coma, a lot of Korean you probably won’t understand, and dogs,” Kyungsoo answers.

Baekhyun perks up. “Dogs?”

“We have two shiba inus,” Jongdae admits. “Coffee and Chai.” Baekhyun smiles, delighted. “My mom has a thing for hot drinks, I guess.”

“Okay, good, does she have a thing for cute third-wheeler boyfriends?” Baekhyun asks next, causing Jongdae to wince. “Because you know, that’s kind of more what I meant when I asked about what to expect.”

“You’re not a third-wheeler,” Kyungsoo sharply corrects. “And Jongdae’s family is incapable of negative emotions, it runs in their DNA.”

That seems to soothe Baekhyun over somewhat, knocking his head back against the seat headrest, exhaling slowly.

“Okay well, when you inevitably have a fight with your family about your lifestyle choices because of me,” he says, staring at the felt ceiling. “I’ll try to keep that in mind.”

Jongdae exchanges a glance with Kyungsoo. They open the car door at the same time.

As Jongdae’s mother opens the front door, Coffee comes scrambling out to greet them, while Chai limps behind as per usual. They’re rescue dogs from an abusive family --Coffee is blind and bumps into Baekhyun’s shins easily, unable to keep track, and Chai is missing a leg from an emergency amputation, but walks over just as hastily in order to sniff out the new smell.

“Hello boys,” Jongdae’s mother greets easily, enveloping Jongdae in a hug and then Kyungsoo, squeezing tight. She regards Baekhyun kneeling on the front porch, patting the two dogs happily. “You must be Baekhyun.”

“Hello,” Baekhyun returns, standing up sheepishly with a content Coffee in his arms, licking under his chin, as Chai jumps up pathetically for more attention. (It’s Kyungsoo who ends up indulging her, scooping her away from Baekhyun’s feet.) “It’s nice to meet you.”

“You too,” Jongdae’s mother says, smiling, and it’s impossible for Jongdae to tell if it’s genuine or not. There’s so much tension in the air Jongdae is afraid it would snap if he moved to suddenly, this bubbling of unanswered questions and unspoken words hidden under every layer of air. “Well, why are you all waiting outside? Come in.”

The house is familiar to Jongdae, but it stopped being home a long time ago, when he and Kyungsoo first moved out together into a tiny apartment at the edge of Jersey city, threadbare and pretty lackluster and, in hindsight, overpriced. But it had Kyungsoo in it, so it was home. Home is where the heart is, or something, but Jongdae has two boyfriends now, so does that mean he has two homes?

“Your brother won’t be coming until tonight,” Jongdae’s mother explains, as she leads them up to their room. Jongdae’s old bedroom, with a mattress set up on the floor. Baekhyun and Kyungsoo disguise their winces well, but Jongdae doesn’t, immediately pinching the bridge of his nose. “So you can all rest until he arrives. I’m sure the early morning flight has made you tired.”

She treats them like children and not fully grown men;  it’s typical of Jongdae’s mother, and it’s kind of cute, but he also finds it somewhat exhausting.

“Hey why don’t you guys unpack and I can give you a tour later?” Jongdae suggests to Baekhyun and Kyungsoo, who blink at him. “Mom can I talk to you downstairs for a sec?”

Her smile falters for the splittest of seconds, blatant need to be perfect in front of all guests no matter what shining through. “Of course.”

Jongdae shuts his old bedroom door behind him and only mildly regrets it once he hears Baekhyun say _hey is that a Naruto poster?_ behind him.

“Mom. Seriously?” Jongdae asks in Korean, crossing his arms over his chest as he walks downstairs.

“What?” She asks, confused. “What did I do?”

“The mattress on the floor,” Jongdae sighs. “I told you he was my boyfriend.”

“Well, it’s not like you can all fit on a double bed--”

“Mom, please,” Jongdae reasons. “Just write him an eviction notice while you’re at it.”

“I don’t understand, Jongdae,” his mother snaps. “I try to be accomodating and you take it as an attack?”

“It’s kind of hard not to,” Jongdae says back, keeping his voice calm, because he can’t yell at his parents no matter how hard he tries. “I know you don’t approve.”

“Of course I don’t approve!” His mother argues. “You think I want my son and his husband to bring some sort of-- _fetish_ into my home on a _traditional family holiday_ \--”

“Are you kidding me?” Jongdae bites back, frustrated. “A fetish? We _love_ him, mom. Is it so hard for you to understand that?”

“Maybe it is,” she says with finality, nostrils flaring in a way Jongdae has only seen a handful of times in his life, when his mother actually loses her composure. “Liking… men, I understand Jongdae, that is a part of you, but this… this is a _choice._  A choice you made, and a choice I do not approve of.” She shakes her head quickly.

“I didn’t choose to fall in love with him,” Jongdae warns lowly. “So why am I meant to fight that just because the world tells me to?”

His mother’s face twists, soured, unhappy. Her need for perfection is something he can understand, to a certain extent, the nicest garden and nicest house, the best sons and the metaphorical _most perfect life_ trophy displayed above the fireplace. He gets his mother need to conform to that, but he doesn’t get her inability to look beyond it. Sometimes it feels like she loves the little fantasy nuclear family she has in her head more than she actually loves Jongdae, who has failed to fit into that picture in every single way. Liking one man already changed their relationship to a certain extent, liking two men isn’t helping.

“It’s not that simple,” his mother mutters quietly. “You can’t just bring this into my home and expect us all to accept it like it’s nothing, with no warning. How are you going to explain this to your father, Jongdae? To your brother? Your niece?” Her face is red with rage. “How are you going to explain to a four year-old child that you bring bad bedroom habits into our _home-_ -”

“Oh my god shut _up_ ,” Jongdae yells, finally losing his temper. “I’m sorry for ruining our family fucking holiday by trying to bring a part of _my_ family into it. I see that that was a mistake now.”

His mother relents. “Jongdae, please--”

He walks swiftly out of the kitchen, leaving her behind, only to find Kyungsoo and Baekhyun sitting on the stairwell --Baekhyun nervously jittering his legs on the top step, and Kyungsoo standing beside him against the railing, evidently eavesdropping. Jongdae freezes.

“Why don’t we take the dogs for a walk?” Kyungsoo suggests, walking down the steps slowly. He squeezes Jongdae’s shoulder. “Give you two some time to cool down before dinner.”

“Yeah,” Jongdae relents, relaxing beneath Kyungsoo’s touch. “Yeah, good idea.”

They grab Coffee and Chai’s leashes off the hook by the door, and Jongdae crouches down to show Baekhyun how to help Chai into her special harness.

“You might have to carry her on the way back, she gets tired easily,” he explains, clipping her in finally. He turns to Kyungsoo, who is patting Coffee happily. “Ready?”

As soon as they’re out of the house, Jongdae already feels better, no longer suffocated by his anger or his mother’s, for that matter, breathing freely. Baekhyun is the first to break the silence.

“I’m sorry,” he says, immediately, wringing Chai’s leash around his wrist. “This is my fault.”

“No, it isn’t,” Jongdae sighs, running a hand through his hair, as Kyungsoo just nudges Coffee in the right direction with gentle tugs of the leash so she won’t bump into anything.

“Yes it is,” Baekhyun counters. “I pressured you into this and I agreed to come and now you’re fighting with your mom on a family holiday and it’s my fault--”

“Baekhyun, stop,” Kyungsoo sharply scolds. “It’s not your fault. We all agreed to do this together, as a step in our relationship.” Baekhyun swallows, guiltily, as they all stop on the sidewalk. Kyungsoo looks like he wants to reach out and comfort Baekhyun, but they’re in public, so he can’t. “It hasn’t even been an hour yet. Jongdae’s mom just needs some time to adjust to something unfamiliar.”

“Okay, but, that’s just his mom,” Baekhyun argues. “What about your dad or your brother or your niece--”

“Will all come around too,” Kyungsoo says, glancing at both Jongdae, who is remaining silent in thought, and Baekhyun. “Honestly, I know what Jongdae’s family is like, and I know how they can be. Stubborn, just like you,” Kyungsoo pokes Jongdae’s stomach, who huffs at the gesture and pushes his hands away. “But also equally as understanding. You can’t expect people to comprehend our life choices straight away, and you also can’t get angry at them when they don’t.”

Okay, that was pointed. Jongdae sighs.

“We have all weekend to help convince them that what we have between us isn’t a mistake,” Kyungsoo reasons. “So let’s try not to blame ourselves and start arguments, okay?”

Jongdae’s lips twitch. “Pretending to be more perfect than we are? It’s just like old times.”

“I hate acting,” Baekhyun hums in thought. “But if it’s acting out of pettiness, then that’s a different story.”

Kyungsoo just grins, so bright and beautiful it curves his eyes and Jongdae feels him fall just that little inch deeper in love with him, unable to help but swoop forward and kiss him, simply out of habit. Baekhyun’s jaw drops open, and Kyungsoo pushes Jongdae back immediately, wide-eyed and frightened as he glances around, pale, and Jongdae’s whole body freezes as he realises the colossal mistake he’s just made. He expects Kyungsoo to scold him for it, but he doesn't.

“Let’s keep going,” Kyungsoo blurts, stubbornly pushing ahead with Coffee in tow, shoulders raised. Baekhyun just throws Jongdae a helpless look before following Kyungsoo.

“Any other big fuck ups you’d like to make today?” Jongdae mutters, asking himself, and laughs bitterly at the lack of response.

  
  
  
  


 

 

Dinner is awkward, to say the least, because if Jongdae thought his mother hadn’t taken Baekhyun’s guest appearance well, then he has no idea how to label the way Jongdeok, Jongdeok’s wife, and their dad are treating it. The whole table conversation revolves around everyone except Baekhyun, who is being treated as a ghost, and Jongdae, who is being treated like the bad son he is, or so he assumes. It’s pretty hard to keep up most traditions when half their relatives live in Korea and can’t afford to fly out, it’s not like there are graves where Jongdae can find half of his ancestors in the middle of New Jersey or any huge festivals, so the Chuseok weekend is some strange, hybridized holiday for the family that consists mostly of being together while they can, making all the usual foods, video calling other relatives when the time zones aren’t so far apart and, apparently, giving the fucking silent treatment.

It’s ridiculous. Even Jongdae’s niece can tell something is off, staying uncharacteristically quiet and glancing around at everyone, trying to figure out what’s wrong in that instinctive way kids have --she’d squealed and giggled happily when Jongdae had greeted her before, spinning her in the air, but then her mother had taken her back as if she was afraid Jongdae’s hands would dirty her. At Jongdae’s feet, Chai curls up and whines. Apparently humans aren’t the only uncomfortable ones, or maybe Jongdae’s just imagining things in his plight for sympathy.

His knuckles turn white around his chopsticks, and while Kyungsoo politely answers another question about work --as if he’s _not_ also Baekhyun’s boyfriend-- Jongdae boils with anger. He wants to confront them --something he’s not used to, really, but months of a polyamorous relationship have taught him how important communication, even in confrontation, can be-- wants to scold them, yell at them, something. But he can’t. He just sees his niece quietly eating the little songpyeon Jongdae’s mom had pretended to help her make and he can’t. He’s not going to chew out his family for being close-minded in front of a kid, it’s just not fair.

As they finish eating, Jongdae’s mother wordlessly clears the plates, as the rest of the people giving him the silent treatment offer to help, and his niece, Hana, follows her parents dutifully, leaving Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, and Jongdae alone at the empty table, an obvious message in and of itself.

Baekhyun opens his mouth, possibly to curse, or apologise, or break the atmosphere somehow, but he stops promptly when Hana quickly sneaks back out of the kitchen and holds out her hand.

“Hello, I’m Hana.” She says simply. “Mommy says I should always introduce myself to new people, but she didn’t let me introduce myself to you.”

Baekhyun, bewildered, looks at Kyungsoo and Jongdae for guidance, who can only shrug in response. He takes Hana’s hand. “I’m Baekhyun,” he replies. “It’s very nice to meet you, Monkey.”

Hana looks down at her t-shirt, proudly declaring _Monkey_ on it with a printed banana and curly font, and beams.

“Should I call you uncle?” Hana asks, rocking back and forth on her feet. “‘Cuz if you’re Uncle Jongdae’s boyfriend you should be an uncle like Uncle Kyungsoo too, right?”

Baekhyun’s eyes widen almost comically, as Jongdae laughs before he can stop himself.

“And how do you know Uncle Baekhyun here is Uncle Jongdae’s boyfriend?” Kyungsoo asks softly, also amused, gathering by the smile on his face.

“Because I heard _them_ arguing about it,” Hana whispers conspiratorially, and points not-so-subtly back at her parents in the kitchen. Baekhyun is clearly holding back a smile. “They think I can’t hear them in the hallway at night ‘cuz I’m asleep but I’m not.”

“That’s very cheeky of you, Hana,” Baekhyun teases. “But as your uncle I approve.”

Hana just beams, and Jongdae’s heart melts a little because dear God, being good with children should not be as attractive as it is --and not even in a sexual away, it’s like some dogged instinctual urge to be a parent inside of Jongdae swoons at the way Baekhyun is handling Hana. Judging by Kyungsoo’s indescribably fond expression, he’s in the same boat.

“So are you Uncle Baekhyun’s boyfriend too?” Hana suddenly asks Kyungsoo. “‘Cuz my mommy always said sharing is caring.”

Kyungsoo stammers, caught off-guard. “Yes,” Baekhyun answers for him. “Yes he is. Jongdae and Kyungsoo are very good at sharing.”

Jongdae tries not to laugh at the way Kyungsoo swiftly kicks Baekhyun underneath the table, who doesn’t even flinch. “Ohhhhhh,” Hana says.

There’s a small stack of Songpyeon still on the table, and Hana tries to reach for it, Jongdae pulling her into his lap so she can. She shouldn’t have more dessert, he knows, but he feels like the kid deserves it.

“It doesn’t gross you out that your uncles love more than each other?” Jongdae asks, unable to help himself, because he’s curious. A cursory glance at his family in the kitchen shows they’re still too caught up in dishes and whisper-arguing with each other (about him, undoubtedly) to notice Hana has snuck away.

“Hmmmm nope,” she says, biting into a rice cake and wrinkling her nose because it’s not the flavour of filling she’d been after, pushing it away stubbornly. Jongdae picks up the scrap and eats it himself, so it won’t go to waste. “I already knew you were weird because you liked boys.” Jongdae half-chokes on the songpyeon in his mouth. “But weird doesn’t mean bad. A girl at my school always calls me weird, but I think she just doesn’t like me ‘cuz I’m better at coloring than her.”

It’s such a simple, naive outlook on life, it makes Jongdae laugh.

“Well how couldn’t she be?” He asks, with mocking layers of drama. Kyungsoo and Baekhyun are both smiling. “You’re the Queen of coloring in.” He tickles her stomach for added effect, and Hana laughs easily, bright giggles that seem to lift off a weight on Jongdae’s shoulders. Funny, that Jongdae’s mother was worried about explaining this all to Hana, when she’s the one who gets it most.

She’s giggling almost uncontrollably as she squirms in Jongdae’s lap, attempting to break free, and he stops only when he spots Jongdeok leaning in the doorframe, watching them.

“Hana,” Jongdeok says gently. “Come here and let’s get you to bed, okay?”

“But I don’t want to go to bed,” Hana sticks out her tongue. “I have to share a room with you and you snore, daddy. Can’t I sleep in Uncle Jongdae’s room?”

“I don’t think so,” Jongdeok says, and Hana obediently slides out of Jongdae’s lap to take her father’s hand as he leads her upstairs, giving Jongdae one, unreadable look as he carries his daughter upstairs. It had been a mix of things, anger, maybe even disgust, but one thing had been clear. _We’ll talk later_.

  
  
  
  


 

Jongdae decides to excuse them from the table without saying anything, no matter how rude it may seem, if his family wants to give the cold shoulder, then so will he. They take turns showering before bed, and when Baekhyun comes out last, heading towards the floor mattress, Jongdae says, “And what do you think you’re doing?”

Baekhyun, half tucked in, replies, “Going to bed?”

Jongdae and Kyungsoo look at each other, and Jongdae pats the space between them. “Your bed is here, dummy.”

Baekhyun falters. “You can’t be serious, we won’t all fit on that, it’s tiny!”

“O ye of little faith,” Jongdae chides, clicking his tongue.

Kyungsoo just laughs and says, “Come on Baekhyun, you know you won’t hear the end of it unless you indulge him.”

“Exactly!” Jongdae agrees. “My bedroom, my rules. This isn’t back home, you know, you don’t have any regency here.”

Baekhyun just looks a mix between confused and amazed, and he laughs as he stands up, flopping right between his two boyfriends.

“I hate you two,” he says muffled by the pillows as he’s quickly squashed into a group hug. “Have I mentioned that?”

“Hmm,” Kyungsoo pretends to think about it, humming. “Don’t think so. I thought the reason we were together was because you liked us.”

“Uh-uh,” Baekhyun quickly disagrees, rolling around to smirk at Kyungsoo. “I believe we’re here because you two liked _me_ , and couldn’t possibly find your own relationship to be enough without me.” He sighs dramatically, holding the back of his hand against his forehead as he nestles into the pillow.

“We can always retract that,” Kyungsoo teases dryly, poking Baekhyun’s side so that he yelps loudly, and Jongdae laughs, flicking off the light on the bedside table. He’s emotionally wrung out from… the whatever with his family, tired from waking up to catch that early flight, and all round exhausted. But being here, with Kyungsoo and Baekhyun, makes Jongdae regret none of it.

As the room grows quiet and Jongdae throws his arm over Baekhyun, feeling Kyungsoo’s arm beneath his doing much the same, Baekhyun whispers, “Hey Jongdae?”

He replies with an unintelligible noise that sounds something like _mmfmfmggf?_

Jongdae can practically hear Baekhyun biting his lip. “Did you mean it, before, when you were arguing with your mom…” he swallows, audible in the silence. Over Baekhyun’s shoulder, Jongdae can see Kyungsoo’s eyes are open. “... that you both loved me?”

“I--” Jongdae falters, but he can’t lie about it, and he doesn’t have an excuse, either. Shit, he hadn’t meant for Baekhyun to hear that, but probably should have factored that in.

“Yes,” Kyungsoo says suddenly. “He did.”

“Oh,” Baekhyun relents. “Okay.” There’s a thick, heavy pause, where Jongdae and Kyungsoo are just… waiting. But what they’re waiting for never comes. “Good night.”

Kind of an awkward end, all things considered --Kyungsoo and Jongdae just exchange amused looks in the dark over Baekhyun’s stubbornly ‘pretending to sleep’ figure.

“I love you guys too,” Baekhyun squeaks out, eventually, minutes later, voice muffled by the blanket he’s pressed against his mouth. “If it’s any consolation.”

Jongdae’s grin grows before he can stop himself.

“If it’s any consolation,” Kyungsoo replies, hand wriggling away from Baekhyun’s waist to touch his cheek. “If we weren’t in Jongdae’s childhood house with his whole family sleeping on the same floor in a double bed, I would definitely make us have sex right now.”

Jongdae laughs, while Baekhyun shoves Kyungsoo, making the bed rock and dangerously making Kyungsoo nearly fall off the edge. “Pervy old man,” he seethes, with no true bite.

“A pervy old man that you love,” Jongdae reminds Baekhyun, kissing his neck.

“Hey, you love him too,” Baekhyun argues. “Pot calling the kettle black, much?”

“But I fell in love with him when he was young and not so pervy,” Jongdae reminisces wistfully. “Can I truly be blamed for holding onto what we once had?”

“I want a divorce.” Kyungsoo states flatly. Baekhyun and Jongdae laugh so hard Jongdeok thumps on the wall between their rooms and tells them to shut up.

Then they’re all rolling in the bed in an attempt to stifle their giggles, far too happy to care about what Jongdeok wants them to do, let alone the rest of Jongdae’s family.

  
  
  
  


 

 

The morning is somehow less awkward than the night before, with Jongdae’s mother actually greeting him and Baekhyun and asking how they slept.

Baekhyun looks like he’s forgotten how to speak English.

“Fine,” Kyungsoo answers, for both of his stupefied boyfriends. “We slept fine. Would you like some help preparing lunch today, Mom?”

Jongdae had expected Jongdeok’s tough older brother love talk sometime throughout the day, but he hadn’t expected the invite to the park --mostly at Hana’s insistence, of course, who clings to Baekhyun’s hand and demand he come too. Jongdeok, weak father that he is, can’t say no, and somehow Jongdae and his brother are walking their dogs up to the park like they’re kids again, while Hana makes Baekhyun go on the slide with her. Jongdeok pulls Jongdae aside to sit with him on the swings, as Coffee and Chai run around in the leash-free area. 

“Okay, so, rip the bandaid off,” Jongdae says cleanly, wishing he had Kyungsoo here to mediate things instead of cooking with Jongdae’s mom in the kitchen like the little brown-noser he is, always out son-ing Jongdae. “Yell at me for corrupting your kid and soiling your family, it’s not like Mom did it all yesterday.”

“I was going to, originally,” Jongdeok admits, clean and simple, but he’s always been that type of person. Blunt and straight to the point, like Kyungsoo, but not nearly as soft. “Because, you know, you didn’t even tell me about this, I just had to hear it from Mom a week before now.” Jongdeok sighs. “I’m your brother, Jongdae. How could you not tell me?”

Jongdae opens his mouth, falters. “I couldn’t tell anyone about it, at first,” Jongdae says, staring at his feet as they swing back and forth idly. His butt is too big for the swing-seat, all things considered, yet he still feels so small. “And then I just… I don’t know. I didn’t know how to.”

“I won’t say I get it,” Jongdeok says, watching Baekhyun play with Hana. “But I won’t say I… don’t get it, either. I think I’m still trying to make up my mind.” He rubs the back of his neck. “At first I was mad because I thought you’d made some stupid choice, but…” he shrugs. “Now I think I’m just mad you couldn’t have told us in a better method. Chuseok, Jongdae, really?”

Jongdae runs a hand through his hair. “I had to make sure mom and dad met him before they buried me in disappointment.”

Jongdeok softens at that, piteous. “They’re not disappointed, Jongdae. They’re just confused. Hell, I was confused too that apparently my gay little brother had decided to be like… extra gay.”

“I’m bi,” Jongdae corrects, even though he knows it’s redundant.

“Whatever, you’re gay at the moment.” Jongdae really, _really_ wants to correct Jongdeok about bisexuality not exactly being a light switch he turns off and on but… he’s tired. It’s early morning and he’s not here to have a discussion about nuanced biphobia. “I thought it was weird or like, some kinky shit or something--” Jongdae rolls his eyes. “--but then last night Hana asked me if she’ll ever be lucky enough to have so many people that love her and I just…” Jongdeok’s mouth twists. “... It was like somehow I got it, even though I don’t get it.”

“Do you get it or not?” Jongdae asks, amused.

“I don’t know, I don’t get if I get it or not,” Okay then. “But I guess I do get that you’re happy, and you really love this guy, yeah, but also Hana really loves this guy, and I guess I trust my daughter’s judgement more than yours, so…”

Jongdae punches his brother’s shoulder. “Asshole.”

Jongdeok just laughs. “You’ve got nothing on a four year old’s instinct, kid. You’re blinded by gayness.”

“Okay Jongdeok first of all, later on you and I are going to have a chat about bisexuality and how as a straight person you really shouldn't say things like ‘gayness’,” he puts a hand on his brother’s shoulder, who gulps, a little nervous. “But also, thanks, I think, for the pseudo-pep-talk. For coming around.” He squeezes a little tighter. “I know it’s… unconventional, so it means a lot to me that you’re at least attempting to understand.”

Jongdeok hums. “Mom and Dad are too, okay. Give them a little credit. You’re kind of blowing their conservative Korean minds with each passing day.”

Jongdae laughs. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

“We’re not ignoring you, you know, we’re just trying to work out how to talk about it without upsetting you or ourselves. It’s awkward.” Jongdae softens at that. “And don’t worry,” Jongdeok says. “I didn’t do it for you, I did it for Kyungsoo. You know I’m a fan.”

Jongdae just groans, as Jongdeok cackles, ruffling his hair.

“Love you too lil’ brother.”

  
  
  
  
  


Jongdae spends the walk home emotionally turned on half by Baekhyun’s handling of Hana, and half by Baekhyun’s handling of Jongdeok, who he sucks up to easily, complimenting him on his parenting and for being _the better son out of two,_  whatever the hell that means. He nails Jongdeok’s rough, egotistical humour to a tee within seconds, and Jongdae elates at how well they get along, even if it comes at his expense sometimes (most of the time).

Jongdae juggles a tired out Chai in his arms as Jongdeok opens the front door, and he really, really doesn’t expect to hear Kyungsoo’s laughter in the kitchen, ringing throughout the front hall. Jongdae and Baekhyun exchange a look.

“Hello boys,” Jongdae’s mother greets. “How was the walk?”

Baekhyun still looks like he’s forgotten how to speak English, so Jongdae says, “Fine,” curtly, and hangs up the leashes. Jongdeok leads Hana outside with Chai and Coffee in tow. “So… you’re talking to us now?”

Her eyebrow twitches. “Jongdae, that’s not fair,” she switches to Korean, knowing Baekhyun won’t understand as well. “We weren’t ignoring you, we just don’t know how to integrate this… choice of yours, into our family. We’re trying, Jongdae, isn’t that enough?”

“It is,” Baekhyun speaks out, in hesitant, slow, accented Korean. He bows over. “Thank you for trying, I know something like this can be hard to understand but…” he rises up, swallowing. “I really do love your son and Kyungsoo, and I only want them to be happy.”

Jongdae’s mom softens, sighing. “I understand that, I only want that too.” She offers Baekhyun a timid, yet genuine, smile. “I’m sorry for not being a gracious host, Baekhyunnie. I was hurt and confused.”

“It’s okay,” Baekhyun reassures. “I understand, really. Jongdae is lucky to have such loving parents.”

Jongdae takes Baekhyun’s hand then, interlacing their fingers. His mother watches the movement with an unreadable gaze.

“Yes,” she says eventually, softening. “I guess he is. Now come on,” she turns around and promptly walks into the kitchen. “Are you going to let Kyungsoo do all the work?”

Baekhyun and Jongdae exchange a glance, but quickly follow her through, where Kyungsoo is juggling four things on the stove, chopping something on the counter, and watching over another something in the oven too.

“Hey,” Jongdae kisses his cheek as he hangs off his shoulder. “How can I help?”

“Just start setting the table,” Kyungsoo tells them, waving his hands, as Baekhyun awkwardly stands off to the side, like he’s afraid to touch either of them. It makes Jongdae’s heart hurt.

“Did you work some of that pro actor charm on my mom?” Jongdae mutters, right in Kyungsoo’s ear. He smiles.

“Just a little, I figured she needed a different perspective.” He slides the chopped ingredients into one of the pots. “Also, we all know she likes me more than you.”

Jongdae rolls his eyes as Kyungsoo just laughs, but grabs some placemats and chopsticks nonetheless, heading towards the dining table. The actual day of Chuseok is usually spent eating way too fucking much, which is exactly what Jongdae knows is going to happen as he spreads out each individual dish Kyungsoo hands him, each smelling better than the last, all his mother’s recipes, of course.

It ends up being a lot better than last night, all things considered, as his parents ask Baekhyun about his life and he answers each question uncharacteristically shy, his bravery growing the longer the meal goes on. He even starts cracking a few jokes, here and there, making the whole table laugh, and Jongdae focuses on eating to hide his smile, because _this_ is what he wanted, for everyone to see Baekhyun for the light that he is, no matter how unconventional the circumstances.

If anything, Jongdae would say his parents are going out of their way to be extra nice to Baekhyun, to make up for their initial reservations. They offer him endless amounts of food, excuse him from doing dishes, and insist he play something on the old piano Jongdae used to take lessons on for them, later. Baekhyun looks a little overwhelmed with the attention, but happy, and it relaxes Jongdae immensely, no longer feeling like he has to be on guard in his own home.

After Skype calling Jongdae’s aunts and uncles and cousins overseas, as well as Kyungsoo’s, and exchanging gifts and money, they move towards the front living room to let Baekhyun play, and he does so tentatively at first, getting a feel for the piano, before breaking out into song. Jongdae and Kyungsoo have never seen him perform like this, and they grin at each other immediately because Baekhyun is really, _really_ good. He even starts singing as an accompaniment, and Jongdae can now see why Baekhyun chose a music degree. Jongdae was wrong to ever compare Baekhyun to a blooming flower or a brand new tree, because Baekhyun is a song, _accelerando_ and _crescendo_ , loud and jarring, but the kind that you just can’t listen to without smiling, heart racing.

“That was amazing,” Kyungsoo compliments easily, tugging Baekhyun into a hug. “Maybe we should buy a piano at our place to make you perform more.”

Baekhyun seems flustered by the contact, casting a glance towards Jongdae’s parents, who just smile up at him, also giving their compliments.

“Only if you pay me,” Baekhyun says. “Performers can’t work for free, y'know.” The whole room laughs.

  
  
  
  


 

 

The rest of the weekend passes lazily and smoothly, with Jongdae occupying a lot of his time with Baekhyun, Hana and Kyungsoo --when he isn’t in the kitchen learning more Kim family recipes. It all works out for the best, and each night when Baekhyun plays a different song on the piano Jongdae can’t stop thinking about how happy he is. Not only with Baekhyun and Kyungsoo, but with the fact that his family have come around to Baekhyun, have learnt to accept their odd relationship dynamic. It makes him wonder how many people could be persuaded to learn that this is okay, if Jongdae were brave enough to teach it to them.

As they’re leaving to go back to the airport, Jongdae’s mother embraces them all tightly, even Baekhyun.

“Now I better be seeing you all for Christmas,” she warns. “Especially you, Baekhyunnie. We’ll need someone to play all the carols.”

Baekhyun smiles easily, and he looks so at home, now, Jongdae thinks, with a family that loves him.

“Of course,” he replies, brighter than the sun behind him and sweeter than any song in the world. “I’ll be there.”

The whole drive to the airport and flight home is spent talking about most of the weekend, recapping the wild parts as Baekhyun puts a comedic spin on his awkwardness at the start, and he makes Kyungsoo and Jongdae laugh until their sides hurt.

“We were so worried about this, initially,” Baekhyun says absentmindedly. “But it kind of all worked out for the best. I think they really began to understand that sharing love isn’t a bad thing at all, you know?” He grins. “It just… it really gave me hope, I guess, that not everyone is going to shun us for this or something.” He laughs a little nervously. “We really don’t have anything to be ashamed about, I’m… kinda proud of us and how this relationship worked out.”

“Yeah,” Jongdae agrees. Maybe he will tell his coworkers about this, someday. “Me too.”

Kyungsoo is pensively silent, even when they go out for ice cream down the street that night once they’re home, to celebrate the success of the weekend. (And also because Baekhyun demanded it; Kyungsoo and Jongdae can’t deny him anything.) Jongdae wants to ask him what’s wrong, but when he does Kyungsoo says it’s fine and covers it up with a smile, even when Jongdae and Baekhyun both prod.

At one stage, Baekhyun gets ice cream on his cheek, and Jongdae licks it off for him, making Baekhyun laugh loudly under the streetlamp on the little bench they’re sitting on. Kyungsoo looks at them a little wistfully, with that same, wants-to-touch-but-can’t look he carries around often, but it breaks when Baekhyun reaches out regardless, holding Kyungsoo’s hand, and doing the touching for him.

In most situations, Kyungsoo would pull away, glance around him, dissolve into fear. But he doesn’t, just lets Baekhyun hold his hand in the middle of the street wordlessly as they all eat ice cream, and that, to Jongdae, speaks more volume than words ever could.


	6. Chapter 6

When Baekhyun’s name is called, Jongdae has to resist the urge to cheer and whoop, considering the head of faculty had asked for all applause to wait until the end. He shines on stage in his cap and gown, accepting his degree with a beaming grin, and Jongdae and Kyungsoo both smile at each other, hideously in love.

After cheering obnoxiously and watching Baekhyun throw his cap into the air, Kyungsoo and Jongdae take him out to dinner, congratulating him on finishing his degree despite the obstacles. (Deferring for a year after his parents forced him into running away, transferring across state, working ridiculous hours in order to pay off his student debt.) Now Baekhyun is ready to start handing off job applications and applying for internships while deciding whether he wants to do his masters or not, but Jongdae won’t ruin his night by mentioning that.

“Thank you, both, really, for coming,” Baekhyun says, biting his lip. “It means a lot to me. I probably wouldn’t have even gotten through my finals without you.”

“We did nothing,” Kyungsoo insists, reaching across the table to take Baekhyun’s hand. In the public restaurant, Jongdae’s eyes widen. “You got here all on your own, and we are so proud of you.”

“I love you,” Baekhyun blurts, because it’s like he just can’t help himself sometimes. “Thanks for letting me ruin your marriage.”

Kyungsoo and Jongdae laugh, exchanging a glance.

“We love you too,” Kyungsoo replies, and Jongdae reaches out across the table to take Baekhyun’s other hand, completely uncaring.

  
  
  
  


“I just can’t believe our bedroom is going to have a pink wall,” Baekhyun says, shaking his head, as he drags the paint brush across the surface. It takes a while to actually start a personal project even if you’ve sorted out all the details, it’s in adulting 101. "Any birthday wish in the world, and you chose this." He knocks his hip against Jongdae's. "The big three-oh spent watching paint dry. You really are old."

Jongdae rolls his eyes, and Kyungsoo arches an eyebrow from where he’s leaning against the doorframe, arms folded across his chest. “‘Our bedroom’?” He quotes teasingly.

“Well, you know,” Baekhyun’s neck flushes bright red, avoiding eye contact as he suddenly becomes very focused on the half-painted wall. “I’m in here enough for this decision to affect me too.”

Jongdae just laughs as he picks up the tin labelled _fairy floss_ , pouring a little more into the tray to pull his roller through. Baekhyun slips up a lot more these days, opening up little and little, and each and every time Kyungsoo and Jongdae are sure to notice when he does, so that he’ll be comfortable doing it the next time, too. When someone has been hurt as much as Baekhyun has, it’s hard to make them unlearn defense mechanisms, but hopefully in an environment where he feels loved and comfortable, he’ll be able to do it, for his own sake.

At some stage Baekhyun smears paint on Jongdae’s cheek with a finger, who retaliates in kind, and as they squabble like children Kyungsoo is just watching them with that pensive silence Jongdae has noticed he’s been wearing over the past few weeks.

“What?” Jongdae asks, with a squealing Baekhyun in his arms trying to escape, who stills at the sudden shift in tone.

Kyungsoo’s eyebrows furrow together, and he says, “I want you to come to the red carpet with me next weekend.”

Jongdae blinks, as Baekhyun stiffens. “The premiere?” Jongdae asks. He’s never been to one before, because even when Kyungsoo is allowed to bring dates he just… doesn’t. Doesn’t want to risk being caught, doesn’t want to risk people knowing Jongdae’s face.

Kyungsoo nods slowly. “I want both of you there,” he clarifies, and Baekhyun looks up sharply.

“What?” He blurts. “Kyungsoo, are you serious?”

“If you’re both comfortable with it…” he says quietly, curling into himself a little, vulnerable. “... then yes. I am.” Kyungsoo exhales slowly. “I know this is-- a lot, but. It’s not fair. I’ve hidden Jongdae away his whole life, and I’ve hidden you away too, Baekhyun, and I’m. I’m tired of hiding. I’m tired of being ashamed of the people I love.”

Jongdae and Baekhyun exchange a glance. “Then of course we’ll be there,” Jongdae says immediately, stepping over to Kyungsoo and squeezing his hand. “Always.”

“I’ve always wanted to go to an A-list celebrity party,” Baekhyun muses, and Kyungsoo laughs as Baekhyun takes his hand too, squeezing them both.

“You’ll be caught on camera, you realise,” Kyungsoo tells them gravely. “I doubt anybody will be writing stories about it but-- someone is bound to notice.”

“That’s okay,” Baekhyun reassures. “I want to be famous.”

Kyungsoo laughs, beyond relieved, and then he pulls Baekhyun into a kiss, pushing him down onto the bed. It still smells like wet paint, and their feature wall isn’t done yet, but, well, Jongdae still shuts the bedroom door, and follows them onto the sheets regardless.

  


* * *

  
  


 

“Are you nervous?” Jongdae asks, squeezing Baekhyun’s hand.

“A little,” he admits, then pauses. “A lot. Am I meant to be calm?”

“No,” Jongdae laughs. “I guess not.”

Kyungsoo watches them from across the limo, biting his cheek. “Are you sure you’re ready for this? You really can just stay in here and go home--”

“Kyungsoo, please,” Baekhyun scoffs. “You think I got this dressed up to chicken out?” He gestures to his three piece suit, and Jongdae has to admit… he looks good. Kind of a shame he has to keep it on Baekhyun’s body, all things considered, rather than on their bedroom floor. “I’m ready for my minute of fame.”

“If they ask me questions,” Kyungsoo says softly. “I’m going to answer them honestly.”

“Good,” Jongdae replies. “I just hope you’re ready for that.”

“Of course I am,” Kyungsoo pokes his side. “My career, however…”

Baekhyun laughs. “Who even needs a career? If this doesn’t work out we can all just elope to Hawaii or some shit, live off of your riches. Publicity is for chumps.”

Kyungsoo smiles at that, even as the limo pulls up to the curb, a thousand flashing lights waiting for them behind the tinted windows.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” He asks, and Jongdae rolls his eyes.

“Kyungsoo, please,” he takes Kyungsoo’s hand, and Baekhyun’s beside him. “I’ve been waiting for this moment for years.”

Kyungsoo smiles then, interlacing their fingers, and the door is opened. Jongdae holds his boyfriends’ hands, heart filled with love, and walks into the spotlight, blooming fully underneath it.


End file.
